Thursday, March 31, 2011

2011 A Bit on Henri


I had a relatively blaw day where I just did my regular work and then had work in the evening so I just worked mostly. After work for my day job I had about two hours to get my self ready for the night job. I fed henri and went to my room in the top floor of the house. Here the bed is right next to the window, so Henri my pal who is a dog can chill there and look out at the neighborhood. But he is mostly looking for his pal hope who is at my pals’ house from the neighborhood, and hope is her pal who is a dog, lol. He has a direct bee line view to where she hangs out and plays in her yard...when he spots her he goes nutz, starts whining and barking to go play with her. Now here is where I come in, I usually take him after work over, but not today because I didn’t feel like it right when I got home and when I looked next time my friend was gone and so was hope. Henri proceed to whine the rest of the time I was there, I took him across to the field to run around, but he continued to whine and was not satisfied.
I am gonna have to stop that field play with him because he becomes to aggressive. I have to switch to running in the woods or taking him with other dogs at a park. I haven’t taken him to training school yet, but i plan too, within the next month or so as I want to see if this will help and if I can learn some techniques to calm him down. He is a chill dog and gentle generally, but he likes to jump on people when he greets them, some don't care but some do, he is quite hyper. Best to get him outta this habit as it could hurt someone if they aren’t expecting it. I enjoy it as he puts his paws up on my shoulders and gives me a nice kiss :P so its fun for me, but others I can’t say so. I never took him to hope’s and he whined the whole night, I have to continue to prioritize my time not just for me, work, desteni stuff, but for his well being too and walk him or get him exercise daily as he is full of life. It is starting to get warm so I will pick back up my trail running and getting him over to see his friend Hope, who he has fun with. Prioritizing and becoming effective within the day is essential to being optimal and efficient in our and my time here on the planet. No judgment just walking and correcting myself to be the best I can be here in consideration of all who are here as well.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

2011 Update on Agreement

I am looking to walk back into an agreement with Dmitry as we have been discussing it over the past few months, and seeing how it will practically work and what we want out of it. As far as who we are together as for now it is a relationship. I introduced him to desteni while he was going through my facebook page, and he has been interested every since. I have walked with him in an agreement before, but I ended it because I was seeing that it was not an equal walk and we weren't  dealing with the issues that where here to be faced. I realized a lot within walking the agreement with him the first time, and seeing myself within and as him as what I am holding back on and personalities I am continuing to accept.  There is a comfortableness where we are able to discuss and push points within ourselves, but also working with humbleness and not pushing too much where it sabotages the whole experience, so creating a balance within myself where we can come to a practical sense of stability within this walk. I do see potential for an effective agreement with Dmitry as he is understanding the principles of desteni and practicing them, writing himself out, and correcting himself within and as his daily life. Also, we have a common ground where a communication point of real intimacy can open up as we walk and start living thru these points of ourselves we see we have to face and transcend. He is in the army, so he is not able to be visible on the net, but it is cool to see someone applying themselves within the tools other then myself locally. We are walking this point very slow, and communicating whether we can continue to walk and face ourselves as well as enjoy ourselves within walking into an agreement as one and equal as life for whats best for all life. There is fears i am stopping of this failing or not being able to walk this with him effectively, but these are not real as I am here and can direct myself in the proper way to gain stability within and as this point of agreement as well as be a support for another being in this process as well and he for me. It shall be interesting....thanks for reading.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

2011 How will Age be effected in an Equal Money System?

Post - 3/28/11

I'm back at work tonight, I been looking at this point of patience. I have to be quite patient for this job as it very much requires one to use this as a point for support for the other and what his or her needs are in any given moment. This also dealing with people who are more frail and require more care like a baby, but on the other end of the life line as the ‘elderly’.  They obviously have come thru life and are at the point where their body is shutting down. This indicating that there life force is weakening and can not support the physical any longer as it becomes frail and very delicate.

I have always wondered about the reason for death and why this is necessary here, I have realized it is due to our acceptance and allowance to diminish ourselves through the mind by living out the separation of life here, which is faulty. We are living in conflict with the principles of life here, that we are in fact one and equal with all life and all life is thus here as ourselves. We are the creator, created, and creation. We have the power to live forever or die in short years, it literally is up to all and self here to understand and live this. Desteni is a source that can help with understanding of these topics, I suggest investigate.

Back when I was ‘believing’ in a higher power, I would always ask myself why we had to die, what kind of ‘god’ created us to die and not be able to live any longer then 100 years, didn’t seem right. Not to mention, the number of people that never make it to their ‘elderly’ years, and die young due to preventable causes such as no resource availability due to no money available, many suffer at all ages due to this.

This was not ‘right’ as I was abdicating my own responsibility for myself to something outside of me, when I am here as source, I am responsible for life here, I am the power for change.  Equal money system will allow life to expand and grow due to the freedom of money resources being fully available for all and at all disposal in the principle of what is best for all life.

Monday, March 28, 2011

2011 A Royal What? and Equal Money System

Everyone has heard about the wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton, who are considered royalty among the people in the land called England. This wedding costing millions of dollars and huge amounts of publicity and interest. Money not even being considered in the equation of this marriage event because it is readily available at the royalties disposal based solely on where they where born into.

What is this point of 'royalty' and us as the 'common folk' accepting and allowing within this point of having some 'beings' seen as more then those on the common level. This all based on money and how it was allocated and hoarded 'legally' to one family in many different countries by fake and useless laws made up by those in power to keep those who they thought where 'more pure' then those who are here as 'regular people' within control, and those in 'royalty' type position and in other words the 'elite' on the top of this pile of shit (=see-it).

Point being, it makes no sense and is useless in terms of actually creating a difference in world equanimity and world unity.  We idolize these people as a whole in this world just like celebrities because we 'desire' to live the lifestyle they have, but 'believe' we are not able to based on what we where told as the way life is here, 'some are more privileged then others, and life is harsh so just live with it'.

In an Equal Money System all 'royalty' and 'celebrity' will be eliminated as these lifestyles do not support what is best for all, but only the few in these selected groups. In an Equal Money System there will be money allocated to projects and resources that is best for all life, and these fancy parties and weddings costing a lot of money will be gone as they are a point of distraction and are induced by alcohol (= I-Kill-All).

Equal Money System, where all live as gods because all are gods equally.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

2011 Today in Writing

Today, I woke to a nice prepared breakfast of waffles and strawberries, tea, yogurt, and banana bread, this I enjoyed and was thankful for D’s mom for cooking it. We worked the whole day moving her out of her house and into a new apartment.  We loaded up a uhaul, which took about 3 1/2 hours and then brought it to the new place unloaded it and did it again a second time. We did not finish til 9 o’clock at night. I realized that I very much enjoy being physical, pushing myself within what I would normally do in a days work, and breathing thru any resistance that came up to not continue. This allowing my body to rest in moments, so its not a full out deal, but working to get what was necessary done in the allotted time necessary. I saw some reactions to D based on him giving me a look, and I went into a negative outlook on myself like he did not like me and that he was angry at me or something to that effect. He did not show me anger, it was just an 'in a moment look' that he gave me, but I projected myself on to him in seeing myself less then. I did the necessary self forgiveness to myself and moved on, and we enjoyed ourselves for the day. I haven’t discussed this point yet, but will later tonight. I very much enjoy helping others, and it’s not a point where I am doing it as ego, not to say there are not moments during the day where I didn’t go into ego, but generally I am here and enjoying helping others which is cool. The world needs to be more helping and giving, so it’s cool to push this within myself and starting to see and live the benefit’s as self enjoyment. D’s mom very much appreciated our help, and was very grateful for our work throughout the day, which I am glad we could help. I saw some points of jealousy I experienced with D and his daughter that I saw and stopped as I do not accept myself to go there, and did the self forgiveness on this as well. I will have to investigate further as I am just starting to open up this point within me. No movement today with my 21 days of no coffee, so cool I am starting to see the stopping addictions paying off and transcending habits that I got use to living out daily. My next one is 6 months of no sugar  (processed kind) to stop my cravings I am having and seeing desire or need for sugar directing me. I find sugar a difficult one to transcend as I have already done a few times 21 days stopping this, but I am determined to completely transcend the need or want for the sweets. Thanks for reading.

2011 SF on Giving up and Giving in - Post for 3/25/11

Looking at this point of why I give up and give in when things are seen and perceived by me as ‘tough’. Basically allowing myself to live within a state of waiting where I am allowing myself to wait and idle to get a momentary point of relaxation and ease. Giving up based on my desires to stay in this comfort and idleness of life that is like a stalemate of letting myself be stale in what I am doing to not have to push myself out of this comfort zone and actually do what is necessary to be done to get self equal and one with what is real as the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to give up on myself when things i perceive are ‘difficult’ or ‘tough’ seemingly overwhelm me and I give in to not going all out because I desire to stay in my ‘comfort zone’.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see myself within  and as a state of needing to be in a my ‘comfort zone’ to live and exist here, when i realize this is not living, but actually keeping me in a mind state of stagnation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe that I can not do a certain task because I believe that it is too difficult or tough when I know and realize I am able but stop because I do not want to put the physical effort in to actually live out this point and face myself within what I have accepted and allowed to accumulate within and as this state of stagnation I have been living in.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live within and as a state of stagnation in my mind because I do not ‘feel’ like putting in the necessary effort to stand up and face what I have to face within and as this point of pushing myself outside of my ‘comfort zone’ and living the corrective action that is necessary to be done to do what is best for all life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within and as a state of ‘laziness; because I don’t want to put in effort, and I continually want to get the momentary satisfaction and succulence of instant gratification of living within and as this ‘easement’ of the mind that is done within and as self interest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to essentially give up on myself as life as the physical because I am allowing and accepting desires as comfort to direct me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within and as desires of comfort in self interest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to give up and give in to the mind as desires, needs, beliefs, and self interest gratification.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to give up on myself as life for the mind as illusion.

I stop this pattern of giving up and giving in when a point of temptation comes up to go into the easement of the mind state.

I stop going into this mind state of easement.

I stop giving into the state of stagnation and not pushing myself.

I stop being stagnant.

I push myself to work thru these temptations to give into the mind in points of giving up and realize I am here and able to do anything that is here as me.

I stand as life and walk the corrective action to equalize self one and equal to the physical.

*no internet access last night and most of today til now actually.

Friday, March 25, 2011

2011 Self Sabotage due to Not seeing 'Me'

I had math class tonight, and I did not want to be there nor participate. Within the class it is getting more difficult and I am getting to a point within myself at feeling almost a sense of lostness in it, but not actually effectively directing myself as of yet to get the proper assistance which is out there and available for me to take advantage of. I am going to write my professor tom so I can get some assistance with this as we have a test next week on Thursday.

This brings up a point that I have been accepting and allowing myself to use and give in to when something in my world is tough and I simply do not want to do it, and it's literally just giving up and not pushing myself to continue and learn what is necessary. I have written about this before in this blog, and still seeing it here directing me. This is also a point of not seeing myself as smart enough to learn math, and not being the best within the class so not fulfilling this self prophecy I have of being the 'ultimate' in beings. Like if I can not be the best within what I am doing then I don't even want to put the effort in, because it's like what I am I gonna get out of it, what will I gain. This gain I am looking for is attention from others, and this desire to be seen by others as 'the ultimate'. The praise and comments of success and how I have completed something that is very difficult boost my ego and thus give me the energy I need to go on with my robotic life of looking for attention, looking for love, looking for who I am from others and from separation of myself. Trying to find myself within the other of this reality and basing myself from this perspective, completely missing me here HELLO! who is walking and living as the breath as life as self in this body as the physical. I am still checking to see who liked my stuff, who read my stuff, who is watching while I do stuff, and not ever being here appreciating and caring for me living for what is here with no judgment nor need. I have never fully accepted myself as life and this has been exacerbated by my continuous participation with living within and as the ego, living as ego, and trying to boost my ego to make me feel 'good' about myself because I see myself as 'less' then others and sabotaging myself based on these beliefs. Sf tom. on these points.

Desteniiprocess - Life Coaching for Support

Thursday, March 24, 2011

2011 Being at the Hospital

I worked tonight, I had to go to the hospital because the women I am working with has trouble with her lungs and heart. So this point of death I was looking at. I remember back when I was a small child, sitting in my bed at night, and considering this point of death. In my mind, saying 'I am going to die some day, I am not going to live anymore?' Like i could not believe it, life here seems so natural, so giving, so automatic, but I take it for granted. My life, the easement I have, the non struggle of waking up each day and having a place to work, a place to live, a place to keep warm, and a place to rest, never having to struggle much. Then I get wrapped up into myself, like what is this one thinking of me or my back chat where I go on about how someone annoyed me or i dislike someone because they are acting in a certain way. Allowing basically nonsense to direct me because I have the opportunity to reside in this behavior. But til here no further, I do not accept myself to take life for granted any longer as I see and gasp at the pain and suffering that has accumulated and is accumulating for many beings here now on this planet. There is nothing that is debatable about the equal money system in it's principles, that is why I am for the implementing of this system, so everyone can enjoy and stop suffering senselessly and with no care or regard to there plights.

Equal money system is a way to stop the suffering in this world forever more, get with it as it is a clear cut way to bring about peace on earth and a life that is worth living for all as all will be supported. Equal money is just that giving money equally in a systematic way that will have regulations, principles and standards to follow, and will be in place by those who will stand the test of time and have to prove that they in fact stand equal with this system, equal with life. There are no more games or bs time wasting, this is here and will be pushed by all corners to get in place. Check out the Equal Money System book when it is released on 9/11/11, it will answer allot of questions I am told. You can also sign up your email to be notified with an update on information about the book and it's release details, so check it out. Equal money = Equal life - lets get this done.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

2011 I Got a 44 on My Math Project

I went to math class tonight, and on my project I got a 44 for a grade, I am not moved internally by this as I have stopped defining myself by outside influences, but obviously seeing this as a point where I need to put more effort in and becoming more effective in what I am learning. I am not putting enough time into studying and my assignments because I am procrastinating on them and leaving them til the last minute. This is a pattern I see and have done self forgiveness on, but allowing it to still direct my life. There's these points where I can see I could follow a path to self judgment and seeing self as not able to do it, but that is dishonest and absolute bs. I am done with all the bullshit excuses I have given myself to float along and not apply myself fully. I listened to the Violations of Trust video by Bernard Poolman, and he makes common sense points about being trustworthy and what that means, such as if you do not give your all and you know you could do better, but seeming from others perspective that you are trying ur best, is a violation of that persons trust and a deceitful thing because you are not actually living the truth of what is here as urself. It is a point of who am I in the face of being trustworthy or not? And am I working on this within myself, because what is life if it is not trustworthy, who am I if i am not a trustworthy being? I can see from accumulated action the results and facts of this, but I am not satisfied, and push to become a being who can stand as self trust in the face of whatever is here, and walk the corrective action. In work, I can apply this as well as sometimes I just go lax and ease up on my work, but could be much more effective with what I am doing and pushing myself to continue on when I feel that point of wanting to ease up. School and work are points I am going to focus on giving more effort and go all out to push myself to do my best and expand in whatever it is I am working on or doing. Taking it one step at a time, not allowing time to define me or restrict me, but using time effectively to get my shit done and do it in a way that is best for all involved. I am going to push these points starting tomorrow where I am gonna wake up and cut up some medal that I have been telling my dad I would do for a few days now, but haven't. Still walking thru this pattern of procrastination and becoming a trustworthy being as I am not satisfied with my application as of yet with these points.

Update on no coffee for 21 days, Im at least a week in and feel very much less movement to have a cup and pushing myself to be here in whatever is a I am doing and enjoying it. Enjoying myself as life here living and not focusing on the thoughts, the ideas, the beliefs, the desires to have that may pop up, but being as the physical movement as me, living in the physical here. Quite cool stuff. It's definitely a walk to stay consistent with it as it will take many breaths to get to here as self. Will walk though.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

2011 We Live to Die

I just read an article and saw photos of US soldiers in Afghanistan holding the heads of the civilans that had died within the gunfire they had participated in. The soldiers in the pitcure where kneeling down holding the head by the hair of the dead being and smiling, like posing for the picture in accomplishment. I am not going to link it here because it is not necessary as this type of demon possession of living as if killing and death is normal and cool is happening everywhere. We are a world that supports and assist with the death of life here, we do it to the animals, we do it to the plant life, we do it to the insects, we do it to the humans, we do it to children, we do it to the elderly, we do it to the products that our made, there is always an expiration, and there is always a point of self acceptance (until 'I' stop). Fascinating as life has literally become death, we live to die, we work to die, we battle to die, and we go on believing that this is going to create life here happy, stable, and better based on what our world thru the media is telling us. Nothing is real here because the starting point and end point is always money, when money rule over life then death is inevitable.

Equal money system will stop the 'rule' of money and stand equal and one to money as self. Where this system will be for life and living life in a way that supports all. Actually living out these principles because each one who is functioning in this new EM system will be living self honestly and will not tolerate any form of harm to life because we live by principles, we live as truth as ourselves as life. We are for life, we are for living life here as what is best for all beings, we are for the sustenance of life here on this earth, and we are for the creation of heaven on earth...investigate equal money system if you see the common sense, and actually care about life and living it for real.


Sunday, March 20, 2011

2011 Coffee - I am addicted

Hi....I just read a comment from Lindsay, a fellow World Equality Network participant, and she suggested I write out more on the coffee point I am looking at and stopping for 21 days. I have definitely in the mornings looked at it as a point to wake me up, and a dependency as I craved it a bit, like I needed a cup before I sat in my chair at work. I would say it's an addiction factor I am facing as I have been getting a cup in the mornings due to the coldness, the awakeness effect, and the yumminess of it. This separating myself from what is here as self with a cup of coffee, but feeding these ideas and thoughts of fulfillment each morning to grab a cup. So changing this to being here, stopping for a length of time to stop and transcend that apparent need I am living out each day, and actually living equal to the coffee as self enjoyment. Enjoying myself with and as the cup of coffee, feeling the tip of the cup on the tip of my mouth, each sip of warm coffee as it goes through my mouth and into my throat, and feeling the warmth throughout my physical body as it fills up with the hotness of the coffee. It comes back to physicality, bringing myself here to the physical as what I am actually doing, not living in my head trying to fulfill ideas about what coffee can give me. But being in breath and living what I am actually doing in each moment that is here, to live and express the enjoyment of life as myself, in this case a when I drink a cup of coffee.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to separate me from coffee as the physical substance that moves through my mouth into my throat and thru my body as one and equal to me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the idea that I 'need' coffee to wake up.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the idea that I 'need' coffee to keep warm.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the idea that I 'need' coffee to fufill the craving I am allowing each morning.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be directed by ideas of what coffee is thru my mind and thus miss me as physicality actual drinking the cup of coffee.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be directed by thoughts of the yumminess of coffee and thus miss the enjoyment as self as the coffee within the moments I am drinking it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to separate me here from the physical act of drinking coffee because I am in my mind thinking about the fulfillment I just received from coffee.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to separate me here from myself thru the mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to miss myself here as the breath of life.

I stop all thoughts of separation towards life here as me.

I stop being directed by ideas of needs I hold on to of coffee.

I stand here and realize I am one and equal with what is here as physicality, and I enjoy life as me in expression in breath.


2011 Why am I in support of the Equal Money System?

This is and never has been even a consideration, the why? it has always been a how? because the why is a self evident common sense observation of what I myself have participated in in my life, and seen through my own accumulated living experience as life for many beings being a struggle, death, and painful, and seeing myself never ever wanting to live in ways I have seen others live here. Many on this planet are really having terrible times of life, not enjoying and not actually living. Many struggle day to day to even have a chance to live a bit and have some self satisfaction, but many make due of what is here and just live as is, in this system. This always equaling unsatisfactory and able to be improved as any life that suffers is obviously faulty and need changing.

The how? is the more pertinent question for all beings to be asking themselves, this I have realized that the individual in this system has no real power by him/herself as we have seen with past leaders such as Jesus, Martin Luther King, Benazir Bhutto, Gandhi, Mother Theresa, all made impacts, but could not actually make a real collective change within and as this current system as individualized movements to bring about expression in freedom of and as life for real because they all died (and didn't have the proper understanding of what this entails = for more on this see the link I highlight here). The need for a centralized principled focus group of dedicated people with the potential always for growth thru time is the Equal Life Party (this at this time in infant stages), which is the political movement to place the equal money system into the global level to thus have a real impact on a global scale. This requires group effort and group sustenance to keep it growing. So as been discussed within the Desteni material, it is not about the individual leader as that imply that the many then must follow thus equaling slavery, but it is for the collective as co-equals working on the freeing of the expression of life for what is best for all by taking self responsibility and actually bring self here in this realization of changing and living one and equal as all here as self in this physical reality. Always bringing it back to self allows one to remain self honest and have a clear gauge of what is implied by this statement, and what is necessary to be done in self forgiveness to purify self to change and thus then become a co-equal as physical being in/as life.

Life is for living not trying or pursuing to live, and in an Equal Money System, this will be possible as the collective as a group will bring this here thru self realization and continuing effort of assistance and support to do what is best for all life who live these life affirming principles.

This is why I am vote one + for world equality thru an equal money system as I see and realize that this is the only way for real change of freedom of life thru self living as an individual thru and as the whole because until all are free none are free....when this is done all will benefit equally that is the WHOLE point to everything that is happening, you could say this is what is happening the birthing of life as co equals in living expression thru a process of self realization = us = life.


Saturday, March 19, 2011

2011 Sleepiness and Work -Post for 3/18/11

I am at work at the moment, I had to do another overnight, which entails staying up with an elderly person for the night shift. She has pneumonia so I have to be alert as to her breathing and care. Some points came up that I had to face tonight, which was her being quite blunt and abrasive at times with her words and showing her feelings. Underneath, she is just afraid and very nervous of her current condition, so I am taking this into consideration. Breathing thru any reactions and just being here, and doing what is best for the situation and her when she is in need.

I am not able to post this tonight, which is causing some reaction within me, and it’s due to this point of wanting to be exactly as I say I am going to be. Holding up my word, now I realize that I am being a bit unrealistic because I do not have internet access here, but saying that I could have posted it earlier while I was at my house. I took a nap instead as I had a few hours to sleep before I came here, where I have to stay up all night.

This point of being a perfectionist and holding on to this idea that I have in my head that I must do what is expected of me and what I expect of myself is causing conflict. Also, this point that I have openly committed to saying this and not holding my word absolute allows me to go into the negative polarity as seeing myself as a failure. But this point that I am holding onto to be perfect, hold my word absolute, and do what I see is expected of me is not necessary what is best for this situation or myself here in this moment.

Obviously, holding your word and being absolute within and as your application in living is the ‘goal’, but it is a process, and it doesn’t come and probably not possible to be done overnight. I expect myself to be perfect and transcended in this moment, and absolutely do what I say I will do even if it is not realistic (in cases).

There is a fine line with this as it takes self honesty because I could use this as an excuse to be lax and go back into patterns and lifestyles that I have thus transcended so to speak, which I will not go back to. But in this instance, I am here typing so it is part of my daily journal, I just can not post on to the internet, which I will do in the am. I needed to sleep after work today otherwise I would be very tired and sleepy if I didn’t get some sleep at all as I had to work all day as well.

It is really not about me and my life, how I am feeling and getting along, obviously that is part of my process, but it is to be here as within my realizations, living them, being as practical as possible, and being an example of the tools of self honesty, self forgiveness, and self change to bring about equality here as myself and then here as all as I am living it as self. This has been quite a cool process of understanding, and I am grateful to all who stand within and as these tools to bring about a world for what is best for all life. Blog and vlog on people of the World Equality Network!

I started 21 days of drinking no coffee, I am finished with day two, and it is quite apparent how ‘addictive’ it can be, using it as a point to wake me up in the beginning of the day. I was very sleepy at work today, I feel asleep for a moment on my desk, lol, I have not been like that in quite some time, so it shows that coffee does give you a bounce in the morning. The trick is are you using it to go and wake urself up or as a support for being here and as an enjoyment, self honest point. I will continue to post about it as I go.

Friday, March 18, 2011

2011 No Flow Today

Fascinating, some days I sit here and can not find any flow to my writing, like I have nothing to say lol, it is a form of hiding or escaping as there is loads of writing i have to do, but sometimes it just doesn't want to come out. I have to continue writing more in my notebook as this is crucial to get the necessary points looked at and do self forgiveness application. Time management is also something I need to look at, I have gotten in a flow of writing at the end of my day, reflecting back, and seeing what comes up, but tonight nothing is here. Prioritizing my time and doing things that matter are essential in being effective in this walk to freedom in realizing self as the physical one and equal to life, but also having time for self to just relax and enjoy being life. It is a balancing of life and not over compensating on one aspect as that shows self interest and desires for more, life is a balancing of self and self responsibility I am finding.

Today, I went to work, came home and made dinner, and went to my friends house where our dogs play and throw each other around the yard. Lol, they are very playful and it's cool because they are the same size and age, so they enjoy each other. We chatted about what we've been up to as we haven't spoke in quite some time.  Then I came home and decided to finish a movie I had stopped about a week ago, and I fell asleep during it tonight. Fascinating, every time I try to watch a movie lately, I fall asleep, I have to push thru these points of being tired and sleeping, but this time I didn't realize it til I woke up, like I just slipped into the sleeping state. I did have a choice tho as I could of just sat up and not laid down, so still sleep is directing me here. I am going to push writing in my hand written journal daily as well as this computer journal, to open up points where it is more efficient in hand written flow style then typing. Cheers.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

2011 The fear and anxiety of Impending Doom

Lately, I have been feeling tense and a tightness within the chest area, I got some support for this and was shown that it is from holding onto fear and anxiety within this point of impending doom that I have been projecting and holding on to towards my world. This fear and anxiety is here tho due to my own creation based on my continued particpation in thoughts of what the future might be like, will I be able to make money, will I be able to survive, is this world going to go into chaos, and on on on it goes. It's like a merry go round because these thoughts never lead me anywhere, like a solution that is tangible and here, or a place of serenity and calm, but around in circles with no resolution. No it brings me down this road of petrification and major anxiety where I am not able to compute and function properly here because I am too busy in my head thinking, not paying any awareness to what is here, the solution as myself, which in turn only causes more hardship for self as what I am dealing with is not real.

Now that I have walked some time in self honesty and self forgiveness while re-educating myself on what it means to LIVE here and exist within this world with all the other beings that are here, the solution is starting to become clear. A helpful realizations that I have come to realize is that there is no where else to be, but here where I am in this moment, in this physical body. Here in this body, is where the solution is, as I am the solution to all that I face in this world, I created it and I can solve it. Fear and anxiety are here to show me that I am still reacting and separating myself from what is here as me as I am one and equal with what is here as the physical life around me, so I must face this and correct it. Working on fear and anxiety, and also the polarity play-out of desiring to have my world be stable and comfortable, where I am in control of my security and able to function in this expected life I am use to. Not much equality in that scenario as this is in self interest only allowing and caring for my own comfort, self sustainability, and self security. None of these desires nor expectations are real due to the fact that they are only causing instability within myself and the inability to function properly here as been shown with the pain, shakiness, and tense up when speaking to others. This will be a walk to sort this out and see where this is originating from, and how I designed it so I can see and start taking responsibility to stop these reactions from directing me. Nothing is real, but the physical what we can touch.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

2011 Back to work I go

Hi, I have been very sleepy lately, it seems it is a cycle I am going into and have been participating in for many months as I have still not completed the 21 days of 6 hour sleep completely self honestly as this point comes of transcendence where I get very sleepy, and I fall. So this sleepiness as of late has been from accepting and allowing myself over time to give in to the urges and achiness of wanting to sleep. This is enslaving based on my following the urges and sleeping without my direct consent to sleep and/or wake up. Something to look at and consider as I will continue to push this point of waking up after 6 hours.

I have to do an overnight tonight with my old job that I thought I lost based on my head shave, but have gone to one of my old clients, and she was cool about it said it fit my 'personality'. Each week we discuss the equal money system, and talk about different things, which I enjoy. Shes awesome, she is 92 has a hunch, so she can only stand up straight with effort, and is very happy to be alive and extremely pleasant demeanor, she enjoys and appreciates life.  Her family owns the Mary Jane candy corporation (never had one of them), which then sold it to the Nabisco candy corporation, so they have a lot of money. It's interesting, because she says from conversations that she doesn't know how equal money will work, the scope of it, but I started slowly and we are going to continue conversing on it. She gives a lot to charities and to her church, but we'll see when it comes to give up everything for the best of all beings, which in the end is the best for self, will she stand? The question is am I willing to give up everything for the best of all beings? I have always come up with the answer yes, when I ask myself this question to myself, so we'll see if I will walk this and prove it as and to life, will I stand equal and one to life or be a fucker.

I wrote early tonight because I have to be at work at 9, will be interesting and fun to get the reaction of another lady I use to work for tonight, she is a bit anal so we'll see.  Although she has pneumonia, so will not be to much or push anything in discussion with her. I will do my best to help her and care for her as I would want to be treated. I am thankful for my opportunity to work with the elderly as I have met a lot of cool 'old' folk and have walked and seen a lot within myself that I have learned and come to understand of what I am capable of.  Still more to come of course, as this ride never ends.....that being the expansion of self if I let myself be here and live.

2011 Recycling and Sustainability in an Equal Money System

I was on the toilet, lol, going pee and I looked in the trash can next to me, in it there contained mostly paper goods, every piece of item in the trash can could be recycled. I took as much as I could out, but it is like an endless battle trying to get all to consider the life being given to us within our goods everyday. Recycle bins are there, but we still throw away as we don't consider all involved and just waste. I don't get why humans have not come up with a mechanism to have all things be recyclable and reusable in a systematic way...oh yeah, because we are greedy fuckers and just want convenience, profit is involved as well.  Harsh, maybe, but the reality is that we are annihilating the trees in this world, the slave labor to create the goods is rising and horrendous, and we have created plastic waste lands in the middle of our oceans. I read somewhere that women where tested and there breast-milk had traces of plastic within it due to the saturation of our water supplies with plastic stuff, we can not get away from the plastic envision as we have created it, but there is always a solution to these pressing issues, that being quite simple, living in a way that is best for all here.

Now obviously, what is needed is a mechanism for recyclable collection in a systematically functioning way, this I see in an equal money system being generated right in each room of a home, office, or place of leisure. Built right into the wall, sucking it just like a centralized vacuum system they have now, down to the basements, and collected into barrels/cans/containers marked accordingly. Where once a week or whatever fits the best for all equation that is equally agreed upon by all beings, will thus be picked up by those who are within the labor cycle of the conscripted labor system that all beings will go through for the upkeep of the jobs needed to keep life functioning. This conscripted labor system is a point where all beings will be educated on maintenance type of work, and be cycled thru year after year within a certain age group for the upkeep of the maintenance jobs around each community.  This being a basis of my understanding of it, seems very cool, because relatively available according to what needs to be done you are able to do something you enjoy as well as work for the betterment of all life in keeping the flow of life smooth and effective.

Within this recycling system, anything that will be made in an equal money system will be reusable, sustainable for all life, and done in as much as possible harmless material that is available. Be interesting what develops out of our expression within the principle's of what is best for all life in our understanding that we are one and equal to everyone as life beings. Hemp is a plant that is the strongest in fiber and most easiest to cultivate, so we could use that for clothes, rope, paper, and created only for what is needed. Also, many medicinal purposes come from hemp as well, but first we must stop the addictions of abuse and hysteria around the plant that has been generated within the world today :P Recycling our shit is a huge problem now, as it is piling up within all creeks and crevasses of this world. In an equal money system, money will be available to do these types of projects because obviously it is needed, and it is for the betterment of all life so it's a sustainable living system. War will be no more in an equal money system, so that should cover the cost of these sustainability projects that are being discussed with the funds being generated in this business today alone will cover much.

More research on these subjects here: Equal Money System

Monday, March 14, 2011

2011 The Physical says 'Wake Up' for me to see what is here

I went skiing and I had just gone down a relatively difficult slope that had moguls taking awareness to complete and so I would not fall. I got done the hill, satisfied with myself for just getting thru the slope with relative ease and in a sense lost myself within my mind where I was looking back at what I just accomplished, puffing myself up a bit thinking 'you rock, awesome you really are a 'great' skier', also I was allowing myself to be annoyed at my partner because he skied way ahead of me (jealousy/competition points to look at/SF). This until the next moment, where I was skiing on flat ground to the chair lift, my skis crossed, and I went backward and slammed my head on the ground. This point of wearing a helmet, I have been defying my mom about because she has been telling me to get one for a while now to be safe, but I don't see them as necessary because I am a 'good' skier. Also because I see them as uncomfortable, but today the physical had to show me the 'stupidity' of my conclusions with not wearing a helmet because of my personality play outs I was accepting of self interest desires and ideas of myself = not real (my mind thinking), my sore head = real (physical consequence to not being in reality/here using common sense).

So to learn from this, and live here as what matters as the physical, in this instance the protection of my head from obvious potential harm by wearing a helmet.  This physical 'wake up' slam has assisted me to see and stop the ideas. beliefs, desires in thought and feelings I am still participating in, to show what really matters, which that being the physical. All my ideas/desires/beliefs about myself can not stop me from falling and slamming my head, but a helmet (physical object) can. Time to stop the personality points I see are directing me, and walk within and as the physical, breath is here as support, this I continue to walk. I will buy a helmet and use common sense when living life here as was again shown to me by the self as the physical which is here to support within and as this process of realizing self one and equal to life. The question is when will I start living here for real as physicality? I push to expand this point as a continuous walk of self realization til I am here as life= the physical.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

2011 What Nature can Show Us and Relevant Points Equal Money will Recognize

What is the point of the natural disasters accelerating showing humanity? One gleaming point is that humans are no match to what nature is within and as her/his expression within and as this existence. We throughout our days, play 'god' with many people's lives allowing and accepting this current system that is here that keeps half the world in 'hellish' types of conditions. It is this point of fear that we all face, and this fear is intensified by all when we see the calamity of what is on tv of how villages got swept away within these acts of nature that seemingly come out of nowhere.

The point is what are we going to do about this? Are we going to exist within this fear and stick to our survival instincts only looking out for self and one's family or consider the whole of the world situation here, and create an earth where all are enjoying self and all sustained. These natural events are here to show that life can be taken without notice, we are not all powerful here, we are not 'god', the Physical is. This can be seen as what is necessary to be done to change the living conditions and the state of the world into something that is 'peaceful' for all. The actual Physical action needed by all humans to change to a system that recognize the truth of ourselves, this being that we, plant, animal, nature, human, atmosphere, are all equal as physical beings. The physical is what matters, the physical is where the equality principle resides because in fact it is what is real.

Unfortunately within this current system, money will be fueled to these places where the disaster hit, people will be there to give aid and help, but nothing of the current reality of what is here as this system will change. Haiti is an example of this, where half a million people are still displaced and living in tents. There houses where made out of unstable substances and got demolished during the quake based on no money to get 'better' living quarters, and all the aid given still left many without functional homes, functional lives, and desperate living conditions. In an equal money system, first, all houses will be built with all weather conditions taken into consideration, and all be made to the best of there ability within the relative equality equation of what is needed and what is at hand in physical resources. Also, life will be lived in places where there are less amount of potential for a natural disaster.

Obviously, we can not prevent the forces of nature, but we can see points of common sense such as making resilient houses where all will benefit and all factors being considered. In an equal money system this will be possible because money will be allocated to do these such things, because what is best for all is all that is considered. In this current system, money dictates life, if you have it you have a better chance of making it, if you don't your chances are basically non-existent. Although no money could prevent the lose of life in the path of this nature event, the preparation and consideration of what is gathered with facts of potential outcomes of nature, will be assessed and ACTed on to prevent as much loss of life as possible with the common sense that is found within the research/facts gathered and done by all involved. The main key point is that the system of life here needs to be one that is best for all life = equal money system which is based on this principle...please check it out if not done so yet. Thanks

Friday, March 11, 2011

2011 A bit on Food/Good Production in an Equal Money System

Within an equal money system, food will be a source of freedom and availability for all as all will be given enough money to support themselves with. This food production will be done in common sense where obviously as much as possible all products will be made locally or done for a selected region. No more will huge corporations take over all production in a monopoly style format using cheap labor in foreign countries, using excessive amounts of fuel, and raising the prices to compensate for this upkeep of producing the foods and goods in this wasteful way. This is not wrong or bad, but simply does not make any sense for the sustainability of the earth, the people, and the resources that are being increasingly used without any sense of balance in the equation. If we localized production then the fuel dependence/consumption will go down, the human labor will be only used within the labor system where all benefit and all treated equally, and the prices will be created in a fair and flat based system, no taxes, no price hikes based on the day or cost of travel for the food/goods to get to a location 1000 miles away.  All will be made in a way to support all life that is being effected and in a sense of equality for all as all are here giving of themselves, humans have to start respecting this of life, the unconditional giving it gives us everyday. Profit/greed is a big source of the production of all goods today, but within an equal money system, profit/greed will be no more a driving force as all are thus supported and all will see the common sense within what needs to be done to thus balance life and create equanimity among all life here. 

The equal money system is the solution to high prices, huge energy consumption, the enslavement of many who work for nothing, and the sustainablity and thus respect for the life that is here as the earth and all that is given unconditionally to us. It is time to stand up and support what is best for all life, equal money system is here, show your support to create a fair and honorable life for all!

2011 Living Process

Within walking this process, becoming the living word as who I am as life and living to do what is best for all is something in principle is here and clear on what this is and the implications these principles imply. Within myself it is something that is a living, full engagement of willing myself to become these principles, to live them and expand myself within them. This is something that there is no handbook, no guide, no step by step manual to help me along the way as that is not actually self living, but living from separation. This point of living these principles has been a point of difficulty for me because I am allowing myself at times to be living this within my mind, thru thinking, and interpreting my reality which causes confusion and uncertainty. This confusion and uncertainty on what I am doing and am I actually changing, am I actually being effective in this process of living life as myself one and equal is here to be looked at. This as a point of introspection, I don't know, I have made strides in stopping addictions, stopping though patterns, stopping fears, and facing the reality of myself, so instead of being judging I will just adjust myself to align myself with the words I am speaking. Each breath is a new breath and this is where life gives as self the opportunity to change and stop that which does not support the principles mentioned above. So no self judgment, no pity, no victimization, just living here as self and changing when I see it in my self to.
This is a living process there is no rules to it but living what is best for all and realizing yourself as life one and equal, within that it is a self expansion and a self realization that is yet to be lived until it is here as self and me living it. I can only walk this process for me, I can only realize myself as life. Still walking no matter what, I have to keep pushing the principles in living and stop being a bullshitter.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

2011 Equal Money System or Die?

Ask yourself am I one vote for world equality thru an equal money system, if the awnser is no then you are going to face the 'harsh' consequences, if you say yes then you are on your way to heaven on earth.....equal money system or die? This is what is being faced within our current reality, we decide.

I am one vote for world equality thru an equal money system to bring about heaven on earth and to end all abuse for evermore.

Show your vote and investigate the Equal Money System.

2011 Follow Up: Procrastination

I am walking this point of pushing thru the desire to give up and give in as I wrote a blog on it last night in regards to being a procrastinator. Within my day today, I woke up at 630 as my dad called up to me to see if I wanted a ride, and I went into the desire to give in to my tiredness as when you wake out of your sleep, but then went nope, took a deep breath, and got my booty up. Got ready, and got henri some food as well, and got out the door.  Got to work and went through my day, I am a alot on the internet as I have gotten my access back to facebook, have to watch that to not be on it too much, but got a lot of work done as I am going away for a few days so getting things in order for that.

I got an email from my buddy that I am to redo a few portions of the assignment 3 that I had re-submitted, so I have to re-do the assignment for a third time for the intro course I am taking. Took some breaths, considered the helpful tips given, and pushed myself to complete it tonight as to not hold off as I have a lot going on so just completing this point as it has come up, not holding off or giving it a 'thought'. I started it when I got home from work, and just completed it a few moments ago. I still have math homework to do, but I will do that first thing as it is not to much work and is manageable, but pushing to wake up and complete it not letting it sit all day. I also got Henri to the park and got him some physical movement within and as nature as ourselves, so we both very much enjoyed moving and expressing here as breath with some tennis balls and racket at the field across the way. I gave him a bath after because he gets all muddy due to the melting snow and rain we have been having here.

I am seeing these tasks I am completing immediately or in not much time at all as a way to discipline myself to get things done as they come up and are here to be faced and completed. Very cool as I am enjoying myself within this as I am being effective and getting a lot done as I am not allowing nor limiting myself within this procrastination application I have been accepting for a long while. I am grateful for the video support that Sunette did that I posted on my last blog because it is essential to understand how and why we are creating ourselves within this current reality and system, so to get the proper knowledge and information to move ourselves to stop as our living self will and application. This is a self walk of will of course, so lets enjoy our walk as life living as all as one as equal til it is finished.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

2011 Procrastinator No More

Today I woke up early, but went back to sleep because I was feeling tired and not wanting to get up really early because it is the weekend and I justified by having nothing to do. This is not true because there is always something to do, but my point this morning was more on not having anything fun to do. This point of wanting to be entertained is a prominent one to transcend because I notice it a lot within walking my process where I will procrastinate and bumm thru work just to get to a point finally where I can enjoy myself and have a fun time thus then fully engage.

This morning I slept in for quite a while, I had failed my assignment 3 lesson this past month in the Into. to Desteni Course so I had to re-do it to thus get a passing grade.  I was putting this off for a few days because it is alot of writing and reading to go thru to do it sufficiently, and this point of me just wanting to relax and have fun was here to be pushed thru. I looked at this and realized this is just an escape and distraction to not have to face the work and effort that some tasks take to complete. I started the work and read for a while, then I would stop and do laundry, then I went back to it and wrote out a few components of the assignment, then I go down get some food, and I would continue til the assignment was done. This was supporting in taking a few breaks within the writing assignment as it broke up the time that it took to do the work, and it allowed me to get others things done that also needed to be done. Taking a break for a moment is cool, putting it off in a way to escape and procrastinate the inevitable is uncool, because it prolongs process, actually creates systems within and as me in a compounding fashion that need to be transcended, and thus creates and regenerates the entire mind consciousness system to exist here within and as my participation in procrastinating because I don't feel like doing it then, that is the mind I am accepting, and it is unacceptable to continue allowing this here as me.

Here is a video Sunette made on perspective of Procrastination:  DIY-Body System Drilling

So to see this thru, i will allow myself to push thru moments of desiring to give up or give in to stopping what needs to be done, so I can become an effective being in the process of creating life here equal and one within my own self will no matter what the task may be, I am here and I move.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

2011 I accept

Self Acceptance

I am looking at this point of self acceptance, this is seen on the individual level here in the human physical body as well as extending to the outer into the greater of, those around me and essentially all beings here. Even having one thought of another is separation which is not living who I am as life here. This is created and geared towards seeing myself separate from all beings believing myself to be inferior to most beings, and seeing that I am superior to those beings that i see in ways that are weak. These are being lived by myself because I am accepting and allowing separation through judgment and comparison of pictures and personalities I am encountering in my daily life. This has to be transcend because I realize that I am life here and I am one with all life. It is not an easy road because I have spent so much time and energy into boosting myself up based on defining myself by another, and thus living out the balance of this polarity within my always seeing my life in either good terms or bad. This is just a figment of my mind where I am accepting and allowing myself to separate who I am as all because I am not applying myself to stop. Stopping is key and continually stopping as the ebb and flow of this process being walked, no matter what - I continue to stop, push myself, and apply the tools given, as this life will not be here for me if I am not here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to separate my self from life here as me based on polarity play-outs I am living out as real life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge life around me in separation based on the beliefs I hold that life is what I see in pictures as polarities.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to give myself away into the picture show I see through my mind eyes and not realize and live the actual real life here as physicality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to give my power away due to my addiction into energy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not accept myself fully as what is here and manifested, and not take the time to sort myself out and direct life in what is needed to be done in self honesty, but continue to live in this polarity play-out.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to continuously allow my mind to direct me when I first meet someone and thus go into a polarity stance of inferior/superior based on what is determined by me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not be unconditional in this moment here as I walk life and thus separate due to my opinions and definitions held on to.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define myself by the outside.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live within and as polarities as judgments.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate me here from life.

I stop judgment and living in polarities, I am here as all as one as equal and I push to live this here as self.

Friday, March 4, 2011

2011 Equal Money and Business

In the mornings, I have been waking up and driving to work with my dad as I work with him in his business, he gets out of the house usually around 6:30 so I have been getting up then and going. This is cool as I am sleeping under 6 hours which I am pushing as a point of self discipline because the body has said here in the physical that only 6 hours is needed, after 6 hours the mind gets regenerated, and we as humans sleeping away recharge the mind consciousness system, which is our self enslavement. So I push to get up early. Also, we stop at the coffee shop and I get a free coffee!! even tho I suggest to pay, he always buys me one. We chat in a sense more relaxed as it is not work environment, and it's cool. I enjoy talking to my dad, he is stressed a lot because of work, money, and pressure from responsibility at work so I try and help him out and do the best I can to help become an equal participate in the business, and pull my 'weight' so to speak. The business is small so it's vulnerable to things such as economy dips or rising gas prices, this is also effecting all other businesses and business people that we have dealings with as they are going out of business, having trouble paying the costs, and cutting services with us cause they cant afford it, which thus effects our business. My whole life my dad has been stressed about work, he is always in the back of his 'mind' thinking about work, and the business is always a part of his everyday being, as this is our livelihood and is not a secure thing as is seen with many business going under lately.

In an equal money system, business will be structured and lived in a way that is 'easier' on the beings that are involved. Firstly, no being anywhere on this planet will be used for an others' gain, all slavery of any kind to any species will be abolished as this is just showing our own enslavement, equal money is freedom - real and true for all and every being here as abuse to life will not be tolerated and given proper consequences if realized. Secondly, the stress and pressure many feel to make it, and sustain the paycheck every week to be able to put a house over their kids heads and food on the table will be gone because in an equal money system, this will be provided to all the basic needs of all with the guarantee of equal money distribution of all from birth to death. This money will be able to sustain one for the entirety of there lives with everything that is needed to live dignified. This is not a game nor ploy, as so many of us go 'where the fuck is the catch in this? this can not be possible?' The most astonishing thing is that this is beyond possible, it is a step away, in a basic description money needs to be allocated to all in principled living founded on the basis of what is best for all. Then all the questions, uncertainties, doubts, disbelief, ect. are squashed because it will be here, lived by all as each being will benefit as the all will benefit. No bells and whistles just simple math such as 1+1=2, I need to live and you need to live as we all here need to live, there is enough for all, so lets all live here in equality. Basic, simple, and practical living.

Another point, equal money will not be a stressed filled rat race, dog eat dog environment, it'll be relaxed, slowed down, and considerate of all as we will all see self in life so it will be a self enjoyment of life living in equality as nothing is not freely given. Jobs will probably not be seen as work as it will be structured in ways that each being will be able to do what one enjoys, and what one feel passionate about. It will be fun and enjoyable to live here and breath, and go do what it is you enjoy as well as helping the betterment of all through our stand as custodians of this earth. The struggle to survive and make money to live will finally be null and void as this is not life. Equal Money ='s Equal Life , where life is only life if all are equal as one as self. Lets get our boots on, and start walking the steps of self realization to see this thru all as one as equal till it is here.


Thursday, March 3, 2011

2011 I gotta goooooo

I had a guitar lesson tonight, which I didn't 'want' to go to today because I been feeling 'tired' and just wanting to rest and relax. The lesson is at 9pm so it's late and I could easily skip it because I have to wait about a half hour for my turn. I did not accept myself to skip it nor allow many thoughts about being tired or wanting to get out of it. As I have realized whatever you put focus on will become your reality, so best to stay with the physical and live within and as what I am doing physically here, and not go into unnecessary points of compromise with thoughts. That is what I did, lived physical.

I did allot of physical things today, and am satisfied with the day I had. I took Henri for a walk early, took a math test, and got much done at work. I have still tasks at work that I left unfinished as I did not have time to complete them, but will finish them tomorrow. This is a point that I see I get anxious with when I let stuff sit overnight, or do not tackle and complete something in one go, I will get a sort of uneasiness within me and anxiety because I have this urge to complete everything quickly. Being quick and getting all my task done in a hurry, I will have to start to look at, I have with the quickness where I have walked some in slowing myself down to stability within this point.

I find the car and driving. a great support for slowing myself down, as in the car I can see immediately if I go into the anxiety and urge to move quickly as my car will show me this, the physical will show me. I will start whizzing by people and going off in my head about other peoples' driving become spiteful, I do not accept this anymore within and as me and have seen this point diminish. The speed part I still have to push and continually push to apply the breathing, and slowing myself to here as one breath at a time. There really is no reason to rush and/or go quickly, as within this quickness state I am likely and usually do often miss things, such as at work, and have to go back and do it over. Where the first time I could just be here, do diligent pace by pace work, and move on to the next point. A simple practical point to stop wasting time. So slowing down, being in breath awareness, stopping urges for quickness, and the anxiety to get stuff down immediately is what I am currently working with to support and assist myself to live within and as the physical here what is real.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

2011 Self Forgiveness on Power/Control/Anger

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I need to have power over others to be in control.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe I need to have power to get what I want out of my life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting me to feel powerless and thus out of control if I am not getting what is expected and desired out of any given moment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to have expectation within and as each moment and thus limit my expression in and as breath as what is within and as my mind as desire to be fulfilled.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to be fulfilled.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to look for fulfillment in others thus abdicating my responsibility to stand up and stand in self honest as who I am and be held accountable as what is best for all as my actions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing emotions as anger to direct me in times when my desires are not fulfilled.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting rage to be within and as me if I do not receive the desired outcome from others, and thus within this rage blame the other for not being fulfilled.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to blame another for me not living within and as self honesty and thus allowing anger to direct me on living out fantasies and desires that did not manifest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to take my anger out onto others around me and deflect myself within and as responsibility for allowing to separate my own participation in reacting and thus not seeing all that is in consideration as the whole and only my self interest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to live from a point of ego because I want to be in power and control by dominating others so I can have the upper hand and thus be able to live out my desires.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow abuse on others in my struggle for power and control when trying to fulfill my self interested desires.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting anger and rage to exist within and as me as a product of my own making by allowing thoughts to accumulate of judgment and blame onto others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not want to face myself because I desire to hold a perfect picture of me in my head, and hide from that which is considered 'dark' within me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be afraid of the dark who is me within and without.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting fear to direct me thus clouding the opportunity for change and transcendence by becoming equal with who I am as all of me and standing within and as common sense application to correct self here in breath when I see fit.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold on to my ego so I can remain a cool person within and as my mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to hold on to this cool/perfect picture of me in my head because I base who I am off this picture I am holding onto as memories and defining myself by this.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting pictures and memories to define who I am as life here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the mind to direct me within and as emotions and thoughts.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself in each and every moment based on my outer reality as i see in pictures and mind energy as emotions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting me to define myself by the outside of myself and miss me here within and as self as breath living.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to care what others think of me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold on to thoughts of others past words/actions and thus judge myself from that.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist as the past.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live out and continually fuel the polarity of
inferior/superior within my self and my world by comparison.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the comparison of myself to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting separation within and as me.

I stop separation and comparison.

I stop judging myself and stop all polarities.

I stop the ego and live here.

I stop blame on others and face myself.

I stop the power struggle and dominance of others

I accept me.

I stop abuse of self here within and as all life.

I embrace me here as all as one as self.

I embrace my darkness and stand up and live from this here.

I walk and move as one and equal as the physical in breath.

2011 Got Hit Today

Today I got in an accident, not serious nor caused any real damage to my car, but did get a smack in the back of the whip. This was when I was going on to a highway type road, so not much time nor space to talk to the person that hit me. I was about to pull out of the street, and this car was coming pretty fast so I decided to be cautious and wait, then I got the hit as the guy behind me thought I was going. There was a line of cars behind him, so we didn't have anywhere to move to nor were able to have a conversation. I got out of my car and walked over to him, he approached me and immediately started saying that there was no damage. I looked at the bumper, and there was no major damage, but there was indents, which cracked the plastic from the screws of his license plate. I allowed him to get in his car, and let it rest as there was not much damage. The car is a lease so we'll see if it will cost anything. After the fact, as within the moment when talking to the guy, I went into suppression and reserve allowing him to direct the situation, and allowing myself to go into inferiority due to his demeanor. Not being within and as common sense, to get his information in case it was something, but go into fear and just allowed to be dominated.

I notice that I will react within the starting point to people within meeting them based on a split second calculation of the other persons demeanor and from there go into a inferior stance or superior stance based on if I see them as strong/weak. Very much from the mind, allowing competition, dominance, suppression, power struggle, comparison, polarities, many factors play out within my acceptance and allowance of this pattern to continue. This showing that I am still accepting this point of fear within conflict believing that I am powerless because I have not accepted myself as equal and one as all, but have lived within and as polarity as better/worse. This a point I see and do not accept, and will continue to keep pushing myself so I have equalized self within the acceptance of who I am here til it is done.

Self forgiveness to follow