Wednesday, February 23, 2011

2011 I am a back chatter....and I stop

Why do I behave in spitefulness, allowing the back chat of thoughts and pictures of others as nastiness and abuse to direct me many time's thru out my days? Common sense, I would not want to be treated or even thought about in the ways I 'think' of others, but in a sense it is allowed based on my agreement with myself that all are doing it, so that justifies myself to do it as well, unacceptable.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to justify my back chat because others are doing it as well.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to assume how and what others are thinking and or doing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting back chat thoughts of abuse to direct me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting anger and spitefulness to direct me based on participating into and as my back chat thoughts.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to participate in my secret mind and thus hide who I really am to save face.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a fake face and thus hide my true thoughts of someone.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting thoughts to direct me, instead of realizing I am here as breath simple as who I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear being vulnerable in front of others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hide in and as my secret mind and back chats so I don't have to face myself.

I stop back chat and secret mind thoughts from direct me. I realize I am able to stop this and I stop this here in and as each breath as I walk.

I direct myself in common sense as one and equal to all as myself.

I stop spitefulness.

i stop anger.

I stop abuse of myself thru and as others.

I am here, I walk as life one and equal and I face who I have become here no matter what happens.

I breath.

This only to be faced as myself to show the detriment and reversed way of living that this actually causes humans to live out on this planet, living within and as our back chat and secret mind thoughts, the 'real' human nature would be revealed, evil, (=lived in reverse, evil=live) this is true if observed even for a moment. All abuse in any forms starts within thoughts, the way I allow my thoughts to direct me, and what I allow through this space between my ears is creating and eventually going to manifest my physical reality.

Let me look at an example to help myself see this is as a real-life scenario, this morning I was at my desk working and my dad who is my boss came in with some news that was not easy to hear. This caused emotional feelings of hopelessness and fear, but I allowed this to be suppressed, these feelings, and not voice myself to speak out and discuss what was going on within me for me to see and realize who I was being in that moment. I allowed to hold it in and fester in and as my secret mind and through out the morning as back chat going on in my head while moving thru work. I went on with my day, holding on to the back chat thoughts about how fucked up shit is, how everyone is fucked, and I am going to be fucked. This allowing to build as I was not directing the point, and when those at my work that would come to ask me a question about something i would not be here, as this energy that is now built up as hopelessness, fear, and anger has started to manifest as I am feeling heavy within myself, thus manifesting the back chat as heaviness of the thoughts that where depressive in nature, and allowing a rage as fear thru anger to fuel me forward in spitefulness towards others. Back chat / secret mind thoughts manifest in and thru the mind into the physical as emotions based on enegry.

A co-worker asked me to do something for her with some jewelry, and I was very quick with her wanting to release this built up emotion so I buzzed her away as the problem was not able to be solved by me, she had to go to the jeweler, but I was being very cold and unhelpful to her problem. Not allowing any form of equality within what I was actually doing physically with her as her, but being wrapped up in my secret mind allowing back chat of her, such as her 'being annoying and would she just leave me alone, figure it out urself', ect. These back chat thoughts manifesting into my words as being spiteful within them and as my physical actions as I moved quick and aggressively with her, this allowing some of the built up emotion to be released generated through the thoughts in the secret mind, as I would not dare say it allowed (why not? something to consider later, open this up more). After some time later, I started to see what I was doing and started to breath thru the emotions and stop the back chat and secret mind thoughts to then become equal again to her as myself as what is real here as the physical REALity.

I am seeing, it's a point that is needed to be directed specifically when it occurs, and stopped immediately when it is seen as this can easily build and become physically manifest in all sorts of ways, anger and spitefulness I am working with at the moment myself, within and as accepting and allowing back chat and secret mind thoughts continually unchecked. This can become very unfortunate, if it becomes out of hand and uncontrollable as emotions flare and become unpredictable. This seeing, monitoring, and being aware as breath here allows one to start to recognize the back chat/secret mind chatter and can start to tame, direct, and eventually release it as it is not who I am here. No secrets are ever needed nor are ever cool, so I am standing in facing myself as the secret mind/back chat I have allowed and accepted, and stopping this back chat/secret mind chatter til it ceases to exist.

Later I was with the co-worker from that day, and she confronted me about me being 'rude' earlier, I apologized and we discussed directly what I was suppressing and taking out on her, that helped me to see more clear what I was doing and what I can do next time to stop the back chat thoughts of spite and anger, and be here direct equal as the physical and equal as other beings, my co-worker in this instance, to be effective with real solutions for what's best for all. Not allowing unnecessary abusive consequences through spite and anger in the interest of only my self satisfaction for a moment as an energy release, this being not real and will never last.

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