Monday, September 12, 2011

2011 How to Eliminate the Anger that Kills.....

I have been looking at this point of rage built up thru anger and irritation within my world. I have noticed this more recently within driving and interacting with family, it causes a surge of irritation to pulsate thru-out my body and me within that react into anger and aggression towards the other on the road or a person in my family. I am going to discuss here on road rage, the family point is for another day. So for instance, a car recently was slowing down without putting his indicator lights on to show that he is turning, and eventually he came to a complete stop in the middle of the road. I then had to slam on my breaks because I was going fast causing Henri to slam forward.  Within this me driving fast behind this guy,  I was being spiteful because he was not indicating a turn, but slowing down quite significantly, where I ASSumed that he was doing this without considering me behind him. This disrupting me for some annoying reason I thought like he didn't get the right directions or he didn't know where he was, which caused me to be irritated that he was not prepared for what he was doing. So going fast behind him I was going to let him know that I am not just going to let him do what he pleases on the road, and he should be prepared for what he is doing. I then proceeded in that fit of rage when he stopped in the road to blow by him in my car going across the yellow line at a high speed cursing him in my head being not here as me physically driving, which is not safe nor responsible behavior.

Within this point of missing the physical and considering all points that is here accepting rage as ego, I was not considering the fact that it could have been any number of reason why this man slowed down and stopped in the middle of the road, and was irrelevant to what I was doing anyway because I didn't have to be anywhere, I was driving home from work. Also, being spiteful and blaming him for my own judgments and ideas that I made up rather quickly as this event was maybe 15 seconds, that he was unprepared and did not consider all the people who he was going to disrupt when he slowed down in the road and stopped. I mean this is really fucked up by myself, the guy could have been having a heart attack for all I knew and all I considered in that moment was me being inconvenienced and blaming him for that going into a fit of rage because I was offended that he did not consider me behind him within his decision to stop. Being spiteful and allowing the reaction in anger I see was a point I took where I took this driver's action of slowing down personally, seeing myself as a victim in the circumstance then seeking revenge because I did not get validation of my specialness as a being and being disregarded as important enough to show that he was stopping by indicating his lights, having a value judgment on those who use lights on cars and those that do not.

So looking at these points of taking things personally, being a victim, getting offended, making value judgments without fact but purely on assumptions, allowing rage to direct me, and causing potential harm and danger to other drivers on the road or any number of scenarios that could occur thru me speeding in a fit of anger is vastly irresponsible and not what I would want for myself. I realized that only trying to fulfill my ego had brought me to the point of anger which I could have  potentially killed or seriously injured another being, which is totally unacceptable because there is always another way, and that way is what is best for all as life stopping all points of ego, I could slow down along with the other driver, see if he is cool or in need of help, and cruise around him when the coast is clear on the other side being here- self being stable, breathing, directing in common sense in consideration of all that is here as myself. I in theory am subject to be a murderer, if this rage stays unchecked, is a real possibility as rage as ego only causes harm and abuse.  

After the energy ran out in this instant of rage, anger, and irritation, where I saw exactly what I was participating in as I was participating in it, but as been discussed earlier I overrode it due to energy stimulation addiction and desire to be ego, after the fact, I went fuck Garbrielle Stop! I do not accept this any longer- abusing others, and I applied self forgiveness as well as later in writing to the points I saw as relevant. I will further apply self forgiveness on this as these points are layered within me, there are many points to consider within rage and anger and how I participated with this, I will post as I proceed. The self forgiveness application here is necessary to be applied so to see and understand why I go into this automated point of rage, irritation, and anger when I am driving and have some kind of out of the 'norm' interaction with another, in this case it would be a man stopping in the middle of the road. Proof here that when in emotions as ego I became possessed by my own self righteousness and become a danger to others as well as myself by accepting ego as real and living it in real time- crossing the divide potentially crashing into other cars.

But the change here is where I saw what I had done as dishonest irresponsible behavior and applied self forgiveness immediately with self corrective statements to thus change myself in that moment to see and realize that yes there is another way, a responsible way, a safe and equal way for all involved, and I can live this new way the next time this rage or anger occur, I can stop it and live here as equals in common sense living. Within using the tools of self honesty, self forgiveness, and corrective change, I have changed to a being that I can be proud of living amongst life and participating with what is here as life without ego or shame, this not completely integrated as myself yet as seen above, but thus far I have done what I have done and I am able to say that I do trust myself, I do see that I can change, and I do see that I can stop these addictions to anger, rage, and spitefulness among others. It took many many years to make these behaviors/ego addications automated within me, so obviously its going to take great effort and many breaths to see this fully stopped and living as stability within my world not moved by anything but my own self will.  I have not been able to say this in the past as this was not true for me, but now here this is an indication that these tools work and can change a being from someone who is solely in self interest to get her energy addictions while being abusive to others when I didn't get my way to someone who is progressing in changing to consider every point of my reality in equality with me to so create the best outcome for all here and thus create peace. I am grateful for these tools and I will continue to walk them here as myself as all as one as equal until the tools are no longer needed as we live this here as who we are in freedom as self expression.

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