Sunday, January 30, 2011

Why am I doing this....Process Support

Why am i doing what I am doing? This pertaining to walking a process to self realize myself meaning to be the living expression as the actual here movement of the absolute truth of life as it is here being one and equal to life living as (my)self. The physical reality we are living here in is the absolute truth because we are alive, are given unconditionally as life which can be seen as self so it is giving to ourselves, and able to move, express, and transcend to fully actualized beings as self one and equal to life here as this physical existence as who we are - ex. trees, plants, animals, ocean, nature. This is not so as of yet because I still exist in my head, not here, but in thoughts, memories, picture shows, and directed by my emotions, feelings, and outside influence, this being not in this moment here as physical touch, but in my head in different dimensions all over the place. The physical is key as this is the place where life is and this is the place where 'I' (I = Life individualized as self in a being/expression) am. Heaven, death, afterlife stories, as there are countless version, unfortunately was just that stories, and this can be proven by self if you look in honesty of the whole of the stories being told. Some points that help me see the falsehood in the claims that to be 'godly' and/or in a 'heavenly realm' we must die, and claims that heaven is where we reign, where our kingdoms are, but we must die in order to get there. What the fuck? Jesus was a living example as he did transcend death, and was an example to show to beings on earth that this is possible, humans can live this. But there was still forces that he was not aware of, and he got fucked with so it did not manifest and stick with the beings here at that time. (links for more on Jesus story:here also Jesus written articles:here)

If I am life, then death is not necessary and not real because life supersedes all death or things that are in decay as life is simply being alive. So obviously something is going on here within humans expressions of themselves and how the world is currently existing as, as much separation and much anger. Desteni is also a key point for me because this is where the whole story came together, the missing pieces that no religion, no priest, no book, no parent, no anything could tell because no one had any bloody idea what was going on, and to what extent this was actually playing a role in the way our lives where existing and being directed as total control. This is why I am constantly putting desteni out there, for those who haven't heard or known so they can see and self realize themselves too , it is too important not to and be silent, will not accept myself in this state. As all beings here have to transcend the nature of themselves as self dishonesty to self honesty, this is a walk for every being in existence no one is excluded, we all have to walk as a self realization movement otherwise it will not be. In other words no one can do it for another, all must be done through self's own willed application for it to be true.

So I figured out with much research through the desteni material and my own studies, that heaven and hell,  otherworldly places, all heavenly angelic beautiful places, are not real and not necessary. I have realized that heaven is here as this physical existence where I am alive, breathing, moving, touching, seeing, and existing as a living being in each and every moment. The breath, this is what is life here as it gives and re-gives life to life in an infinite cycle of renewal and opportunity. Becoming as and within the breathing of my physical human body as the physical movement of inhaling and exhaling, this has been extremely assisting and helpful in realizing in what being here is, what being life is, what being in the moment is, and how to direct in a slowed down moment by moment movement to see and stop which I see is not supportive and assisting to life here as me.

So in realizing that I am in fact am here in the physical body moving and breathing, breath by breath, aware of this inhale and exhale, the movement of my chest going up and down, and the placement of my foot step by step on the solid ground, aware of my movement in each moment, I am realizing that I am indeed life here one and equal through my own will, which is what is real as I am physically here doing it. The storm of activity moving around in my head into and through my world is not what is real as literally it is not physical and can not be tangible touched.  Being directed by my thinking and emotions was specifically designed (see desteni site for more perspective) to cause conflict, to cause chaos, to cause self abuse, and ultimately to cause myself to be lost and blind in forgetfulness and spite my self in splintered pieces never realizing that I am separate and/or having no known way to become whole again.

So this process I am walking to bring my self back here to the physical in breath. Using the tools of self honesty to see where I have lost myself for a moment and separated me as I am considering everything of me, then it is to self forgive myself to purify and release that which I separated myself in living, and changing to be one again and stop the separation as me. Thus the self forgiveness statements are important to realize where change is needed,  and voice myself to solidify within self that I have realized the change that is needed to be lived and I walk the living word as myself. This is where I do self corrective application, and walk through a process of seeing, stopping, and in a breath correcting that separation I have now identified, forgave, stopped in living application, and thus can be transcend until it's is not an issue and has no effect on my directive will in each and all moments any longer

Here, I would like to give an example of how I applied this in my life in living application through applying self honesty and self forgiveness. About a year and a half ago, I took on this point of stopping all participation with marijuana, which I was extremely addicted to, I used it about 4x a day for many years. This is a pattern in the beginning I didn't want to give up nor thought of myself able to give it up as I relied on it for social settings, to relax, to do physical activities, and pretty much throughout my day, I used it to deal with everything. So this was a really deep routed pattern for me to transcend, which I knew from the beginning that this must be done if I am going to be for real in this walking as there was a huge resistance to do this. So I started writing myself out on the forum, and would do the 21 day exercises, at first this was a process to stop the weed for twenty one days, I had to completely stop buying weed, eventually stop hanging out with those that abused it, and throw out all paraphernalia that was associated with it. So the removal of it form my world as a statement to myself that I will not accept and allow this abuse to continue was done, and was cool for me to show that I was serious about stopping. I started my self forgiveness process, which I was resisting because throughout I wanted to continue smoking, just did not want to give it up, and knew once I started the forgiveness portion, there was no turning back, I was walking my destiny so to speak. So walked the 21 days, then I would go back to smoke once a week, then I do it more and more, then 21 days again of no weed. I eventually realized that I had to stop for longer then 21 days so I stopped for three months, then went back and smoked, then did three more months, so it was becoming a pattern. I continued to do self forgiveness on points that would come up throughout, and this helped me to see where and how I was still manipulating myself to give in to desires and get high again. So eventually I made a video speaking about my patterns with weed, and that helped as a visual to see where I was at with the whole thing, as video are in the moment no planning, so those where assisting to see myself in a vulnerable state where I couldn't really hide. I eventually came to a decision that I was going to have to stand up and completely stop this pattern of smoking, which I did. I made a video and stated that if I fell I would have to face myself in another vlog, which I did as well cause I did fall, but stood up again. And have no desire/want/need to smoke any weed or cigarette for that matter within me, completely has diminished.

Now, I can say that I have ended the urge to smoke and am not effected when others are smoking, because through the self forgiveness and applying myself through those months, I have accumulated my living application to see that it is not worth it.  I am not going to accept or allow myself to be directed by anything outside myself, and thus compromise who I am in this moment. For this one point, the walk was lengthy, and had many ups and downs, many points where I fell, but most important is that I stuck through, stood up and pushed myself to live my words, live my self forgiveness, live my corrective application statements, and stop the addiction to weed. Also, I simple do not need it to be here and live, this is very cool because I have proven to myself that I can stop these addictive behaviors, control myself, direct myself, and push my living application to be real, to be truth, and stand as life. Many more points to transcend, but cool to push through and stand up from my addiction to the weed.

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