Thursday, March 17, 2011

2011 The fear and anxiety of Impending Doom

Lately, I have been feeling tense and a tightness within the chest area, I got some support for this and was shown that it is from holding onto fear and anxiety within this point of impending doom that I have been projecting and holding on to towards my world. This fear and anxiety is here tho due to my own creation based on my continued particpation in thoughts of what the future might be like, will I be able to make money, will I be able to survive, is this world going to go into chaos, and on on on it goes. It's like a merry go round because these thoughts never lead me anywhere, like a solution that is tangible and here, or a place of serenity and calm, but around in circles with no resolution. No it brings me down this road of petrification and major anxiety where I am not able to compute and function properly here because I am too busy in my head thinking, not paying any awareness to what is here, the solution as myself, which in turn only causes more hardship for self as what I am dealing with is not real.

Now that I have walked some time in self honesty and self forgiveness while re-educating myself on what it means to LIVE here and exist within this world with all the other beings that are here, the solution is starting to become clear. A helpful realizations that I have come to realize is that there is no where else to be, but here where I am in this moment, in this physical body. Here in this body, is where the solution is, as I am the solution to all that I face in this world, I created it and I can solve it. Fear and anxiety are here to show me that I am still reacting and separating myself from what is here as me as I am one and equal with what is here as the physical life around me, so I must face this and correct it. Working on fear and anxiety, and also the polarity play-out of desiring to have my world be stable and comfortable, where I am in control of my security and able to function in this expected life I am use to. Not much equality in that scenario as this is in self interest only allowing and caring for my own comfort, self sustainability, and self security. None of these desires nor expectations are real due to the fact that they are only causing instability within myself and the inability to function properly here as been shown with the pain, shakiness, and tense up when speaking to others. This will be a walk to sort this out and see where this is originating from, and how I designed it so I can see and start taking responsibility to stop these reactions from directing me. Nothing is real, but the physical what we can touch.

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