2012 Self Forgiveness: I Lack

Self Forgiveness Lack

This is in response to an earlier post I did on the word Proud in terms of living it in competition as an ego and living it within a consideration of self one and equal with all within the betterment of all life. Here is a reference:

Re-Defining the Word PROUD to live for All Life

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see lack within myself based on believing that I am not worthy of the life that is me because I have done such screwed up stuff in my life and have had many dishonest moments.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe that based on what I did within and as my past as my past actions, words, and thoughts that I am damned to be inferior and lack the qualities and skills that I see and believe others have and that I do not deserve.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe that I do not have the qualities and skills of others I see as more then me based on my belief that I just am not able to live up to what others can do while all the while I am wasting my time living into this belief of lack as if a belief is real and who I am, when I realize and see that beliefs are not real as they come from the mind dimensions and thus are not based in reality, are not based in this physical world, and thus do not define who I am here. I have the ability to change me here within and as all that I will myself to do, the only being holding me back is me, thus I stop holding me back as I stop these beliefs as mind illusion and walk within and as reality in what makes sense within self honest introspection and self honest action.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe that I do not deserve life as this is not possible as I am life and thus I as a life being have the ability to change who I am and become the directive principle in my world in a breath and thus I push myself to be the living directive principle in who I am and what I do as I have the power within me to walk in what ever manner I will and within the considerations as who I am as life I walk in always the consideration of what would be best for all and thus I will always consider myself within this equation. I am all and the all is I, we are all one here and thus all equal in fact. I accept myself here fully and walk my process in self correction with no judgment but only application in self honesty to get this done to stop all suffering forever more.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe because of who and what i was in the past I do not deserve to live among life in a care free and equal way,  this is based on the belief that I am not as accelerated as others and thus I will fail when I realize that I am who I am and thus have abilities and skills I can use to better my life as well as better the life as humanity as a whole. Thus I realize it is not to be in competition with others in a quest to achieve or accelerate to be more then what I see others can do, but find what I enjoy and comes natural and thus become the best that I can be in whatever it is that I enjoy doing always within the consideration of myself as all life and thus creating the best world possible for all to live and enjoy in.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to compete with others in an attempt to satisfy this desire to be more then others because I have accepted myself in need of something as I believe that I am missing something, so thus I have gone into blame and jealousy towards others to compensate and thus release this self disappointment that I have not willed myself to live to my fullest potential and push myself to excel within my self living.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to compete with others around me in an attempt to exalt my own ego based on the lack I have accepted and allowed of myself. I realize and see that I in fact lack nothing within and as what I am capable of as the will of life, but only lack the self will to push and will it in to being. This I do not accept any longer and thus accept myself for who I am here within all that I have lived and live in a way that I push every day to walk self honest and through self forgiveness change myself to be a being I am proud of.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow blame and jealousy within and as myself because I do not want to push myself within living application to change to become a being that is self directed, but allow myself to wallow in self pity and self procrastination and thus take it out on others in deflection of facing myself within these dishonesties.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting blame towards any point separate from myself in an attempt to not have to face myself and thus abuse life because I am accepting jealousy and blame to exist within me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting jealousy and  blame within and as me towards any being in my world within an attempt to bring someone else down and make me more based on my acceptance and allowance of myself as my ego to be the best and thus accept and allow the abuse of life within my own self interested desire to be special and to be seen by others as more then the life around me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting jealousy to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting blame to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use procrastination and laziness to exist within my world so I do not have to push myself and fully apply myself within my application of change because I want easement and comfort within this idea that I am doing too much, but within this using this as an excuse to not have to fully push myself because I want to not have to work hard and put in the effort which can be strenuous and difficult at times.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to give in to the mind as ego as resistance and thus give in to the enslavement of me as a being who needs to be controlled and used because I do not want to walk as life one and equal with what is here as physical and thus I will not stand equal. So I realize and see the correction here to push myself through resistances always, and use my self honest assessment to not push myself too much meaning not go over board, but apply myself and do the best I can do each and every moment using self forgiveness and self correction to get me here where life is.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be jealous and desire to be special with myself here as all life and thus seek self gratification in self interest while I allow abuse of other life forms which I realized i do not want for myself, so thus I realize and see that each and every time a thought come up I let it go of jealousy or blame or wanting to be more I stop it and release it through breathing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to blame life in an attempt to make myself self feel better in self dishonesty because I do not want to push myself and walk the walk to become equal with all that is here. Blame of life is unacceptable as it is just a lack of self will and an easy way out to not have to face self and walk the correction which is physical change which require dedication and perseverance as mind is 'easy' and life equal and one has never been walked so thus I realize it will be a walk as a process and I must always continue to stay disciplined and self honest to see it through.

When and as I go into a point of self lack and see myself less then others I stop all these thoughts immediately through breathing, assess the situation and if it becomes overwhelming and I feel like I will react simple walk away, but if after application I feel stable I continue to live and let go of all points of separation and focus on what is best for all and push myself each and every time to live this out and do the best I can do. Seeing myself equal as we all are here and we all are life, so thus walk from a starting point of equality and I accept nothing less then this among myself and the life that is here as me until it is fulfilled and we walk here as one for real in physical reality.

When and as I go into a point of blame and jealousy I stop and breath, and release this build up of accumulated thoughts through self forgiveness in my head or make note to do later in the evening if it is not able to be done in the moment. I stop all thoughts of this point of jealousy and blame as I release myself from my ego as if I am more then others as I realize and walk the acceptances of all as myself and do not define any thing or any one other then within the starting point of oneness and equality and push myself to breath within these intense peak points of wanting to react and go into self abuse as blame and jealousy, stop, let go, and leave if necessary or continue living in a way that is best for all within the situation. Also I can express myself within communicating myself in what it is that I am having an issue with so thus it is out there with the other so the issue can be resolved within mutual consideration and input with a respect and honor of the other as how I would want to be treated for myself. Honoring the life that is here among all always is the focal point, ego, jealousy, blame are not real but only an attempt to make me more and better which will always end in diminishment of myself which does not make sense because I stand for what is best for all which will always be what is best for me.

When and as I go into a point of procrastination and laziness as a resistance to push myself and face myself within my process of birthing myself as life, I push myself to walk what ever is the resistance and fulfill it within the best manner I can. I do not accept myself to indulge in points of compromise through desiring a certain experience or outcome, but walk the walk in whatever it takes til I am here as life one and equal and the world is a place I would like to live and have children grow up in, nothing is worth anything if this is not here and living within myself as this world, and so thus I push myself with all my will to apply myself each and every day as best I can so thus I can live as a being who is proud and thus in the know that I will bring forth a world that is in deed best for every living being that exist as I would want for myself, and this is how it should be. I am self disciplined, I am self motivated, I am self directed, and I need nothing but myself to get this done. I know what is needed to be walked and thus I walk it into life here as myself.


lack, self forgiveness, procrastination, lazy, competition, proud, living words life self interest competing blame jealousy, self honesty equal money eqafe desteni destonian wiki, 2012,

2012 Self Forgiveness: I Lack

2012 Re-Defining the Word PROUD to live for All LIfe

Growing up within myself I used the feeling of being proud within a point of compensation for the lack that I felt within myself. To be proud within the system is to become joyful within ones own individual accomplishments or that there of someone close to you that you love or are endeared by such as a child or a best friend. This feeling of proud brings one into a state of euphoria for a moment as we have accomplished something within the feat of what we thought we could not do or that we could not come up with.

Here I will be speaking of the word proud within the context of being proud of myself, so a proudness within oneself. This I can relate to because as a kid I was very proud, but within this proud feeling I would define myself by this, such as an achievement. This was done in a point of self interest as I was always within competition of others around me, one of my favorite things to do was athletics, so I was geared and trained within winning and competing with others, and this is what I did best. When I achieved a success within sports such as dribbling the soccer ball in between two players and passed it to the man in front to score the winning goal, this made me proud. I had succeeded in the winning of the game, and I help create the score of the final point to beat the other team. This caused great praise from all the teammates and the parents alike. So not only was I proud because I beat the other team, but I was also proud with myself because I generated some good feelings within praise and accolades within the members of the team, which boosted my ego and told me ok, I am good here, I am making it here.

Now within this feeling of being proud in this current system, it is based on the ego and the exaltation of the being as the ego within competition and self superiority. The competition we see everywhere, such as what we see within marketing, within entertainment, within religions, within education, I mean competition is what drives our society and our system for that matter, the survival of the fittest. We have to survive thus we have to compete.

Another point is that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to see lack within ourselves, this I am walking within myself as well, I have created this feeling of proudness to thus compensate for the lack I feel that I am not worthy. Thus it becomes a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs of trying to gain this feeling of proudness within myself based on gaining some kind of victory through beating others or creating something that others like, so I can have proof by the outer world that I am cool and I matter because people like me and I have proven by winning that I am better then others thus I gained value within the system. Winning and gaining others approvals currently makes life equaling humanity feel proud to be alive and relieved as they will not be the one who gets fucked by the system, those being the losers.

Being proud within this current system and the current living of it, is within the fear of survival and separation of ourselves into an ego that have to have energy to sustain itself and live, this not enjoyable for anyone if they speak within self honesty. The nice feelings this feeling of proudness generate is only a point of self definition of worthiness thus within the next breath the feeling of depression will be feed as the opposite will always manifest as they feed off each-other as a means of survival, these feelings can not be sustained by themselves so will always require more energy to generate that proud feeling and get away from the negative feeling as depression one has accepted as who they are. This is where the drive to succeed and thus survive another day in the system is sustained and this proudness feeling is but another way to feed ones ego and become more then other beings in this world to really continue surviving. The success will come always with survival as it is a dog eat dog world and to win one must compete, so we have created a false sense of proudness of ourselves within a very limited expression of survival and fear of lose.

Now to re-define the word Proud into a living word best for all, I would start by changing my focus of who I include in living proud, this through allowing all to enjoy or benefit from what every it is I created or did. Seeing life within equality and oneness will then take away any points of need for feeling worthy within myself or fear of not surviving because all that is here is me and thus when this is lived by all life, fear of survival and thus a need to be better within self will cease to exist and being proud will stop being from a point of self interest to feed a feeling created through energy generation.

So within living this way of inclusion of all life and having a sense of pride within oneself would be a release of all points of ego as competition and living from a wholeness of being of acceptance of all here and thus acceptance of myself as life within all that I do. Living within principles of self honesty and self correction always to create the best being I can be so what I create is void of ego and only from the expression of and as myself within the joy of who I am as life. From here what I create or live within my expression is done within the wholeness of the understanding that I will be benefiting all who will come into contact with what ever I do or create and thus I can be proud that I did my best within the consideration of all the life that is here. Thus I have created a universal benefit for all the life within the world I live and this is a living of the word being proud. Being proud of self as self has supported and assisted to the benefit of all life, and thus one can be proud that you have created easement and satisfaction for others as you would like for yourself.



lack, self forgiveness, procrastination, lazy, competition, proud, living words life self interest competing blame jealousy, self honesty equal money eqafe desteni destonian wiki, 2012,

2012 Re-Defining the Word PROUD to live for All LIfe

2011 Will Sports and Gambling Exist in an Equal Money System?

Looking at this point of sports and gambling existing in an equal money system is interesting because so many people participate in one or both of these activities in this current society. As far as gambling I would look at this from the perspective of what is best for all, and many gamble in an attempt to gain money quick. This point of desire for quick money is so we can have extra cash to get stuff without doing little to no work. This point of getting something for free or without any effort is not practical nor makes any sense based on the fact that in this gambling game the house is always at the advantage as the profit goes to the house and the contributor is going purely on chance, which boils down to one winner and the rest losing.  The hope for freedom in any point in our world without physical effort to make it possible is no way to function here as it will not create what needs to be created rather people will sit and wait in hope that it magically will be done, this not being possible as the only ones who will change what is here is us physically changing it. Gambling not being supportive because it accepts that there is a hope that life can be fixed or made better thru chance and by luck, this not real and does not support what is here physically for all to live here in fact.

In gambling this desire to have extra cash is perpetuated and extreme in this current system due to the fact that in many peoples lives there is not enough money to go around, or the money they do have they have to work very hard to get. This hope to get quick cash easy is a tantalizing temptation because the thought is 'someone has to win?' But the reality that you will be that winner is slim to none. An idea of the odds that resides in winning a million dollars like winning at a mega bucks slot machine is 1 in 49,836,032 tries, so looking at these numbers it is very unlikely. The idea that we accept here is that it is ok for some to win while many lose due to that hope and one and a million  chance that you could be that lucky winner someday. Capitalism works the same as gambling, where it's the luck of a few who benefit by gaining access to money, where many go without due to greed and no chance to win or even get a ticket to play as we see all over the world where people starve everyday due to lack of resources when there is plenty to go around. This luck of the draw and casino like society that is being demonstrated within this accepted and allowed entertainment we call gambling and lived within our current system is unacceptable as not all benefit.  In an equal money system all will be provided for with the basics, and based on the money being a support for life in all ways and nothing less, all will live like millionaires as this is possible with the resources that are here, the new direction as money being a support, and life being lived by principles of self understanding and self realization that all life is one and equal to self. This generating the support that all will need to live happy, enjoyable, safe, and assured lives.

This brings me to the next point, which is sports in an equal money system, will sports exist? The sports within what is existing now in this current society where one win and one lose, be it a team or yourself, with this desire to be the best and beat others in a game  will no longer be supported. Obviously competing and trying to be better then another even as a game and in sport is supporting suffering as an acceptable way of living in this current system, which is due to the fact where some are winners and some are losers, the losers always getting the shit end of the deal. This point of having winners and losers and accepting this as the natural order of things is not so as all in this physical world require what is necessary to live life, this being water, food, breath, shelter, all being equal within the life that is here as all are life in fact, this not being debatable and not in anyway a competition as all need this to live. Sports as entertainment just showing the extent as the competition of our egos has gone, making our fun based on thriving to be the winners and desire to be the best knowing full well that there will be losers and suffering in one way or another will be caused. This not a system that has to be in place. It is possible for all to live and gain equal share of all that is here, this just has to be agreed and designed in a way to facilitate such principles. This will be done in an equal money system.

Sports with the point of having winners and losers will be reformed or simply let go of and new forms of physical activity will emerge or we can re-establish the sports we have now  to be done in a way where we perpetuate equality, oneness, and the honor of all.  Physical activity will be more of an expression of self as an actual moment to moment living directing the physical movement as you go, actually feeling the body move thur the air as one gain lift off a ski jump and sail along until one is back on the ground again, experiencing the action as a living moment here direct as self.  This as real physical action instead of being in the mind desiring to have the highest jump, so you can be the best ski jumper, pushing self to go faster and higher in competition with others who are jumping as well (as an example). The awareness and perspective of the being in physical motion will be different based on being here as breath directing oneself in what one does, with no drive or motivation to do anything other then express self thru motion. The sport athlete as known today is one who live from the mind being driven by the ego to gain fame, fortune, and notoriety as the best sports player on the field, on the team, in the country, or in the world, and thus living from a point of self interest separating from others here to be better. Thus a common separation we see in sports as a black team vs. a blue team do not exist as it's just a group of humans on a field moving in motion with a ball. Only in the delusion of the human mind is the competition and desire to be the best lived, which has been perpetuated and programmed into society by media and education to be seen as 'normal' when in fact it is not our nature. Equality and oneness as all life here is who we are as all here desire to live and all deserve this right as all are in fact part of life, no competition necessary to live this.

So sport and gambling as we know it today will not exist in an equal money system based on it being driven by ego and self interest glorification, and not for what is best for all. The equal money system will be held within a standard of what is best for all in all aspects of life conceived, which in turn will always be what is best for self. We as the human race will have to do some re-education of ourselves to get to this point where we can accept this as so and live it as self into a world where life is honored and respected in all ways one and equal to all as how you would want to live. Where no one win or lose, but all live as co-equals and express as such.

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2011 Will Sports and Gambling Exist in an Equal Money System?