Saturday, March 19, 2011

2011 Sleepiness and Work -Post for 3/18/11

I am at work at the moment, I had to do another overnight, which entails staying up with an elderly person for the night shift. She has pneumonia so I have to be alert as to her breathing and care. Some points came up that I had to face tonight, which was her being quite blunt and abrasive at times with her words and showing her feelings. Underneath, she is just afraid and very nervous of her current condition, so I am taking this into consideration. Breathing thru any reactions and just being here, and doing what is best for the situation and her when she is in need.

I am not able to post this tonight, which is causing some reaction within me, and it’s due to this point of wanting to be exactly as I say I am going to be. Holding up my word, now I realize that I am being a bit unrealistic because I do not have internet access here, but saying that I could have posted it earlier while I was at my house. I took a nap instead as I had a few hours to sleep before I came here, where I have to stay up all night.

This point of being a perfectionist and holding on to this idea that I have in my head that I must do what is expected of me and what I expect of myself is causing conflict. Also, this point that I have openly committed to saying this and not holding my word absolute allows me to go into the negative polarity as seeing myself as a failure. But this point that I am holding onto to be perfect, hold my word absolute, and do what I see is expected of me is not necessary what is best for this situation or myself here in this moment.

Obviously, holding your word and being absolute within and as your application in living is the ‘goal’, but it is a process, and it doesn’t come and probably not possible to be done overnight. I expect myself to be perfect and transcended in this moment, and absolutely do what I say I will do even if it is not realistic (in cases).

There is a fine line with this as it takes self honesty because I could use this as an excuse to be lax and go back into patterns and lifestyles that I have thus transcended so to speak, which I will not go back to. But in this instance, I am here typing so it is part of my daily journal, I just can not post on to the internet, which I will do in the am. I needed to sleep after work today otherwise I would be very tired and sleepy if I didn’t get some sleep at all as I had to work all day as well.

It is really not about me and my life, how I am feeling and getting along, obviously that is part of my process, but it is to be here as within my realizations, living them, being as practical as possible, and being an example of the tools of self honesty, self forgiveness, and self change to bring about equality here as myself and then here as all as I am living it as self. This has been quite a cool process of understanding, and I am grateful to all who stand within and as these tools to bring about a world for what is best for all life. Blog and vlog on people of the World Equality Network!

I started 21 days of drinking no coffee, I am finished with day two, and it is quite apparent how ‘addictive’ it can be, using it as a point to wake me up in the beginning of the day. I was very sleepy at work today, I feel asleep for a moment on my desk, lol, I have not been like that in quite some time, so it shows that coffee does give you a bounce in the morning. The trick is are you using it to go and wake urself up or as a support for being here and as an enjoyment, self honest point. I will continue to post about it as I go.


  1. cool garb!

    i would perhaps look at writing out the point of all ideas/perceptions you may have around 'coffee', such as 'it shows that coffee does give you a bounce in the morning' - for myself, I stopped drinking coffee many years ago because I believed it to be 'bad' and addictive and kept me up if I drank it too late in the afternoon, but one day many months ago, after I had been walking this process for a few months, I simply drank a cup of coffee and it didn't 'do' anything 'to' me, I simply enjoyed it as a beverage one and equal to myself without any ideas - allowing myself to experience the flavor and warmth, not 'wanting' anything from it - since that day, I can drink and enjoy coffee at any time, even right before bed - lol - and it doesn't move me at all, so I write this here to suggest within the point of stopping coffee for 21 days you may want to have a look at all the thoughts 'around' coffee that are being charged, because as we know it's never 'coffee' or whatever the point is - it's self - and who self has accepted and allowed self to be within that particular point.
    I mean, obviously if you experienced yourself abusing coffee within a point of 'dependency' then YES, support yourself to see who you are without the dependency, however - it's not to stop the point, and through that create another set of ideas/beliefs about the point within suppression/rebellion of what is actually going on.

    I'm enjoying your writings Garb, as well as you standing up and expanding yourself in many ways - so, thank you!

  2. cool thanks Lindsay for the pointers, yes I will write out more on my 'ideas' about coffee and see what comes of it...likewise I enjoy ur expression as well!