In desteni-i-process I have learned to curtail and nip this problem area in the butt by becoming aware of these moments when i go into 'wasteful' thought. These 'wasteful' type thoughts lately I have noticed have been how I am looking with my hair growing in a bit from having it be bald. I am judging myself for this within my backchat thoughts (back chat thoughts are not spoken, but linger within the back of our minds dominating ones behavior and reactions within their world; usually leading to destructive and abusive behavior towards self or others based on holding on to these thoughts as if they are real ex: 'i am ugly' 'she is stupid' 'fuck, i hate her' ect. ).
This happened when I was called on to awnser a question in class, and I messed up the problem, and I had a phsyical reaction of my face going red. Immediately when I noticed that I was going into that pattern of depression and suppression of myself by feeling sorry for me and becoming the victim of the situation, I breathed becoming present here. I had these thoughts go thru that others where judging me as 'dumb' based on me not answering the question correctly and me having this red face for all to see was causing anxiety.
I immediately in that moment applied myself to stop all forms of thoughts of inferiority, and stopped the suppression of my expression due to this redness and thoughts of others judging me. But pushed myself to correct my 'mistake' to the class, breathed thru any points of energy that had come thru, and remained stable here and was able to defuse the energy impulse that was created in an instant when I said the problem wrong. This I was able to see the pattern when it arised with the embarressment experience, and immediately I went into a self directed application where I stopped the energy impulse from taking me over and completely submitting to the depressive state. So stopping inferiority in a moment thru my understanding of my own patterns, and able to diffuse the energies and thoughts due to my application with self forgiveness and stopping it with my own self will. This being quite empowering once you have proven to yourself that you can actually stop yourself from becoming depressed and become effective in these moments of embarrassment or inferiority energies 'wanting' to become possessive.
The desteni i process is where I am learning how to be able to deal with these types of situation that come up throughout my day, and instead of giving in to the situation and making myself less then, I can stand within myself in a directive manner and control who and what I am in that moment. This were I become a much more productive being, and am able to create and express myself with more clarity and ease so I can be stable in what is here in my reality to be done. This being a complete reversal to what I was originally use to existing as, where I wondered around in my mind wasting time on thoughts about me and others that simple are no real and are irrelevant, such as me with short hair or long hair, it makes absolutly no difference to who and what I can be and how I can live here. I am grateful for the process and desteni for helping me to become a more self directed being and understanding the tools on who to walk this for and as myself to be effective in helping change the world in a way where all are stable and enjoying ourselves as life.
If you would like to join Desteni I Process or discuss further you can email me at: ggoodrow17@gmail.com or go to the link above in article.
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