In my world I see that I am very spiteful towards my family, where I hold on to this belief that they are causing me to live and have to limit myself based on how they are acting and how they are causing me to act. Not taking responsibility for my own self within and as the moments of interaction with them, but going into blame and anger because of how it is. This is specific to certain people, where I will react based on accepted and allowed past definitions I hold on to of them, not allowing myself to be here unconditional but holding on to spiteful thoughts and memories of them. This I can see here writing is due to my accepted and allowed desire to hold on to this point of competition specifically with my family where I desire to be looked at and seen as better and right in the eyes of other members. Also holding on to the roles of each family member where they hold me in place to my accepted and allowed personality definitions I hold on to as myself and living out the same cyclical 'fights' 'judgments' 'beliefs' with them, not directing the situation but being directed by my reactions. This not taking responsibility of myself within this and not bringing each and every reaction/belief/judgment/thoughts back to myself. Basically saying that I am not what I judge/believe/react/think about others in my family suiting it to fit into my own desired outcomes so I can enjoy and live in a certain self interest way of life whatever it may be. This not being self honest unconditionally within and as these points of introspection and self forgiveness, but still holding onto these desires to be better and right, living a certain ideal, or self interested memories. I am going to write out more on paper as it is more sufficient to write more in a space of time and also to not implicate anyone on internet as this writing requires to get more personal, also to open up more points, but cool here to look at some of this within how I have accepted and allowed myself to be.
This is in reference to a video that was done on my eye swelling up a few weeks ago, which Sunette posted today- the video response.
Self Forgiveness Application on post
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live within and as spite towards my world blaming my world for how I am experiencing myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to blame my family for how i am experiencing myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to blame my living conditions for how I am experiencing myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting resentment within and as reactions to and as my family's interaction because I am not gaining the desired outcome that I have set out to attain.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to have a desired outcome in which I attain to.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to limit myself within attainments.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow resentment in my actions towards my family to manifest as anger in words and actions.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to miss myself within and as my reactions towards and with my family as if I am not responsible for what is occurring.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abdicate my self responsibility to handle myself in self honesty to stop the reactions of anger, resentment, and blame I am holding towards others in my family.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to hold onto blame and resentment towards others to have the upper hand within and as future situations so I can be right and thus be superior.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to have the upper hand over other beings so I can be right and thus win.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see my world within and as competition so I can win and be the best.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist in spitefulness if I don't win and thus don't get the desires I set out for in the act of competing.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to be right.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to win.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not unconditionally accept others as myself and thus see myself in others.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto my ego and thus desire to boost my ego within and as the thoughts of winning and gaining the upper hand.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not accept myself as who I am and believe I have to be better.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge others for who they are and thus not fully investigate who i am as what my world is showing me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not investigate myself fully because I still hold on to these desires to stay on top and be the best in my world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow best and worst polarities to exist with and as me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto comparisons of others in my world.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold on to memories of others in the past and use them against others as a back up plan so I can be on top.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within and as the past so I don't have to face myself here.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto how I view others as comparisons and judgments within the means of competition so I can be the best.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting comparison of others to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist through the eyes of my mind in reactions and hold onto the reactions so I can gain satisfaction when it is released as energy.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire the release of energy instead of realizing who I am within this energy build up and direct it within self honesty.
I release all points of separation within holding on to energies as addictions and will myself to direct myself in common sense for what is best for all.
I stand up within and as these realization, and I stop my participation with being better.
I stop spiting myself within and as others holding onto past memories of them to then hold against them.
I stop the desire to win.
I stop competition.
I stop blame and separation to avoid responsibility.
I stop judgment,
I accept all here as myself and realize that I move me here as what is best for all not limiting myself within reactions nor desires that are not real.
I breath thru the reactions here, and always bring back everything in my world back to myself to see where I am at in breath in self honesty.
I walk these realizations to equalize myself with who I am here as all here as physical beings.
thanks
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