2011 Writing Myself to Freedom...Check out How I Get it Done

Writing within the 'process' is used by self as a point of support to get a handle of who I have become here and how indeed I can change myself. I use writing as a way to put myself out in front of me, like uncoiling a spring, stretching myself out over the page to see where I am at and where I may need work. This is cool because you can open up points that normally never get addressed within daily life, hardly ever do you have the opportunity, unless highly attuned to others and self, work out reactions or emotions that are going on within you.

We humans usually hold everything in and suppress these built up feelings. For example, my boss chastising me about how I am doing my job not quick enough and I could be doing it much more diligently, the emotions of anger, fear, and aggravation surging beneath the surface. Whatever I was thinking or feeling during and after the event, I could not properly work out because I was in a work environment and was distracted to quickly to really address the issues and reactions coming up.  This addressing of the reactions and emotions that continually flow up in our everyday lives needs an outlet and needs to be resolved at some point from somewhere or it will boil over in our worlds, this where we see conflict happen. Writing is a perfect way to address these points in a timely manner and putting your whole self into it. Writing ourselves to self freedom then becomes a support where we free ourselves from the bonds of self abdication and self limitation by  addressing it in a intimate and specific way stemming down to ourselves as creators of what is here as this current world.  I am working with the desteni tools of self forgiveness and self honesty within each moment as well for self support, but writing is like the gentle flow in the river that keeps everything moving.

I have really enjoyed expanding myself in my writing, and it's cool to see that I can push myself within this and write out some points or articles that before I wouldn't have thought I could ever come up with. I sometimes go back and read older post or self forgiveness, and see the points I have walked thru and gain stability in. To have a record shows me that I am indeed capable of this process of changing, and being consistent shows me that I am able to become stable within what is here in this world as who I have been. Also, it is a place where I can show who I am to life, and become visible for all to read and gain perspective in there walks as well. As I have gotten great support from all those who share and write themselves out in self freedom, so it becomes a sharing is caring network of self development into life beings that are practical and self honest. A point of sharing and being visible is a way to become trusted as I am showing myself to myself, and becoming my own expression within the one voice of equality and oneness until indeed we have created a world where all are treated in the best way possible. Writing is a gift to self and is a living will that is in word for all as me to see.

2011 Writing Myself to Freedom...Check out How I Get it Done

2011 Stopping the Storm and Standing

I am looking at a point recently of walking process practically. I was looking at blame and how I use this to go in to points of self doubt and unworthiness not taking responsibility for who I am here but fucking around in the mind. What are these points of blame, but to cause more seperation within my world because i can never truly prove this point of blame towards another as they will always come back wiith the same reactions so nothing ever gets solved.  Also, blaming another in my world is just showing that I am not taking responsibility for myself, and thus comes the guilt. Guilt also is mind equaling not real so just more points of distraction and non acceptance. These points been coming up throughout my process, and lately as I have fallen a bit behind in my commitments.

I realized that I have to stop this point of going into the mind within my world and separating myself from it thru these emotions that come up, this will always cause conflict within myself. I must allow myself to walk thru points, fall and get back up again, all that matters is that I continue to get back up again. As Life is within the stand of a being, doesn't matter the path to get to here, as long as one is here constant as life, this obviously require a point of self honesty because one must be self willing there application not waiting around or ''taking there time' as a point of self abdication. I have to continually push myself to keep standing no matter what comes because I have created such a mind field of temptation here. However as long as I am here, wherever that my be, and I stand up for what is real, life one and equal for whats best for all - life will be free. This is why I do this as I as Life am free so freedom I walk to because I exist as my mind at the moment, and this is unacceptable to me.


For more perspective on the mind visti: desteni.za.co

2011 Stopping the Storm and Standing

2011 Recent Points, Agreement, Speaking, Being Lonely

I haven't seen Dmitry in a few weeks now, we had just recently started up our agreement, but have not seen eachother since that weekend. We both had to work all week the first week, and then he went to training for two weeks, he'll be back this weekend. I have been continuing on in my own process working on points of anger control thru breath and stopping this point of trying to impress others to make myself feel ok. We talk on the phone briefly, but it's not much as it's only a few minutes. We have been talking about moving in together for a while now, but he is getting laid off from his job in a month so we might have to hold up on those plans or re-evaluate the financial end of it and see if we can work it. Rent here is quite expensive, equal money system will create fair price as well as opportunity for all on having and maintaining shelter, which is very cool as now many can't afford to live even tho they have jobs.

I like the idea that Gian recently shared in his vlog about his experience while being at the desteni farm, that him and his agreement partner, Leila, did within writing back and forth in a notebook, and kind of sharing themselves thru writing instead of speaking out the points as mind can influence easier when speaking. This is cool and I am gonna see if Dmitry wants to try it, I never considered doing this and seems a cool way to get more intimate with each-other as we start out this walk together. I always found it easier to express myself in writing rather then speaking as for me there is more room to get to what I want to express - out. Speaking I was always shy and didn't really have full confidence in what I was gonna say, so it come out shaky or in emotion. I have been working on that with vlogs tho, the speaking myself out part, just allowing myself to express not judging because then I probably would never post a video.

I find myself lonely within my world recently as there is not many who relate to me and I find it hard sometimes talking to others about stuff that I am interested in, I find allot of people just don't want to get so in depth about issues or stuff, and I find it hard sometimes expressing myself in ways to help people understand more of what I am talking about. I have completely changed since starting process in what I will talk about, sometimes I find it very hard to talk to others because I feel like I am compromising my process and/or causing abuse. The point of speaking up and directing myself with others, this I do sometimes, but it seems like a majority of people I talk to need to be directed allot, and I don't feel able to direct them in a way that is best for all because I have not yet lived what I speak. This comes up allot with my dad when he talks about stuff in politics, and I see myself go into a reactive state, so I just stop talking and let him speak and move on. When and if I did speak I would go into anger mostly and it would turn into an argument. I am directive at points when I see that it be cool to, but I definitely have notice I must discern each moment to assess whether I can be effective or whether I will be reactive when talking or speaking to others. Been a process with this that I am still walking, this being facing others as me and living whats best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to become lonely when I believe that no one can relate to me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see others not relating to me and becoming lonely because i desire to have my expectations met of how a conversation should go and when this falls, I feel abandoned.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to blame others for making me feel abandoned and lonely because I haven't dealt with my one self interest connected to being with others and what I desire to speak about.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to place others within and as expectation.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge and blame others for my own polarity playout of being fulfilled and abandoned.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use others as self comfort and not seeing me here as self comfort within and as myself as all as one as life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to miss dmitry because he is someone I can openly talk to and he 'gets' me so to speak.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not stand here as my own point of self stability and look for it out there, which is not real.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into moments with preconceived ideas and not allow life to be here unconditional in breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to miss breath here as me.

I stop this desire to be fulfilled.

I stop feeling lonely and abandoned due to my own self interest needs.

I stop seeing others as my comfort and realize I am here as my own self comfort and self stability.

I am here and realize I can only make real life here if I will it thru self living. I am one and equal with all here and I realize I am the breath of life. I walk unconditionally as I see all here are me equal and one.

2011 Recent Points, Agreement, Speaking, Being Lonely