2011 Falling for a Savior Every-time, but No More say I

I was in the car with my mom today, and we where talking about the world and what is going on, the poor, the inequality, and abuse. We got to a point where we started to disagree on the solution, and she was saying how desteni is not a solution, ect., and eventually I said to her pertaining to her involvement with me and being in desteni, that I do not need her to save me. That's how she looks at it as if I need to be saved by her based on me being her child, and that I can't see what I am doing. Within this point, it was interesting because throughout my life, I have always looked towards something or someone to come and save me, and now here it hit me, I am getting exactly what I asked for. My mom has been a point of difficulty based on her adamant stand that she disagrees with desteni and me in it within her reasoning that she has to save her child from this 'cult', but this I have to walk thru and continue to stay stable and state who I am no matter what is here. I am walking what desteni stand for, and that simply is to change self to be a part of the creation of a world best for all by living it in my world equal and one, self have to live this to in fact be it and manifest it in our worlds as well as the world at large. So within this point of desiring a savior, for a long time, I was trying to avoid having to really buckle down and take responsibility for myself.

In my past, I have manifested this savior point with many, my family, my friends, technology, eventually manifesting on a metaphysical level as a spiritual guide (which turned out to be a self created mind possession) and now my mother as a physical manifested savior trying to save me from desteni. Now this is interesting because throughout my life I have abdicated myself to others and throughout never actually realizing and seeing what I was doing. Giving my power away to be enslaved to another within this constant point of I need saving, I am not good enough, I am not worthy, I need someone or something to show me the way, a point of self sabotage that continues to come up and show itself in my world. So here again with my mom, I now have realized and see this point of self sabotage and self pity that comes with these separations of desiring to be saved, where I now have been walking some time in taking responsibility for myself, and I have stop it here, no more participating in others saving me, but me walking here as the solution. Not relying on others or any form of god outside myself to manifest anything in my world, but realizing that I am the creator who is creating my own reality and need to walk the walk to manifest what I see as a true path to safety, peace, and thru my own words, my own steps, and by my own hands create a world I would want to live in and raise children in. It literally starts with ourselves here breath by breath, slowly building trust in self as we walk in truth and forgiveness to live anew.

This same savior mentality is what is manifesting the 'god' concept where we as humans believe in a higher power who watches over us and 'saves' us in times of troubles. This being like a casino game though as there is no certainty as we know in any given minute our lives could turn upside down. This uncertainty and instability in this world is based on the lack of self will and self developement on an indiviual level as well as a systematic level to create stability and easement for all. This not being consdier because all are in self interest and survival trying to make it as well as continuing on this naive quest that there is a savior out there coming to save our assess, all the while we are doing nothing to save our own asses. The only way our lives and world is going to get easier concretely for real is if we do it ourselves, by considering everything and everybody that is here and creating a system that supports all within it in transparency and truth. Each one has to walk this because this is a self responsibility that no more you will abuse or have desires of seperation, but you will in fact take responsibility for what is here, and be trusted to love your neighbor as yourself, no more saviors, no more slaves, just life here as you in equality and supporting what is best for all as you would want to live. This is the walk destonians are on, do you have what it takes, only way of finding out is to investigate it and start walking it yourself.

I have realized that this desire to be saved is my own point of trying to escape the work that has to be done with myself to be in fact able to be trusted, but I have realized there is nothing else that matters until life becomes equal for all. It has taken many steps and pushing of my self will to get me to a point where I am today, where I can trust that I can make chooses and create outcomes that benefit all and leaves no point of self slavery by relying on outside forces to help and save me from what I have created. It's a process of accumulated action to prove you can be trusted and take responsibility for who you are and how you live here to be one that is worthwhile. We as humanity have to start as well walking this point of self realization, we as a collective are creating the conditions here and we as a collective are going to have to solve this by our own wills, our own effort, and our own hands. Each can start within there own worlds by taking responsibility, and start changing self to live in the best outcome for all by becoming a trustworthy being.

So humanity, our we ready to face the music, using the savior card is just prolonging of the inevitable, and within this the consequences are drastic, it's coming to critical point, where we will live or parish, this at the hands our own self realization into a world of joy and unity or stupidity in ignorance to our self pity and separation we have grown into like a cancer. As always, we decide, each one and all as a whole. Equal money system is here to be walked for all who see the way as self responsibility and unity within life, and is being walked by many in the desteni community. Join us and investigate the new money system, here is a book to help you get started.

Equal Money - Future of Money Volume 1

Also, check out the Desteni wiki page for more on what we stand for.

2011 Falling for a Savior Every-time, but No More say I

2011 Missed a Day in Writing

I decided to hold off on writing my blog because I wanted to watch a movie last night, I eventually fell asleep during the movie, and did not get a chance to write myself out yesterday as I committed to doing daily. There is no excuse for this as I could have prioritized my time, and done it before the movie, but allowed justifications such as it's the weekend and I just want to relax for a bit. I still need to become more effective in organizing and prioritizing my day so I fit all that needs to be done in to make sure all my commitments are completed. I am going to test this as I have been doing all these activities usually when I get home from work and before I go to bed, I have to work at nights some nights so I have to work with that schedule too. I am going to focus more on the mornings, doing my writing and daily commitments that I have on the Internet before I go to work. By this point I should have some sort of schedule down, but it is not that easy, because it changes due to my night job and now I can not use my computer at the house, so I have to find other places to do my work such as a cafe or place that has wifi. At the moment, I will have to abide and deal with this with my mom until I am able to move out and be on my own. But anyways, Just have to get back on track and start prioritizing what needs to be done and do it no matter what, I will test and see if the morning works better. Will check back and see how it goes.

2011 Missed a Day in Writing

2011 Desire to Im-press(ed)

A point within myself that I notice I go into often rather 'unconsciously' is living from a need of wanting to and trying to impress those around me. Being noticed would be more accurate; this came up a few times today when I was observing my back chat. This has always been a point that I have latched onto as a place to define myself, but never realized how much it is influencing and controlling me through out my day. For instances, I was in the car with my nephew and his friend, we started talking about hockey, and within my back chat I desired to be recognized as a 'great' hockey player, and getting a sense of euphoria when I got my desired fill. My nephew started saying that I was the 'best' on my team, and that I was in the papers a bunch. Even writing this being dishonest within desiring others to see me as a 'amazing' and 'skilled' person in something, this point desire being irrelevant because it is not real as I am no better then any other being in anything. We all just live, no definitions.

Now where does this start from, what thoughts and beliefs, one being that I need to be seen as skilled in some way to be valued. Another way would be that I desire to be seen as better then others, so I can get an upper hand.  I haven't gotten to a point where I can effectively walk equal to others based on me holding on to these thoughts and ideas of defining myself to thoughts and ideas about myself in relation to the world around me and desiring to be more. Seeing it in separation, I must will this to stop and change to be effective in equality for and as life.


1. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to base who I am here by my thought of "I need to impress others to be valued." Thus not recognizing nor realizing the point of separation within the need of others to show/tell me that I have value.

2. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define myself based on this thought of 'I need to impress others to be valued' and thue look for who I am by those I interact with based on the reactions I receive. Thus not living but reacting to others reactions.

2a. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define myself based on reactive state of fear of not surviving instead of being here realizing I live and enjoying.

I stop fear of survival in reaction and live here as self enjoyment in living life.


3. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe in the thought 'I need to impress others to be valued' and thus activate the system of need and desire to be seen in a certain way that I have defined myself on and based myself on here in limitation.


4. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to create desires to be accepted based on my 'thoughts' that 'I need to impress to be valued'.


5. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to place value outside of myself based on me not accepting who I am within and as myself and thus looking for direction within the world around me.


6. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to separate self value of who I am as life and thus place it into the world around me thus separating me from what is here as who I am within all in this world.


7. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see myself as not valuable based on my judgments of how I am looking within and as my physical picture.


8.I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto ideas/beliefs/thoughts about how my physical body and image should look like and thus desire to be seen in this certain way.


9.I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to live within the polarity playout of joy/disappointment within the desire of wanting to be seen/valued in a certain way by others in my world.


10.I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to define myself based on the outside world, and thus missing me here within and as life as breath and deflecting the reality of myself as what is being mirrored back at me as the life I am currently living as resistance.

11.I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to miss me here in my current existence and thus deflect all the 'negative' parts of me to self victimization and thus build a polarity of desire to be seen as 'great' and thus create the opposite as 'failure'.


12.I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold an idea that I am 'great' based on my past experiences in living life, and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto the past as memories I define and create myself from.

13. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to victimize myself as a point of deflection of taking responsibility for what I have created in my world and thus use this victimization excuse to blame others.

I stop self victimization in blame and face who I am here as my world and what I am showing myself.

I stop living from past memories in experiences and live here where I am real as life.


I stop the desire of being valued by others.


I stop defining myself by my outside world.


I stop separating my from the life around me and stop deflecting myself from myself in what I am showing to me as what I am not wanting to see.


I realize and see who I am from my world thru a walking process to thus create self in a directive manner and not be directed by anything that is not here as me.


I stop desiring to be noticed and needed.


I stop the polarity playouts of great/failure.


I stop all definitions I hold on to.


I live here one and equal with all and everything in this world.

2011 Desire to Im-press(ed)

2011 Working with What is Here at Work

We got a new phone system at work, I have to now learn this new system as it is a bit different from the last phone system we had. I was looking at myself within learning this this morning, and the reactions that I saw wanted to come up and direct me where becoming apparent. One being that I was annoyed at the IT guy not directing us on how to use this new system and how is to be set up, the second was that I was going to have to deal with how to work it and spend a lot of time to figure out as I am the only one in the office who is familiar with computers and electronic type stuff mostly. These two reactions where done based on my desires and back chat of wanting to have an easy time, and blaming others for things that are here in my reality to be faced and worked with.

I realized it is unnecessary, illusionary, and abusive to have these reactions and feed them because what is here is what is here, I either face it within self direction and go along with the tasks at hand to be worked with or I create abuse thru blame, self victimization, and back chat thoughts of anger, and still have to face what is here at hand with the phones, the latter causing much more consequences that are adverse then the former. The former being to direct self with the phone task that is here, and getting the work done that is necessary to be done for what is best for the situation. The latter being in the mind and the former being here as who I am as self direction. I am working and walking the process to become the former of a self directed human being realizing and being effective for what is here as this reality, and living within what is best for all beings as each and every breath I walk living in the moment as life as self movement.

The IT guy is coming back to show us how to use it, so another point to realize is life is never how it seems in your mind, it is how it is in reality, best to stick with what is here the breath and learn to live from this perspective, I am enjoying this walk.

2011 Working with What is Here at Work

2011 It's time for All to Make a Stand

Self direction, there comes a time when one has to take a stand within themselves and their worlds, this is obviously determined by each being and it is not a path that is easy to find nor easy to decide, but it is simple in terms of how one can come to this decision. This is based on self honesty. What is self honesty? it is the simplicity of being truthful with yourself, all beings know this point of truth within themselves if they dare to look. I say it is not simple to find based on my own experiences where I had to go thru a lot of stuff to get to where I am at in terms of understanding myself within the principle of seeing myself honestly, but can say it is a process, everything in my life has brought me to this point where I am at. This point of deciding what I was going to do when I started to realize the truth of myself, that I am one and equal with everything here in fact, in essence, in life, and starting a process to live this within myself. I have always seen the truth in the 'do unto another as you would want done to you', as I want myself to be treated respectfully and decent, and obvious any other being would want to be treated in this way as well.  I have given abuse and been abused, so I realize the devastation on both ends of the stick, and am thru with the abuse of life.

These principles living self honest and creating a world for whats best for all is simple to me in terms of it's necessity and resolution to what is here as this current society, but to get to this place where in fact this is so, takes each beings self direction. This process ask of the being to let go of a system that is here, in place, and we have grown to get use to and adapted to, basically giving up the life we are use to here in this current world. But this giving up will birth a new world, a new system, and a new opppurtunity for our children to come to live in a better world, a safer world, a stable world, a supportive world, a caring world, a world where all are seen as equals, a world that is harmonious between beast and nature, a world where life is at play, a world that is life affirming, and a world that is best for all who are inhabiting it. No more will there be starving, hungry, destitute, unsupportive, uneducated people, no, all these issues will be addressed for real, and actually acted upon in the interest of all here. It's not that it is not possible here now, but this system that is in place does not facilitate this as it is based on some winning and others losing. Money being the medium to this unfair exchange where many don't have a chance because they don't have money.

In this new equal money system, the money and resources will be allocated to and for real change and real solutions within self honest self directive action, lived by each participant within this new system. Equality among co-equals for whats best for all on the planet will be the only possible outcome as this is lived by all beings. This is why the process of self realization in self honesty is part of this new system because the human being has to change from one that is an abuser of life to one that is a custodian of life, if looked at in this world, we can see that it is the human that is the 'major' problem. This path is for each being to take by there own accord, there own effort, and there own participation, it's time for each one to realize and take up there self responsibility to change self to be worthy of life for all to have life here.  Many on this planet at the moment are not living life, but suffering in the physical and/or being possessed by their minds.

 Money being the facilitator for this new world, and the equal money system is the place that this is possible for all to have a chance. Support us, investigate, read thru the articles, support the people who are dedicating themselves to see this thru (we can be found here), stop the judgemts and just have a look, it is definiatly worth it. Many say this is not possible, but that has been said about all things that are new and take effort, all it takes is a walk and discipline, lets push ourselves to see this thru as life is worth it, many possibilities will open up that can not be considered at the moment.

The equal money system- book will be coming out on 9/11/11, you can subscribe for updates, this will give much in explanations about how it will all work in this new equal system, check out the link. Thanks for reading.

2011 It's time for All to Make a Stand

2011 SF on Anger, Embarressment and abuse to Henri from earlier post

In a blog that I have done more recently I touched on the point of me existing within and as embarrassment as a reaction which causes anger to be generated and it's just a mess within myself and causes abuse to others around me, Henri was the being who I abused in this recent post by grabbing his mouth or face and making him yelp out of anger.


Sf on embarrassment, anger, and hurting henri


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react within embarrassment when henri pulled me across the vet parking lot and others where looking at me.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting in my mind eye to make the scene out of proportion to what was really happening in the parking lot and thus overreacting within and as my mind causing the energy as anger to build up.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow my own self judgments to be projected on to the outside reality and thus go into a reaction based on my own thoughts and beliefs but deny this and blame henri for those who where apparently staring at us in my 'mind' eye.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be influenced as embarrassment if I think or perceive others are looking, thinking, and possibly talking about me in a negative way.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see being talked about, thought about, and or looked at in a negative way as a failure and that I am abnormal.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting outside influences to direct me.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my projections on what the outside influence are about direct me.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear being looked at as abnormal.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear people talking about me in a negative way.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not unconditionally accept myself.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting embarrassment to have power over me and see me as less then those who I perceive has caused the embarrassment within me.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not accept who I am here and take responsibility and thus blame others for who i am experiencing myself.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting polarity play outs of inferior/superior and positive/negative to exist and direct me here.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting anger to direct me in heated moments and thus I forgive for allowing and accepting to take my anger release out on henri and cause abusive consequence.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self abuse within others as myself because I allow myself to be out of control with my emotions.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my emotions to direct me and lash out on others.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss the breath in these moments of intense energy movement and thus go into the mind and cause abuse to life.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not take in all that was happening and consider Henri's perspective and experience, but go into energy reaction and cause harm to him.


I stop all anger, embarrassment, and abuse within and as my world as I realize I am only causing harm and difficulty for myself.


I stop any and all abuse onto others in a physical manner or any manner as it is not necessary and unacceptable as I am here as one and equal to my world, so I stop self abuse.


I control who I am thru breath and walk in stability as one an equal to life as me.


I am here and stand up from the emotions and feelings of the mind and stop this as I am here as breath walking as one and equal to self.

2011 SF on Anger, Embarressment and abuse to Henri from earlier post