2012 Self Forgiveness: I Lack

Self Forgiveness Lack

This is in response to an earlier post I did on the word Proud in terms of living it in competition as an ego and living it within a consideration of self one and equal with all within the betterment of all life. Here is a reference:

Re-Defining the Word PROUD to live for All Life

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see lack within myself based on believing that I am not worthy of the life that is me because I have done such screwed up stuff in my life and have had many dishonest moments.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe that based on what I did within and as my past as my past actions, words, and thoughts that I am damned to be inferior and lack the qualities and skills that I see and believe others have and that I do not deserve.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe that I do not have the qualities and skills of others I see as more then me based on my belief that I just am not able to live up to what others can do while all the while I am wasting my time living into this belief of lack as if a belief is real and who I am, when I realize and see that beliefs are not real as they come from the mind dimensions and thus are not based in reality, are not based in this physical world, and thus do not define who I am here. I have the ability to change me here within and as all that I will myself to do, the only being holding me back is me, thus I stop holding me back as I stop these beliefs as mind illusion and walk within and as reality in what makes sense within self honest introspection and self honest action.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe that I do not deserve life as this is not possible as I am life and thus I as a life being have the ability to change who I am and become the directive principle in my world in a breath and thus I push myself to be the living directive principle in who I am and what I do as I have the power within me to walk in what ever manner I will and within the considerations as who I am as life I walk in always the consideration of what would be best for all and thus I will always consider myself within this equation. I am all and the all is I, we are all one here and thus all equal in fact. I accept myself here fully and walk my process in self correction with no judgment but only application in self honesty to get this done to stop all suffering forever more.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe because of who and what i was in the past I do not deserve to live among life in a care free and equal way,  this is based on the belief that I am not as accelerated as others and thus I will fail when I realize that I am who I am and thus have abilities and skills I can use to better my life as well as better the life as humanity as a whole. Thus I realize it is not to be in competition with others in a quest to achieve or accelerate to be more then what I see others can do, but find what I enjoy and comes natural and thus become the best that I can be in whatever it is that I enjoy doing always within the consideration of myself as all life and thus creating the best world possible for all to live and enjoy in.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to compete with others in an attempt to satisfy this desire to be more then others because I have accepted myself in need of something as I believe that I am missing something, so thus I have gone into blame and jealousy towards others to compensate and thus release this self disappointment that I have not willed myself to live to my fullest potential and push myself to excel within my self living.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to compete with others around me in an attempt to exalt my own ego based on the lack I have accepted and allowed of myself. I realize and see that I in fact lack nothing within and as what I am capable of as the will of life, but only lack the self will to push and will it in to being. This I do not accept any longer and thus accept myself for who I am here within all that I have lived and live in a way that I push every day to walk self honest and through self forgiveness change myself to be a being I am proud of.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow blame and jealousy within and as myself because I do not want to push myself within living application to change to become a being that is self directed, but allow myself to wallow in self pity and self procrastination and thus take it out on others in deflection of facing myself within these dishonesties.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting blame towards any point separate from myself in an attempt to not have to face myself and thus abuse life because I am accepting jealousy and blame to exist within me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting jealousy and  blame within and as me towards any being in my world within an attempt to bring someone else down and make me more based on my acceptance and allowance of myself as my ego to be the best and thus accept and allow the abuse of life within my own self interested desire to be special and to be seen by others as more then the life around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting jealousy to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting blame to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use procrastination and laziness to exist within my world so I do not have to push myself and fully apply myself within my application of change because I want easement and comfort within this idea that I am doing too much, but within this using this as an excuse to not have to fully push myself because I want to not have to work hard and put in the effort which can be strenuous and difficult at times.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to give in to the mind as ego as resistance and thus give in to the enslavement of me as a being who needs to be controlled and used because I do not want to walk as life one and equal with what is here as physical and thus I will not stand equal. So I realize and see the correction here to push myself through resistances always, and use my self honest assessment to not push myself too much meaning not go over board, but apply myself and do the best I can do each and every moment using self forgiveness and self correction to get me here where life is.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be jealous and desire to be special with myself here as all life and thus seek self gratification in self interest while I allow abuse of other life forms which I realized i do not want for myself, so thus I realize and see that each and every time a thought come up I let it go of jealousy or blame or wanting to be more I stop it and release it through breathing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to blame life in an attempt to make myself self feel better in self dishonesty because I do not want to push myself and walk the walk to become equal with all that is here. Blame of life is unacceptable as it is just a lack of self will and an easy way out to not have to face self and walk the correction which is physical change which require dedication and perseverance as mind is 'easy' and life equal and one has never been walked so thus I realize it will be a walk as a process and I must always continue to stay disciplined and self honest to see it through.

When and as I go into a point of self lack and see myself less then others I stop all these thoughts immediately through breathing, assess the situation and if it becomes overwhelming and I feel like I will react simple walk away, but if after application I feel stable I continue to live and let go of all points of separation and focus on what is best for all and push myself each and every time to live this out and do the best I can do. Seeing myself equal as we all are here and we all are life, so thus walk from a starting point of equality and I accept nothing less then this among myself and the life that is here as me until it is fulfilled and we walk here as one for real in physical reality.

When and as I go into a point of blame and jealousy I stop and breath, and release this build up of accumulated thoughts through self forgiveness in my head or make note to do later in the evening if it is not able to be done in the moment. I stop all thoughts of this point of jealousy and blame as I release myself from my ego as if I am more then others as I realize and walk the acceptances of all as myself and do not define any thing or any one other then within the starting point of oneness and equality and push myself to breath within these intense peak points of wanting to react and go into self abuse as blame and jealousy, stop, let go, and leave if necessary or continue living in a way that is best for all within the situation. Also I can express myself within communicating myself in what it is that I am having an issue with so thus it is out there with the other so the issue can be resolved within mutual consideration and input with a respect and honor of the other as how I would want to be treated for myself. Honoring the life that is here among all always is the focal point, ego, jealousy, blame are not real but only an attempt to make me more and better which will always end in diminishment of myself which does not make sense because I stand for what is best for all which will always be what is best for me.

When and as I go into a point of procrastination and laziness as a resistance to push myself and face myself within my process of birthing myself as life, I push myself to walk what ever is the resistance and fulfill it within the best manner I can. I do not accept myself to indulge in points of compromise through desiring a certain experience or outcome, but walk the walk in whatever it takes til I am here as life one and equal and the world is a place I would like to live and have children grow up in, nothing is worth anything if this is not here and living within myself as this world, and so thus I push myself with all my will to apply myself each and every day as best I can so thus I can live as a being who is proud and thus in the know that I will bring forth a world that is in deed best for every living being that exist as I would want for myself, and this is how it should be. I am self disciplined, I am self motivated, I am self directed, and I need nothing but myself to get this done. I know what is needed to be walked and thus I walk it into life here as myself.


lack, self forgiveness, procrastination, lazy, competition, proud, living words life self interest competing blame jealousy, self honesty equal money eqafe desteni destonian wiki, 2012,

2012 Self Forgiveness: I Lack

2012 Re-Defining the Word PROUD to live for All LIfe

Growing up within myself I used the feeling of being proud within a point of compensation for the lack that I felt within myself. To be proud within the system is to become joyful within ones own individual accomplishments or that there of someone close to you that you love or are endeared by such as a child or a best friend. This feeling of proud brings one into a state of euphoria for a moment as we have accomplished something within the feat of what we thought we could not do or that we could not come up with.

Here I will be speaking of the word proud within the context of being proud of myself, so a proudness within oneself. This I can relate to because as a kid I was very proud, but within this proud feeling I would define myself by this, such as an achievement. This was done in a point of self interest as I was always within competition of others around me, one of my favorite things to do was athletics, so I was geared and trained within winning and competing with others, and this is what I did best. When I achieved a success within sports such as dribbling the soccer ball in between two players and passed it to the man in front to score the winning goal, this made me proud. I had succeeded in the winning of the game, and I help create the score of the final point to beat the other team. This caused great praise from all the teammates and the parents alike. So not only was I proud because I beat the other team, but I was also proud with myself because I generated some good feelings within praise and accolades within the members of the team, which boosted my ego and told me ok, I am good here, I am making it here.

Now within this feeling of being proud in this current system, it is based on the ego and the exaltation of the being as the ego within competition and self superiority. The competition we see everywhere, such as what we see within marketing, within entertainment, within religions, within education, I mean competition is what drives our society and our system for that matter, the survival of the fittest. We have to survive thus we have to compete.

Another point is that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to see lack within ourselves, this I am walking within myself as well, I have created this feeling of proudness to thus compensate for the lack I feel that I am not worthy. Thus it becomes a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs of trying to gain this feeling of proudness within myself based on gaining some kind of victory through beating others or creating something that others like, so I can have proof by the outer world that I am cool and I matter because people like me and I have proven by winning that I am better then others thus I gained value within the system. Winning and gaining others approvals currently makes life equaling humanity feel proud to be alive and relieved as they will not be the one who gets fucked by the system, those being the losers.

Being proud within this current system and the current living of it, is within the fear of survival and separation of ourselves into an ego that have to have energy to sustain itself and live, this not enjoyable for anyone if they speak within self honesty. The nice feelings this feeling of proudness generate is only a point of self definition of worthiness thus within the next breath the feeling of depression will be feed as the opposite will always manifest as they feed off each-other as a means of survival, these feelings can not be sustained by themselves so will always require more energy to generate that proud feeling and get away from the negative feeling as depression one has accepted as who they are. This is where the drive to succeed and thus survive another day in the system is sustained and this proudness feeling is but another way to feed ones ego and become more then other beings in this world to really continue surviving. The success will come always with survival as it is a dog eat dog world and to win one must compete, so we have created a false sense of proudness of ourselves within a very limited expression of survival and fear of lose.

Now to re-define the word Proud into a living word best for all, I would start by changing my focus of who I include in living proud, this through allowing all to enjoy or benefit from what every it is I created or did. Seeing life within equality and oneness will then take away any points of need for feeling worthy within myself or fear of not surviving because all that is here is me and thus when this is lived by all life, fear of survival and thus a need to be better within self will cease to exist and being proud will stop being from a point of self interest to feed a feeling created through energy generation.

So within living this way of inclusion of all life and having a sense of pride within oneself would be a release of all points of ego as competition and living from a wholeness of being of acceptance of all here and thus acceptance of myself as life within all that I do. Living within principles of self honesty and self correction always to create the best being I can be so what I create is void of ego and only from the expression of and as myself within the joy of who I am as life. From here what I create or live within my expression is done within the wholeness of the understanding that I will be benefiting all who will come into contact with what ever I do or create and thus I can be proud that I did my best within the consideration of all the life that is here. Thus I have created a universal benefit for all the life within the world I live and this is a living of the word being proud. Being proud of self as self has supported and assisted to the benefit of all life, and thus one can be proud that you have created easement and satisfaction for others as you would like for yourself.



lack, self forgiveness, procrastination, lazy, competition, proud, living words life self interest competing blame jealousy, self honesty equal money eqafe desteni destonian wiki, 2012,

2012 Re-Defining the Word PROUD to live for All LIfe

All We Care About is Ourselves- Self Forgiveness on Self Interest

Self Interest

So I was just watching Kristina Salas Vlog, 2012- Get Over Yourself...Stand Equal about this very point, where we as beings, as individual beings make OUR tinny, tiny worlds the center of the universe, like there is nothing going on in this world, but what we think of ourselves, what others think of us, how we are being treated, and who is noticing us and many more points, but all this is just our egos while billions on the planet suffer needlessly and cruelly within the real living physical reality that we actually live in. Our egos being centered and generated within the mind through the energy that we are continually participating in over and over again with every thought we think about all the bs that goes on within our minds. And essentially we get distracted with ourselves as our minds as our egos until death, we're then at death and beyond it's too late as we cease to exist as life resides in this physical reality as we can see all around us.

We essetially waste the oppurintiy to birth ourselves for real and thus have to face the consequences of this at death. (Within desteni they have a series of beings sharing there Life Review after they have died, and what they realized within there life's that they missed and essentially gave up within clinging to the mind and all that can be conjured up by ourselves within the egos as the mind, heres an example Life Review - A Drug-Addict as Mind-Prophett.) Thanks for Kristina for bringing this up because it is so true, we are totally consumed with ourselves as our mind and as the ego. The only way to stop this ego and this take over of the mind as who we have become, is stopping ourselves, taking responsibility for what we have created as our mind- thoughts, words, deeds, and changing ourselves in real time to be beings that support all life. It's all here, we just have to walk it into being, this to walk as life for real one and equal with all the other life that lives here with us.

To give some perspective of what I am referring to here as being ;consumed within the mind', here is something that happened today, I was running my dog through the woods, and I noticed that I had been in my head for about three or four songs into my run, thinking about henri biting someone, thinking about what my next fear week video is going to be about, thinking about that I had to go the bathroom, thinking about that I forgot to where a sports bra but cool I can still run in a bra and how it was actually becoming uncomfortable as I thought about it, thinking about having to work later, thinking about how annoying my ipod is when it stops abruptly riding against my skin, thinking about being hungry and what I was going to eat for dinner, thinking about what these people where thinking about me, do they think i am cute, do they think that I am looking nice running, do they think henri is the best dog because hes my dog and obviously he is.......so you get the idea of what I mean when I say that we consume our heads with thought after thought after thought about bullshit stuff, a constant stream it is like and I am sure every human can relate to this. But it matters neither here nor there about these thoughts being thunk because they are going to make shit difference in terms of physical action/movement and what we have to do to get ourselves actually moving within this reality. All that is needed is to run through the woods, no thought participation is necessary. We don't have think to run we just run, we dont think to pee we just pee, we dont think to eat we chew the food and swallow, we dont think to walk down the street we just do it, we are it as we move, when we think we get fucking lost within ourselves and life just becomes that much more complicated.

So at about mid way within my run I realized that I hadn't been here within this whole time of running, but fucking around in my head, so then I stabilized myself with a few breaths and started feeling my steps one after the other, looking within the path and stepping and enjoying each step as I felt the earth beneath my feet, also enjoying henri as he trotted right next to me, and how he played and rumped around with the other dogs on the trail as they passed by greeting each other with no judgment and moving on. Also, I was aware of the sweat that was starting to build up feeling it fall down my back and my legs as my physical body pushed through the air and propelled me through the air as I ran along the path through the trees. There I could see the different sticks and rocks that I passed there were big ones and little some in the ground, there was big stick in the way that i moved over in case someone didn't see it avoiding a fall, and the little midges flying around me as I ran along enjoying themselves in the newly spring like air. Life is going on here, I can live with or miss it, its my responsibility to walk who I am.

I realized within the desteni process I have been walking is that I am for real missing the life around me, the real true life that is living around me and missing the opportunity to grow and expand within understanding of myself as this life around me and all that is here in unconditional support as I would like to be for others. So it's a stopping simply of this chatter of useless thoughts about my self and letting go of this point of trying to to be something I simply am not or having to be noticed, letting go of the ego, and enjoying self here, simply as a life being living breath by breath.

Self interest within Being in my head Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be consumed within my mind as thoughts within my own consideration only of how I can be exalted and seen as special within my world and within the people in my world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to only care about my own self interest and that I will be seen within my world as special and that people notice me and see me as better and great then other beings, so I can gain energy to feed my ego and make myself feel ok.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be defined by my ego and allow my ego to direct who I am within this life in comparison, competition judgement, and self obsession with and as others in my world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to continually participate in thoughts that I am better or less then any being within this world and I forgive myself for allowing and accepting separation within all the life that is here with and as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to continue to participate in thoughts of competition towards the life around me as if I am subject to the ego and what I perceive as winning over another being realizing that I am only diminishing myself and separating myself further from birthing myself into who I am as life in equality with all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist witihin self judgment and continually put myself down and within this diminish the life as me to thus continue participating in my ego as competition and become the winner of what? there is nothing really that is being won, but the mind within gaining energy from me as a slave to the ego.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to diminish myself within this desire to become more then others in my world to thus gain a false sense of accomplishment and achievement because I won a system prize as coming out on top, but within myself always in the next point of attainment because this specialness did not last, it was gone as soon as it came, so thus I am in a constant battle with time to become more as I am always seeing myself within this cycle as an up and down energy gain and loss battle to be on top.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within this idea that I have to win and achieve victory to become more then others and thus see myself less then others when I don't live up to my own ideas of victory and self achievement.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to within self interest try and achieve over others to get a rush of energy to show that I beat you, I won and you lost, so I can exist within a moment of time as seeing myself great, but this again is subject to energy as thoughts, ideas, and perceptions of other being less then me and thus it is always going to end and I am always going to be here diminished as when you go up you must come down and I realize I am only competing against myself which makes no sense anyways.

I forgive myself for alloiwng and accepting to miss myself here in physical breath in oneness and equality to all that is here just like me and one with me, and that I do not need to compete or achieve victory as this is unnecessary as we can all live together and co-habituate within the principles of common sense and practicality in what would be best for all life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting thoughts and ideas that I must be better, I must have the best of what is here, and I must be seen by others as better to be liked within this world and to believe that others like me when really this is my own ego trying to keep itself alive and using what is here as life in unconditional support in an abusive and self deprecating way.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to give up myself as life for an idea within my mind that I need to be more then what is here as me as a physical breathing being thus missing the opportunity to fully be alive and express myself fully here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to accept my ego fully based on fear of losing myself and giving up this perceived security I have of my life and my world when really this world is dying and I as life must stop and change to become one and equal to thus stop the self abuse as the ego is driven within a polarity cycle of constant participation which cause life to be lessened through the participation of it's own diminishment through separation which is me as the mind in separation.


When and as this point of self interest comes up where my ego wants to participate in energy as cycles of win/loss or better/less I stop and breath, gain my stability within this physical world, and focus on the movements of my body. I stop all thoughts, ideas, feelings and emotions of competition or comparison or judgment with the life around me, and push to stand equal with all that is here as i realize and see that what is here is myself. So I let go of these thoughts, letting them release thru breathing and self forgiveness/self honesty, and thus start to stand equal with me as breath and me as what is here simple living moment to  moment and taking responsibility to change the world in the best possible way starting with my self.

So instead of benig in the mind missing what is going on in life, lets live our words and see that life is here as me and I can be life equal and one to the enjoyment of just being here alive breathing, really is there anything more that we need?

All We Care About is Ourselves- Self Forgiveness on Self Interest

2011 "I want to be perfect" Self Forgiveness

Okay, so - walk the line of self forgiveness - of how the teasing made you think and feel about yourself

                                          Picture By: Ann ven den Broeck                                          

The teasing within myself  made me feel like an alien, like I had something wrong with me and that i was flawed or damaged. This brought a great depression due to the fact that I did not want to be seen as damaged or flawed by others. I did not want to be alone within my world and this specific teasing made me feel like i was alone and this i feared. I feared this because i felt i needed others to show me how to live, become normal, and to be accepted. I used others as a reference point to find out who I am because i didn’t like the way I was within myself = self judgment and I felt  inferior due to others pointing this out with words as a ‘diss’ like ‘retard’. This causing me to be low because I judge these words as bad.

feeling like an alien, there was something wrong with me, I am flawed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself as an alien and judging this alien reality I was seeing myself within as extremely depressing and believing that there was nothing I could do to get out of it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe that there is nothing I can do to get out of these feelings instead of realizing that I define who I am and can direct myself to be equal and to be physical stopping the feelings. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be depressed for being publicly called out within school as a alien type person who stood out in a bad way based on the stereotypes of the words used that were said to me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to thus go into a depression within myself as suppression and completely shut down in front of others I see within this point as my ‘abusers’ that where male.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define life based on pictures and believe/perceive life as better or worse based on what the picture looked like living out this inferior/superior cycle within and as my world as the pictures i saw and defining myself based on the point within the cycle I found myself either being outgoing if was acceptable by myself or suppressive if I saw my self as less then others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge any being in this world based on their picture presentation and have any point of judgement based on the physical capabilities of other beings creating a separation with the expression of life thus continually creating a self judgement of myself in relation too the life I am living as and within never allowing peace and calm within me because there is a constant conflict and struggle within my mind of if I will be ok or not due to the pictures always changing and there always being in influx of good/bad ugly/beautiful play-out over and over continually as i go thru life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting when I was younger to live within the superiority definition of who I was seeing and believing that I was better then those within myself because i was better equipped/capable/picture presentation in the idea of myself as I held in my mind eye then creating a separation in my starting point within meeting others seeing them as superiority/inferior cycle and judging life immediately based on these ideas I held on to.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to seek ot situation where I would be superior so thus I could shine and gain attention from others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to gain attention from others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not see or realize that I was only causing self conflict within myself and physical/mental/verbal abuse within my world as I lived out this superior power game with the other beings in my world becoming like a demon in some case picking on others and abusing others because I saw them as less then me and that I had the ability due to my feeling that I am indeed better based on the outer definitions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abuse life in this way seeking out to be the best and thus becoming anger and vengeful if I do not fulfill this point of perfection I am looking to fulfill collaterally causing damage and abuse into my world. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use my anger and rage due to the way I felt about myself within myself of constant self judgment and self sabotage because i was playing this game of love hate based on the pictures I saw missing the reality of the living being within the picture and missing myself as the other where I hurt or abused due to trying to puff my own self because within myself I felt less then others and use those i saw as ‘weak’ as points to see me as strong and be a bully to gain this energy as superior in my world and gain attention.

I  forgive myself for allowing and accepting to become the living manifestation of this weak/strong bully/bullied play-out throughout my life and within myself based on this inner conflict I am having of this acceptance of the ultimate picture of perfection that I am holding onto to thus use as a reference point to define myself and my world from because I fear being vulnerable and being alone within and as my world so thus I go the safe route by using others to define and live out who I am thru pictures in my head as a point of reference to compare in my world and see where I stand.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to become the living manifestation of this weak/strong point within myself that I have accumulated thru timed events within my world that I have accepted and allowed to direct me to divide and try and conquer my world as my ‘flaws’ within myself by projecting onto others and try and gain self satisfaction by the diminishment of others by making them as weak, so I can have a point of comparison to see me and thus externally manifest abuse thru diminishing others within words/deeds so thus I can feel stronger within myself as I see then that this other person is weak based on the definitions I have defined as weak in my head and that I am strong because I don’t have these particular ‘weak’ definitions I am holding onto as the polarity play out continues.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to self sabotage myself by holding onto this point of pictures as who I am, living within this polarity play-out of strong/weak within my world as I do within myself living out a constant never ending cycle of self limitation by judging myself and my world based on an idea in my head of a perfect picture that I am trying to live up to but never being able to because it is not real nor tangible and always activated based on the differences of expression within my world and the obviousness of extremes that can exist and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not live as one and equal with all life as I see and realize is me here but define myself and separate myself by these pictures in an attempt to validate myself as my ego personality so I can see myself as strong and acceptable because I don’t accept myself here as who I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define myself by this perfect picture within my head as thoughts, ideas, and beliefs of some are better due to the way they look or act and speak and define those as less then based on the way the look, act, or speak and thus dividing and separating myself continually from myself to live as my mind as who I believe myself to be all the while cause abuse within my world as anger, competition, jealousy, and physical pain and abuse as d separation expression and self diminishment throughout time as I have defined myself so much by my outer world never seeing myself for who I am as a being that live and breath as life as all do just like me but within separation that cause conflict.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to harm life based on being jealous and blaming others for this feeling within me of lack and thus go into anger and abuse towards this being who triggered the jealousy because i am not accepting me here and defining myself based on what I apparently see I lack and that others have. 

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abuse life based on this idea and belief that I lack something and that I am flawed and thus that I am permanently damaged and can never be normal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting this desire to be normal as the societal norm because I fear humiliation and embarrassment within myself and will compromise myself by living as a system robot as a copy of others based on the fear I am allowing to direct me to not feel these feelings. 

I realize and see all points of life here in all its forms and varieties is indeed me, living, expressing, and breathing as the life that resides and is gifted to us all, I live this oneness, I live this equality, I live this embracement, and I breath this as myself stopping all points of separation thru accumulated self trusted movement til I am here as life as the physical as breath as me.

Watch my vlog, "I want to be Perfect" is a Mind F*ck", where I walk thru my physical process of letting go of this mind f*ck of trying  be 'perfect' only for others and my ego for greater support.

Check out the Eqafe for more products that support life and your process with becoming real here and out of your mind, where also you can buy and sell products for yourself to make extra income.

2011 "I want to be perfect" Self Forgiveness

2011 Sister Self Forgiveness

Today I had allot of anger towards my sister cause she implicitly imposes her will over my parents house because she has ocd and like things her way. She walks in the kitchen, and she has a pizza, I was hungry cause I just got home from work, so I was like cool, and grab a piece, and then I went for round 2 and she stops me saying that I can not eat another piece, I right then go into reaction of anger, like 'how dare she stop me from eating a piece of pizza' feeling entitled and like offended, then I go into the thoughts and past memories like a cache of artillery to rev up the energy of anger and allow myself to work up to explode on her. Thankfully I do not allow myself to explode any longer, but still allow the anger to influence me and talk spiteful back at her, raising my voice, and talking in a degrading way. Like trying to beat her down, but thru my mannerism and words, I am not physically abusive any longer.

This point of anger and spitefulness towards my sister has been going on for quite sometime as I have many memories of us, and her 'annoying' me. Even writing this theres a point within me that wants to blame her because in the physical she is doing these things to me, fucking around with me, but in essence this is me, I am creating this in my world, and all in my world is a reflection of me. I am showing myself to myself in where I am still holding on to separations and where I am justifying my demonic nature. So really my sister is a gift to show me who I am here, that I am existing within this abusive spiteful nature and maintaining this throughout my days by continuing to participate in theses thoughts and memories towards her and my world in general. I am not accepting this within myself any longer, that is why I am walking my process and stopping the mind, I am not the mind as thoughts and feelings and reactions, but I am that which is here as self directed, able to create at will in the best manner for all because I realize all that is here is me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to react to the presence of my sister in irritation and superiority.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to blame my sister for the way I am accepting and allowing to exist within myself and stopping the reactions from directing me to stand stable and direct in common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see my sister as inferior to me realizing that I am seeing myself in a way where I am trying to compare to be seen in a 'higher' light then another to make myself feel more worthy and justified in the position I will take.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to go into comparison when I see my sister based on me desiring to win the argument or conflict I am having so I can be on top, the winner, and feel accomplished within my mind that I am better then my sister, I am more savvy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to be a winner, more savvy, more accomplished towards my sister because I hold myself within an expectation to be a winner because I see myself as having to prove myself within the people I am around.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to cause abuse to another to justify my own acceptance of myself in a point of self interest to make myself feel better.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow anger and rage to direct me towards my sister when I was not allowed to have another piece of pizza realizing that in that moment it wasn't about the pizza but trying to prove my point = ego.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to fulfill my ego and become special in the eyes of myself, this world, and people in my world so I can be seen as better, a winner, and worthy above others believing that this life is a competition and I have to be on top to succeed.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to succeed in this life no matter what the cost is to my fellow man.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to feel offended when I wasn't allowed to get a piece of pizza taking it personal ike she doesn't like me and think that I am special.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel offended and not accepted when I do not get the feedback in my world that I wish to get.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to have an expectation in this life realizing and understanding that having expectations is actually limiting the expression as me as a life being equal and one to the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to react in spitefulness and anger when I took offense to not getting pizza and going into abuse to justify the 'hurt' that I experienced.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to cause abuse because I believe I was abused.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting that the outer can influence and abuse the inner me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define myself by how others perceive me accepting myself based on the feedback I am getting and the ideas and beliefs that I perceive the way I should be treated and get offended when I am not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not accept myself as who I am here, and change self without judgement and shame in common sense, accepting myself as who I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist in the past and create a point of energy generation thru the thoughts I hold onto of my sister doing 'annoying' things to me in the past.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto the thoughts of her moving my stuff all over the place and not just keep it in the place i put it because she thinks its messy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto the thoughts of all the times i have babysat for her and helped when she needed it and holding that against her based on me perceiving that I haven't got the same back when I do realize and understand what I give, I receive.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist in the past and allowing past memories to direct me within and as my world and what comes up.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting thoughts of judgement and memories to direct me, not directing myself here in stopping expectations and desires to get what i want.

I stop participating in this reaction of anger.

I stop defining myself by my outside world and participating in judgements in separation.

I stop expectations of what should be so and I stop taking all things personal towards who I realize I am as all as myself.

I stop separating myself from my world as my sister and face what has to be face and direct it in the best outcome possible for all.

I stop the anger and rage thru breath towards my sister walking away if it becomes too much until I cool down and become stable again.

I stop participating in the thoughts of memories from the past, and I stop holding my sister hostage within the past.

I stop separating myself from my world, and when this comes up again I breath adjust any reactions to be released and let go of, stopping all thoughts and memories of the past, and see myself within the shoes of the other and direct myself the way I would want to be treated. I stop the ego as personality and live here as principles of oneness and equality in self honesty and self forgiveness until I am here as one and equal to all life.

2011 Sister Self Forgiveness

2011 Self Forgiveness on some points with me

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself as less then others based on the way I speak.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself as less then based on the way I carry myself.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself as less then based on my body posture.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself as less then based on the way I look in videos.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself as less then based on the way I speak in videos.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge speech and pictures within polarities based on me not accepting myself and having expectations on how life should be here.

I frogive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself as less then because I project onto others as seeing me as less then by the way I am and present myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself as less then based on who I am around.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting judgement of others around me as causing me to be in a certain state as a form of blame.

I frogive myself for allowing and accepting to define and thus hold life in a box that limits and degrades me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to limit and degrade me by holding self in a box thru definitions.

I frogive myself for allowing and accepting to define life here, to define self here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within depression due to holding on to these definitions of what life should be and not living up to what I desried to be.

I forgive myself for allowing anda ccepting to desire to be beautiful.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to be normal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to be strong in confidence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to be secure and safe.

I frogive myself for allowing and accepting to see being safe and secure by others helping me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire others to help me.

I forgive myself for allowing fear  to direct me.

I forgive myself for allowing judgement of life to direct me.

I stop fear and judgment of life here. I am one with all, I am all life. I realize I am only judging and condeming myself. I am only fearing who I am.

I take responsibility for who I am and stop these emotions from directing me.

I stop desires to direct me, I realize that this is a point of escape and I must face who I am and stand up to live this as myself.

I stop existing in polarities I realize all that is here as who I am life, and I am not seperate from this. I embrace this as myself and walk in humbleness. I stop all limitation.

http://www.desetni.co.za

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2011 Self Forgiveness on some points with me

2011 Self Forgiveness on a thought I had about my hair

Thought- Others are judging me due to my hair being short and looking manly.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define myself by the thought ‘people are judging me and seeing me as manly because of my short hair.’
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to connect the emotion of fear as inFearority to the thought ‘people are judging me and seeing me as manly because of my short hair.’
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create a negative reaction of inferiority to the thought ‘people are judging me and seeing me as manly because I have short hair.’
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself as less then based on me having short hair.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself as manly for having short hair.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge the word manly due to me not accept myself as manly and or masculine.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge other females who have short hair as manly.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see being manly as less then being feminine as a female.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to have fear direct me in moments where I perceive that others are judging me due to me hair being short.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge females in comparison to me as more superior because they are more feminine looking with long hair and me less then because I have short hair.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define life based on the picture presentation of the person.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge life based on the picture that is here as I realize pictures are not real and do not define us.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to project my own insecurities of the thought that ‘others are judging me because of my short hair’ to those around me during my day where I have judged a facial expression or gesture they made towards me as negative.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge other’s expressions as negative due to my own projections of inFeariority.
I forgive myself for allowing the thought ‘people are judging me based on my short hair' to direct me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting blame on others based on me not taking responsibility for myself and stopping emotions directing me.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting blame on others for the way I am feeling as inferior.
I forgive myself for allowing and accepting inferiority/superiority to continue to direct me here.

I stop being directed by my hair.

I stop judging hair and it's look in any given moment.

I stop seeing myself as inferior to others based on the way my picture looks.

I stop judging pictures and being defining self by this. 

I stop inferiority.

I stop comparison.

I stand and realize I am here as all as one as equal to all living beings in this universe.

I am equal and one to life as me I breath, I walk, I am here.

2011 Self Forgiveness on a thought I had about my hair

2011 A 'Negative' Comment and My 'Sadness'

hi, what i am looking at today is feeling bad and offended when someone says something or does something that I have taken personally. On one of my youtube videos, I just read a comment that a guy says that I look like a guy. This caused a reaction within my solar plexus/stomach area of a tightness and twisting, so I can tell that I am not here, but creating energy within. This energy was generated due to the participation that accepted by taking things personally. This happens a lot, where I will immediately go into a suppression of myself when someone has insulted me personally. I can see the pattern and where the starting point is coming from and it is starting from a thought and a living acceptance that i am less then. This is one of my main programming patterns, where I am seeing myself inferior based on my life experiences, and defining myself based on these happenings.

This also accepting the past and carrying it with me like an old heavy bag, where every once and a while I will pull out a held on feeling or judgement and allow that to influence me for minutes, hours, and even days sometimes. This is based on me just not seeing myself for who I am, and not existing within the breath here as life in living but separating due to my belief in lack and need.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to react in sadness due to a comment I read on youtube of someone supposedly 'making fun of me'.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see myself here as inferior to other being.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe I am less then any being due to my judgements of myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe I lack something.

I forgive msyelf for allowign and accepting to believe I need something.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow belief and ideas to direct me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to thus see myself within and as this judgment of looking like a man with hurt and shame.

I frogive myself for allowing and accepting to judge looking like a man.

I frogive myself for allowing nad accepting to be hurt because I desire to be accepted by others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepitng to desire to be accepted by others because I dont accept myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to base myself on the past and not be here in breath.

I frogive myself for allowing and accepting to see myself within and as the limitatins of the mind thru pictures and miss me here as all as one as equal.

I frogive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself and define myself by pictures.

I frogive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to get revenge for the other making me feel bad.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abdict my responsibility for what I have accepted onto another as blame.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within and as blame.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to feel sadness within and as me due to me not accepting myself here.

I stop all sadness as emotion.

I frogive myself for allowing and accepting abdicting myself to the other not facing who I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within and as revenge.

I stop all judgment of who I am.

I stop all definitions of who I am as pictures and live here as all beings being 'me' equally.

I stop all blame onto another.

I stop all partipation in reactions.

I accept myself here and live as who I am stable and sure.

2011 A 'Negative' Comment and My 'Sadness'

2011 SF on Anger, Embarressment and abuse to Henri from earlier post

In a blog that I have done more recently I touched on the point of me existing within and as embarrassment as a reaction which causes anger to be generated and it's just a mess within myself and causes abuse to others around me, Henri was the being who I abused in this recent post by grabbing his mouth or face and making him yelp out of anger.


Sf on embarrassment, anger, and hurting henri


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react within embarrassment when henri pulled me across the vet parking lot and others where looking at me.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting in my mind eye to make the scene out of proportion to what was really happening in the parking lot and thus overreacting within and as my mind causing the energy as anger to build up.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow my own self judgments to be projected on to the outside reality and thus go into a reaction based on my own thoughts and beliefs but deny this and blame henri for those who where apparently staring at us in my 'mind' eye.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be influenced as embarrassment if I think or perceive others are looking, thinking, and possibly talking about me in a negative way.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see being talked about, thought about, and or looked at in a negative way as a failure and that I am abnormal.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting outside influences to direct me.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my projections on what the outside influence are about direct me.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear being looked at as abnormal.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear people talking about me in a negative way.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not unconditionally accept myself.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting embarrassment to have power over me and see me as less then those who I perceive has caused the embarrassment within me.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not accept who I am here and take responsibility and thus blame others for who i am experiencing myself.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting polarity play outs of inferior/superior and positive/negative to exist and direct me here.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting anger to direct me in heated moments and thus I forgive for allowing and accepting to take my anger release out on henri and cause abusive consequence.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self abuse within others as myself because I allow myself to be out of control with my emotions.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my emotions to direct me and lash out on others.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss the breath in these moments of intense energy movement and thus go into the mind and cause abuse to life.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not take in all that was happening and consider Henri's perspective and experience, but go into energy reaction and cause harm to him.


I stop all anger, embarrassment, and abuse within and as my world as I realize I am only causing harm and difficulty for myself.


I stop any and all abuse onto others in a physical manner or any manner as it is not necessary and unacceptable as I am here as one and equal to my world, so I stop self abuse.


I control who I am thru breath and walk in stability as one an equal to life as me.


I am here and stand up from the emotions and feelings of the mind and stop this as I am here as breath walking as one and equal to self.

2011 SF on Anger, Embarressment and abuse to Henri from earlier post