Sunday, May 22, 2011

2011 I am a Killer

Last night, I killed a being, I was in my room, cleaning and getting things sorted, and there was a fly flying around. It kept going to the window and the lights, to me, looking for a way out. So me going into the savior construct, I had to save the fly and get him outside. As I was doing this, I realized later thru writing with the back chat thoughts of, ‘oh the fly will appreciate it so much that a human will help him, and not kill him.’ ‘I am such a good human because i help bugs, what a hero I am.’ This is based on my own self making myself feel good and acceptable because of what I am doing, so reactive in my being as I am living to reach an outcome and become acceptable for myself in separation not seeing nor living this as who I am. Reactive as trying to get to a point of acceptability by fulfilling it in my actions instead of here accepted as who I am in breath. I am here.

Unfortunately for the fly, he was killed in the process. I went over to him with a cup because he was up high on the ceiling, and I didn't want to squash him accidentally with my hands,  I figured a cup would do the trick and I got a book to cover it, so he could sit in it while I transported him out the window. I got him under the cup, and he would not go in the cup so I started to move the cup down to boost him into the cup. While doing this I caught his delicate head, and it got detached from his body, killing him in that moment. This caused a reaction of sadness within me because I realize the implication of what I just did, causing the death of bug = myself for no reason, but for me to be satisfied. I also am living out the polarity of happy/disappointment because I am relying on these polarity emotions to direct me throughout this event. Going from happiness of saving the bug to sadness because I killed him, when if I was being directive, I would have seen that the bug could have just flew out the window on his own time, as he would fly there every once and a while anyways or not, he would stay put and chill. Allow him to live, and direct himself, but helping without harm done. Nope, I had to push the desire and I killed him. He was a big one, bigger then usual, and had probably lived many experiences, enjoyed his expression as a bug, and lived his life. If I would have just left him alone, he would be alive still. When going to help another, of course, if necessary is very cool, but I realize that I have to stop and take in all the considerations/implications that I can see at that moment, working with what is here as me, and to expand myself in seeing all that consists of the outflows of my actions. Stopping these emotions for desire fulfillment to be a hero, that I was pushing, and let life be as is, until I am aware of a point with all implications seen, to help to do what is best for all in all ways where I cause no harm.  Yes, this was not intentional, but I still should have checked my starting point, and seen where I was at. The desire to save was strong, showing that I still am seeing my world separate, and not fully facing who I am within it. I have to investigate this more.

SO my basic point is that, really, for me to look deeper into the points of what is best for all, and push self honesty to not cause any unnecessary harm to life in anyway whatsoever. If I abuse life in one iota, I am abuser of life, I push myself to stop abusing life thru self honesty and self forgiveness so I can be trusted with life and worthy to be a life being actually here alive as who I am truly one and equal as self.

Just a note, and one will know this as I have as well, many will say or think, well, it just a bug it doesn't feel anything, its dirty, tiny, it has no brain, it eats garbage, ect. but all of those are irrelevant because when one see in self honesty, this is a being equal and one to me, and feels pain as he/she is a physical being as I would feel pain as I am a physical being. Life is physical, and is living within physical laws, obviously, one’s perception/threshold of pain is different, but we all know how pain feels as a physical experience. The bug feels as a human feels as a dog feels as we all feel. I will always care no matter who the being is because I realize I am that being, and I put myself in there shoes. Obviously, self honesty is needed to determine the starting point of why I do what I do, and this once aligned for whats best for all life will start to change and manifest this outflow because I am this within.

In an equal money system, all beings will be respected and seen as one with life, interconnected and supported as part of the one whole as us living. All species, all races, all things created, respected and cared for as best it can be. I push to live in a way that respects all life in all that I do, one and equal to me, equal money system is the best way to get this done as its founded on creating life best for all. Investigate it and see for yourself.

Perspective on a Fly experience you mite not expect: Check it out, blew me away.

Ex-Sports Fan Reincarnated as a Fly- The Way of the Fly- Part 1

Ex-Sports Fan Reincarnated as a Fly- The Way of the Fly- Part2

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