Monday, January 17, 2011

Me at the Moment

I have been having a hard time with my family lately, they are really pushing this point of desteni being a cult and that I am being conned. It's interesting because it really doesn't matter what I say or do to show them what desteni is about or what is being discussed there, they have already made up there own 'minds' and I can not change it. I have to be the living example and show them in my life and living which is really the only way I am finding to have an effective, they need to want to do it on there own. Savior complex is being activated at times with them, I am seeing this and not accepting it as it is something that is not real and can not be done, only self can save self.
I am at the moment dependent on my father for work, and he is threatening to fire me because of my hair and being involved with desteni. He allows me to where a hat, but does not want to see me without one on. This is something I have to adhere to because I need a job to make money, there is no way I can not work or I get fucked with bills. I am the perfect slave, and all that desteni has been discussing such as we are literally enslaved to this current system down to the wiring within us, and the only way to get out of it, is by our own self will is true. I have to self sustain myself and create a point of independence where I don't need or depend on anyone, living for myself, I am ready to do this.  Makes perfect common sense to me and the only way for me to learn what it takes and how it is to actually - truly be life, must be lived and self realized.
I am living with my parents for a couple months to save money, so I can get an apartment on my own, I tried living with my sister and her husband as it was a pretty cool setup, but there was too much conflict, just didnt work out. I am also starting graduate studies this semester, am not sure what I am going to focus on, I am going to a counseler in a week to discuss this. My degree is in political science. I am working towards being effective in the equal money system, so that is my focus. I am working with these points and will open up more later within writing. I have limited time on the internet as I can only be on the comp. for a certain amount of time as I am in my parents house, so for know have to deal with this. I will figure something out that is more effective in the next couple of days. My world is getting hectic as I am so interwined with my family it's getting hard to seperate desteni with them, and it's not meshing well unfortunately. I see that I am allowing fear still to direct me on lossing family and security. SF to follow.


  1. hey Gabrielle, I went through a similar experience with my father - I also found that the most effective way is to simply live my words and lead by example - so it is cool because it challenges directly the savior point/desteni as knowledge and information point. for now i simply use my parents as a financial support while I require it - if they do not participate in process, it will be use/abuse, if they do 'come around', obviously that will be cool, but that is their point of self responsibility.

    this point is cool because it pushes one to live and apply in absolute specificity of what is practical - and is not necessarily what you would expect process to be/'look like' - we still have to work with the systems

  2. I also had to stay with my parents when I first came back from the Farm and I had to check myself in each moment if I was going into reaction whenever my mom would talk about my bald head, why I should grow hair, and how I had been brainwashed. Quite a cool test for myself to breathe, stop reaction, and delete all ideas that i had defined myself as in relation to family and responsibility.