2011 Video Support from Sunette -Working with Spitefulness Point

Spitefulness

In my world I see that I am very spiteful towards my family, where I hold on to this belief that they are causing me to live and have to limit myself based on how they are acting and how they are causing me to act. Not taking responsibility for my own self within and as the moments of interaction with them, but going into blame and anger because of how it is. This is specific to certain people, where I will react based on accepted and allowed past definitions I hold on to of them, not allowing myself to be here unconditional but holding on to spiteful thoughts and memories of them. This I can see here writing is due to my accepted and allowed desire to hold on to this point of competition specifically with my family where I desire to be looked at and seen as better and right in the eyes of other members. Also holding on to the roles of each family member where they hold me in place to my accepted and allowed personality definitions I hold on to as myself and living out the same cyclical 'fights' 'judgments' 'beliefs' with them, not directing the situation but being directed by my reactions. This not taking responsibility of myself within this and not bringing each and every reaction/belief/judgment/thoughts back to myself. Basically saying that I am not what I judge/believe/react/think about others in my family suiting it to fit into my own desired outcomes so I can enjoy and live in a certain self interest way of life whatever it may be. This not being self honest unconditionally within and as these points of introspection and self forgiveness, but still holding onto these desires to be better and right, living a certain ideal, or self interested memories. I am going to write out more on paper as it is more sufficient to write more in a space of time and also to not implicate anyone on internet as this writing requires to get more personal, also to open up more points, but cool here to look at some of this within how I have accepted and allowed myself to be.


This is in reference to a video that was done on my eye swelling up a few weeks ago, which Sunette posted today- the video response.


Self Forgiveness Application on post

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live within and as spite towards my world blaming my world for how I am experiencing myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to blame my family for how i am experiencing myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to blame my living conditions for how I am experiencing myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting resentment within and as reactions to and as my family's interaction because I am not gaining the desired outcome that I have set out to attain.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to have a desired outcome in which I attain to.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to limit myself within attainments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow resentment in my actions towards my family to manifest as anger in words and actions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to miss myself within and as my reactions towards and with my family as if I am not responsible for what is occurring.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abdicate my self responsibility to handle myself in self honesty to stop the reactions of anger, resentment, and blame I am holding towards others in my family.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to hold onto blame and resentment towards others to have the upper hand within and as future situations so I can be right and thus be superior.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to have the upper hand over other beings so I can be right and thus win.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see my world within and as competition so I can win and be the best.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist in spitefulness if I don't win and thus don't get the desires I set out for in the act of competing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to desire to be right.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to win.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to not unconditionally accept others as myself and thus see myself in others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto my ego and thus desire to boost my ego within and as the thoughts of winning and gaining the upper hand.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not accept myself as who I am and believe I have to be better.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge others for who they are and thus not fully investigate who i am as what my world is showing me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not investigate myself fully because I still hold on to these desires to stay on top and be the best in my world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to allow best and worst polarities to exist with and as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto comparisons of others in my world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold on to memories of others in the past and use them against others as a back up plan so I can be on top.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within and as the past so I don't have to face myself here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto how I view others as comparisons and judgments within the means of competition so I can be the best.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting comparison of others to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist through the eyes of my mind in reactions and hold onto the reactions so I can gain satisfaction when it is released as energy.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire the release of energy instead of realizing who I am within this energy build up and direct it within self honesty.

I release all points of separation within holding on to energies as addictions and will myself to direct myself in common sense for what is best for all.

I stand up within and as these realization, and I stop my participation with being better.

I stop spiting myself within and as others holding onto past memories of them to then hold against them.

I stop the desire to win.

I stop competition.

I stop blame and separation to avoid responsibility.

I stop judgment,

I accept all here as myself and realize that I move me here as what is best for all not limiting myself within reactions nor desires that are not real.

I breath thru the reactions here, and always bring back everything in my world back to myself to see where I am at in breath in self honesty.

I walk these realizations to equalize myself with who I am here as all here as physical beings.

thanks

2011 Video Support from Sunette -Working with Spitefulness Point

2011 Sleep to escape

I was planning on writing in this journal, but I fell asleep. The night before I had done the same thing, where I allowed myself to close my eyes because I was tired, but then about a half hour later, I woke up again and was able to get my daily journal in. This time I did not, it's now 445 in the morning and I am writing out the daily blog I have committed to. This is a point where I still am allowing this point of laziness and not prioritizing my time because I still desire to stay in my comfort zone and not wanting to deal with myself and what I am facing as the totality of me I am seeing.

This based on believing that I have a choice and am able to do what I want, when really it is just prolonging what is necessary to be done and pushing myself to meet the requirements to do this. Still living in want and desire, where my life is nice, fun, easy, and entertaining. Obviously, I have to push myself more to become self disciplined and expansive, and stop holding on to these points of comfort, self interest, and escapism.

SF

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to sleep when I realize that I have responsibilities to live out and complete.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to tiredness and thus in my secret mind desire to escape my responsibilities.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hide and try to escape within and as sleep.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to  escape myself because of the responsibilities I see that are here within self honesty and self realizations.

I stop giving my power away to tiredness.

I stop desiring to escape, I live here in breath and move in self discipline.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting a point of spitefulness because I have responsibilities to adhere to.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting spitefulness because I do not want nor desire to push myself, work hard, and have to write out everyday.

I frogive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear that I will not having anything to write about.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to sleep and allow self interest rather then push myself to expand myself in writing and live out my commitment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use tiredness as an excuse to live in limbo and in comfort.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that I have to be miserable to be able to transcend this point of self interest in comfort.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be in self interest rather then self responsibility and not prioritize myself so I have sufficient time for each activity I plan to do.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my self interest wants and desires to overpower the points of self discipline within me.

I stop self interest and push to live out self responsibility in all that I am doing.

I stop allowing tiredness to direct me, and prioritize my time so I am effective and efficient in what I am doing.

I stop spitefulness.

I stop all fear related to not being or having enough to say.

I am self disciplined, and I continue to push myself to write out daily and adhere to all other responsibilities.

I am breath, and I move one breath at a time.

2011 Sleep to escape

2011 I am a back chatter....and I stop

Why do I behave in spitefulness, allowing the back chat of thoughts and pictures of others as nastiness and abuse to direct me many time's thru out my days? Common sense, I would not want to be treated or even thought about in the ways I 'think' of others, but in a sense it is allowed based on my agreement with myself that all are doing it, so that justifies myself to do it as well, unacceptable.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to justify my back chat because others are doing it as well.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to assume how and what others are thinking and or doing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting back chat thoughts of abuse to direct me here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting anger and spitefulness to direct me based on participating into and as my back chat thoughts.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to participate in my secret mind and thus hide who I really am to save face.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have a fake face and thus hide my true thoughts of someone.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting thoughts to direct me, instead of realizing I am here as breath simple as who I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear being vulnerable in front of others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hide in and as my secret mind and back chats so I don't have to face myself.

I stop back chat and secret mind thoughts from direct me. I realize I am able to stop this and I stop this here in and as each breath as I walk.

I direct myself in common sense as one and equal to all as myself.

I stop spitefulness.

i stop anger.

I stop abuse of myself thru and as others.

I am here, I walk as life one and equal and I face who I have become here no matter what happens.

I breath.

This only to be faced as myself to show the detriment and reversed way of living that this actually causes humans to live out on this planet, living within and as our back chat and secret mind thoughts, the 'real' human nature would be revealed, evil, (=lived in reverse, evil=live) this is true if observed even for a moment. All abuse in any forms starts within thoughts, the way I allow my thoughts to direct me, and what I allow through this space between my ears is creating and eventually going to manifest my physical reality.

Let me look at an example to help myself see this is as a real-life scenario, this morning I was at my desk working and my dad who is my boss came in with some news that was not easy to hear. This caused emotional feelings of hopelessness and fear, but I allowed this to be suppressed, these feelings, and not voice myself to speak out and discuss what was going on within me for me to see and realize who I was being in that moment. I allowed to hold it in and fester in and as my secret mind and through out the morning as back chat going on in my head while moving thru work. I went on with my day, holding on to the back chat thoughts about how fucked up shit is, how everyone is fucked, and I am going to be fucked. This allowing to build as I was not directing the point, and when those at my work that would come to ask me a question about something i would not be here, as this energy that is now built up as hopelessness, fear, and anger has started to manifest as I am feeling heavy within myself, thus manifesting the back chat as heaviness of the thoughts that where depressive in nature, and allowing a rage as fear thru anger to fuel me forward in spitefulness towards others. Back chat / secret mind thoughts manifest in and thru the mind into the physical as emotions based on enegry.

A co-worker asked me to do something for her with some jewelry, and I was very quick with her wanting to release this built up emotion so I buzzed her away as the problem was not able to be solved by me, she had to go to the jeweler, but I was being very cold and unhelpful to her problem. Not allowing any form of equality within what I was actually doing physically with her as her, but being wrapped up in my secret mind allowing back chat of her, such as her 'being annoying and would she just leave me alone, figure it out urself', ect. These back chat thoughts manifesting into my words as being spiteful within them and as my physical actions as I moved quick and aggressively with her, this allowing some of the built up emotion to be released generated through the thoughts in the secret mind, as I would not dare say it allowed (why not? something to consider later, open this up more). After some time later, I started to see what I was doing and started to breath thru the emotions and stop the back chat and secret mind thoughts to then become equal again to her as myself as what is real here as the physical REALity.

I am seeing, it's a point that is needed to be directed specifically when it occurs, and stopped immediately when it is seen as this can easily build and become physically manifest in all sorts of ways, anger and spitefulness I am working with at the moment myself, within and as accepting and allowing back chat and secret mind thoughts continually unchecked. This can become very unfortunate, if it becomes out of hand and uncontrollable as emotions flare and become unpredictable. This seeing, monitoring, and being aware as breath here allows one to start to recognize the back chat/secret mind chatter and can start to tame, direct, and eventually release it as it is not who I am here. No secrets are ever needed nor are ever cool, so I am standing in facing myself as the secret mind/back chat I have allowed and accepted, and stopping this back chat/secret mind chatter til it ceases to exist.

Later I was with the co-worker from that day, and she confronted me about me being 'rude' earlier, I apologized and we discussed directly what I was suppressing and taking out on her, that helped me to see more clear what I was doing and what I can do next time to stop the back chat thoughts of spite and anger, and be here direct equal as the physical and equal as other beings, my co-worker in this instance, to be effective with real solutions for what's best for all. Not allowing unnecessary abusive consequences through spite and anger in the interest of only my self satisfaction for a moment as an energy release, this being not real and will never last.

2011 I am a back chatter....and I stop

2011 I am the end result...no excuses

I 've been sporadic in my sleeping application, waking up in 6 hours or less and then a day or two later sleeping in past my alarm allowing to sleep thru because it's easier then pushing to wake up. This sporadic and instability within my application is not doing me any favors, I have no cause for complaint when things happen that cause some type of unnecessary and avoidable outcome. This is what it is though, when the input is sporadic I will see the output be sporadic. When the input is stable, I will see stability as the output. For me as for all as I am all, it is a matter of self will what will be, it is all up to me. There are no excuses even though I can 'think' of many.

2011 I am the end result...no excuses

2011 SF on Anger, Embarressment and abuse to Henri from earlier post

In a blog that I have done more recently I touched on the point of me existing within and as embarrassment as a reaction which causes anger to be generated and it's just a mess within myself and causes abuse to others around me, Henri was the being who I abused in this recent post by grabbing his mouth or face and making him yelp out of anger.


Sf on embarrassment, anger, and hurting henri


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to react within embarrassment when henri pulled me across the vet parking lot and others where looking at me.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting in my mind eye to make the scene out of proportion to what was really happening in the parking lot and thus overreacting within and as my mind causing the energy as anger to build up.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow my own self judgments to be projected on to the outside reality and thus go into a reaction based on my own thoughts and beliefs but deny this and blame henri for those who where apparently staring at us in my 'mind' eye.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be influenced as embarrassment if I think or perceive others are looking, thinking, and possibly talking about me in a negative way.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to see being talked about, thought about, and or looked at in a negative way as a failure and that I am abnormal.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting outside influences to direct me.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my projections on what the outside influence are about direct me.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear being looked at as abnormal.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear people talking about me in a negative way.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not unconditionally accept myself.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting embarrassment to have power over me and see me as less then those who I perceive has caused the embarrassment within me.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not accept who I am here and take responsibility and thus blame others for who i am experiencing myself.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting polarity play outs of inferior/superior and positive/negative to exist and direct me here.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting anger to direct me in heated moments and thus I forgive for allowing and accepting to take my anger release out on henri and cause abusive consequence.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self abuse within others as myself because I allow myself to be out of control with my emotions.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting my emotions to direct me and lash out on others.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss the breath in these moments of intense energy movement and thus go into the mind and cause abuse to life.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to not take in all that was happening and consider Henri's perspective and experience, but go into energy reaction and cause harm to him.


I stop all anger, embarrassment, and abuse within and as my world as I realize I am only causing harm and difficulty for myself.


I stop any and all abuse onto others in a physical manner or any manner as it is not necessary and unacceptable as I am here as one and equal to my world, so I stop self abuse.


I control who I am thru breath and walk in stability as one an equal to life as me.


I am here and stand up from the emotions and feelings of the mind and stop this as I am here as breath walking as one and equal to self.

2011 SF on Anger, Embarressment and abuse to Henri from earlier post

Process Support- Breathing

I was driving home tonight, and starting to do the 4 count breath, which is if anyone reading is unaware, you breath in 1234 hold 1234 and breath out 1234, becoming aware as yourself as the physical movement of breathing here present and directing self within and as each and every moment as i breath. This breathing exercise is used until I am here as breath as who I am, so using the breath is to become aware and considerate of who I am when here, stable, and in a sense quiet within myself. When breathing in the past I had noticed that it was like a struggle, I was uncomfortable doing it so allowing resistance to build up to doing it, but tonight I realized something that I had not seen before and that is that I had been fighting myself within breathing, forcing myself into the breathing exercise with a strict set way to do it as I perceived from others experiences and sharing.  Not being unconditionally here as myself gently breathing, but forcing it and making myself hold exactly for the amount of seconds, and causing myself to be out of breath because I was in my head trying to make myself be here and breath. Never going to work as I am separating myself from the act of breathing as me here by trying to do it causing polarity and thus friction

Another point I saw was how I have been forcing myself to stop my thoughts, as well as, discreetly judging myself for not stopping them quick enough, allowing too many, and thus reacting within and as my breathing to the thoughts that I am becoming aware of as myself thru the breathing exercise. This I also had a realization, where it is not a point of stopping the thoughts by force, but allowing them to float through and not react, letting them go. Because as myself in process I am going to think, have thoughts, and have reactions, but the process is to continually will yourself to stop the reactions of the thoughts.  I see to do this is by allowing the thoughts to flow and slowing willing the no reaction to the thoughts that flow thru until they are no more and I am here breathing.

At first it is necessary to stop the thoughts out right to become aware of the extent and experience of them for yourself, with a 'i stop participating in this -- no more' after the self forgiveness is applied. This eventually I realized is that I can not judge my thoughts nor mind, as this is separation, but become equal and one to it as I am realizing my participation within and as these energies I am generating as thoughts and thus as emotions. So when the thoughts do flow through during my day, I will allow myself to release them by stopping participation within the reactions which fuel and generate the thought flow. By stopping my participation within the reactions as energy generation as emotions by now becoming aware of the thoughts thru the breathing, eventually the thoughts and thus the reactions as energies as emotions will cease to exist. Directing me within the presence of myself as here breathing and releasing the reactions to the thought flow that has kept me enslaved for eons is my willing to become stable, and within stability as self as Life as who I am will then blossom. As life is here as the breathing as me stable, no reactions and thus no thoughts, thus here me breath. It's a seeing, sf, stopping and release as i am here and stable, no more dependent on anything, but here as self as the breath of life.  I am finding that all this is to be lived by self, no one can realize self perfection as the breath of life here stable for me, to be this I must live this as who I am as one and equal as life here stable. Thus walk the walk as the saying goes.

Process Support- Breathing

Reactions at the Vet

I took Henri to the vet tonight to get a check up and some shots that where due. I was before even going there counting my funds because I have only a certain amount I could spend so I have some money for the next two weeks to live on. I have created a lot of debt as myself and now am facing the consequences of that with a lot of money due each month, but I am grateful for what I have and I stop myself from taking things for granted as I have before because I realize what is behind all that I am for certain responsible for and the creator of everything that is happening here as me. So I went in there with numbers to be matched where I was able to switch around some of the shots and test that weren't necessary and was ok.

When Henri sees us pull into the vet parking lot he starts barking and getting hyper, I am not sure if it is from the expectation of where he knows he is going or the smell of other animals and seeing them as well. He becomes a bit much to handle as he is about 70 pds and strong. I have treats that help to calm him, but he is very much enthusiastic. In this particular instance, he was a bit frantic and pulling me across the parking lot, within myself I felt this rushing of adrenaline from my solar plexus to my chest and up into my head, and allowed embarrassment to direct me as others where watching me (in my mind eye) getting pulled.

Now this is a pattern, where in public I will be embarrassed for one reason or another and the attention will be placed on me and within myself react because I see embarrassment as a failure and that I am not normal. I will usually react in anger and blame to whatever is causing this point of embarrassment to exist within me, and obviously projecting my own self abdication of responsibility away from me and on to them. If I am by myself and the point is obviously me, this is where I would go into a point of self judgment and self sabotage. I have become more stable in the embarrassment point of myself and slowed down this point of self sabotage and self judgment say if I slip on water in front of others or on a stoop, I will immediately stop it, not allow the reactions to direct and thus be stable.

But when I have another being with me, I go into the self victimization and lash out on others as I see being in a group in public more humiliating when others are with me and cause us to be 'unwantedly noticed'. So this is a judgment of others I have allowed within me based on how they act and if I am seen as 'abnormal' or anything undesired within myself because of how they acted or whatever was done. I immediately go in to blame and project my own self separations as self hate and not accepting myself and deflecting that by seeing it in others, but not seeing it in myself. Trying to pin it on others and blame, so I don't have to face myself and thus don't have to deal with the effort, work, challenge, and understanding of what it takes to stop these patterns. But I realize it is the only way to self perfection as I have stopped judging who I am, and unconditionally accept and support myself to see and push through these points I am seeing and realizing as I go.

In this instance Henri was my unfortunate lash out, where I became embarrassed because I 'thought' everyone was looking at me and angry because he was pulling me quite hard and jumped on me, and within the anger peak I reached down and grabbed his mouth or face and caused him to yelp. I immediately went into guilt as I know what I am doing to myself being abusive and lashing out causing a physical reaction in him as a point that I am still accepting myself to self abuse myself physically. This behavior of physical force onto Henri being unacceptable and unnecessary as there is no reason what so ever to put any force on another being in any situation. Allowing anger and embarrassment to direct me is fueling this behavior so I must work on slowing myself down in these moments when these emotions arise, and stopping myself before I manifest the energy play-out physically.

When I was younger I was very physical with my sisters, we would physically abuse each other punch, push, pull hair, kick, whatever that came out as a way to vent out this compounding emotions that were building within the participation I was/am existing as throughout my world in any given situation through emotions and mind projection play-outs. I see that this is a part of my programming and how I have patterned myself so I will be aware, use my breath, and stop these points of self separation to have power over me and thus direct myself within and as the emotions to stop and release them through sf and self corrective application.

Sf on this to follow

Reactions at the Vet

Some SF on future and projecting self

Fear of future and projection SF


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear the future.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear what I will do in the future.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear the lose of myself within and as what I will be experience based on my projections of how the world will turn out in the future to come.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to project myself into the future, and fear that I will not make it.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear not be able to get a job and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear not having money.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to fear money will be scarce and so my bills will fall behind and I will not be able to function here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to project my livelihood on my beliefs that money is scarce and that I will not be able to get a job.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear people in this world.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear peoples thoughts of me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting evil (live reversed) thoughts of others within back chat and my secret mind.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear the world going into chaos and thus not be able to live here as myself as I am now.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear losing myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the thoughts that I can lose myself.

I am here as self as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be within and as projection into the future and past within my mind and miss me here as life of breath.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abdicate my responsibility to life here as myself by being in the mind thinking, not using practical physicality to make change as what I see is best for all.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear disapproval from those who are involved in desteni.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself based on comparisons with others in desteni.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to use excuses to of judgments, ect to not have to face or move myself here and just be laxs.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to miss breath here and thus waste time in my head instead of here where I can make a difference.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within desires and wants of future projections instead of living here as what is life and existing in the moment creating myself as I am.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to project myself onto the yelping animal within and as pain last nite, and so I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear having to kill it possibly.

I stop projection myself somewhere else and realize I am here as breath one and equal as the physical.

I stop the reactions of fear and realize fear is only real if I allow it, I stop fear and realize I am here as all there is.

I realize I am a physical being as breath breathing, and I walk and will myself to use common sense and do my best to create what is here as all as one as equal for what is best for all beings as i see what is best for me.

Some SF on future and projecting self

Process Support - Dreams

I have been having dreams lately of sex and being with men, I have not been with a man or sexually active in a few months now. This is like a pattern that I am seeing when I go without sex for a few months, but have not gone more then 4-5 months without any sex since starting process as I have been in an agreement. I have been doing the six months of no sexual contact with myself nor a partner, and I have noticed after about two months my mind will start playing over these dreams where I will have some sort of sexual contact in them, I am gonna start to write them down when I get up because I can't remember any specifics at the moment. But this pattern has emerged, I am stopping this as it has cycled a few times now, where I am stopping all sexual needs, desires, urge, attration, physical contact thru will as self honesty and self forgiveness. I am on month two of this and will go until the dreams, urges, desires for sexual contact/fulfillment subsides. I am also doing this with sugar and sleep as these are two other great desires I feed into alot, so allot of application and self will to be continually applied to equalize myself with who I am here as life one and equal as the physical, stopping my mind as desires and thoughts, which is cool as it's best for all.

Desteni Site for more on process stopping desires as the mind

Process Support - Dreams

SF on Anger and addiction to energy

SF from last post


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist as anger in and through an attempt to release the energy build up on to the outside of my world because it seems to much to bear.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within and as addiction to energy as anger within the succulence when it is released and I have gone from high to low as this is where I feel comfortable.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to basis who I am on the release and or build up of energy through the movement of my emotions and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to direct myself outside myself in separation based on the influence of movement of energy as emotion through my physical body.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to release the build up of energy as anger because it feels like I will explode.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to in the moments of the anger build up climax point I feel as if there is no other option I must submit to this energy and release.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself for allowing and accepting myself to give in and give away my power completely to the energies of emotions through anger.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to believe that I am powerless to these energy buildups.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to miss the breath here as who I am because I am allowing possession based on the addiction I have towards energy build up and release.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting abuse based on my own self interest of gaining energy.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be directed by energy rather then directing myself as who I am here as the physical.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to give in to energy and thus allow abuse to be here as I have given up due to self interest.



I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be spiteful due to not wanting to face myself here and thus blame others.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting blame in an attempt to hide from who I am and thus take the easy way out by giving in to energy and blaming the world.


I stop this blame, I stop separating me from my world, stop hiding within these emotions.


I stop self interest. I stop giving in to energy as emotions.


I stop addictions to energy.


I stop separations.


I direct me here in common sense and walk the process til I am done as I am here.

SF on Anger and addiction to energy

A loopy day -- blog for 2/11/11

Im in the woods where there is no internet access, so I will obviously not be able to post this on the internet til I get to a place with the www hookup. Today was an interesting day, I had a lot of reactions within anger as things did not go smooth. I am realizing that this energy of anger I give myself to quite easily, like when it arises, I immediately want to release it onto others especially those that caused the reaction within me, blaming by going after them in spitefulness fueled by this anger within. I am flagging this point as I must transcend it, I will not accept myself to give my power away and to do that I have to investigate where this anger is coming from.

I see it in this moment basically a point of self interest, where I do not want friction nor confrontation in my world, where allot of the anger lately has been placed on my parents who are confronting me on what I am doing, how is it that I am changing anything, and why I am going to extremes. This I don’t want to deal with in a sense, like I have so much to do during the day, and this just add’s to the annoyances of something else I have to deal with. That's another point, annoyance or irritation to the people in my world as I am kind of placed outside of my bubble, and have to interact and deal with whatever is here. This I realize is myself I am dealing with my own accepted and allowed nature, and it’s like this ‘mindset’ that I use to live out as ‘if I don’t get caught it’s not stealing’, ‘if I am not bothered. it’s not real, it’s doesn’t effect me’. Not wanting to deal with anything that takes up my time and cause a conflict type reaction, like being confronted with something that causes a spike in emotion. Today I missed my breath, and kind of fed into the energy allowing it to direct me and push points that where unnecessary and done out of self interest. Also, another point that came up that I have noticed as of yet and brought awareness to in process, is being possessive of ‘my precious things’. I have an ipod that I bought a few weeks ago, and the 7 year old in my house want’s it because she ‘thinks’ it’s cool, I left it on the table and she scooped it up, and brought it to school. This set me off this morning because I wanted to use it and I was angry because she took it to school knowing it could easily be broken or misused. I got it back later and my 'thinking' was validated and manifested as the screen was cracked, I was pissed, but did not fully go into the anger emotion, but allowed back chat thoughts, and some anger towards her.  I did not direct myself within common sense as equal and one to her giving her practical ways to go about 'borrowing' 'my stuff', but acting like a ‘spoiled brat’ that got something so important taken it away and lashing out. How selfish? After the fact, I was in the car and realized how robotic I was being and I remember this movie that I saw a few days back on the factories that make the ipods, and how those beings are committing suicide because they work 34 hours a day in relentless conditions, and all Im concerned about is my precious stuff. I am going to flag this point as well because I see alot goes into this possessive point.

So still I am working and time-looping within this point of anger and irritation towards my world, trying to hide, blame, and re-direct self onto others not taking responsibility for myself. Obviously, unacceptable, so I continue to see these points and push myself in self discipline and breath awareness so I can stop myself in the moment and direct myself for what is best for all, continuing to push myself and not accept anything less.

A loopy day -- blog for 2/11/11

My First Guitar Lesson...

Today, I had a guitar lesson, it was the first one at that and a long time coming. I have been meaning to do lessons, but never found the time or money to be able to do it. With school, I had some money to take the lessons so I did, and the time slot fell in to place, so it worked out. I am enjoying the lesson so far as I got the basic understanding of the what is what in the cord setup on the guitar, and how to play the basic notes and tunes.

It's funny within my life, I always looked at music, drawing/painting, art, creative expression as not as cool as what I was doing within being an athlete. I judged those that did art and musical type hobbies as dorky and uncool, and that I was so cool because I could play alot of sports. I prided myself on it, and the fact that I was 'decent' at it, and also I 'luved' being able to compete with guys and be level in ability usually with them. This for me was the basis on how I viewed and judged myself seeing myself as inferior or superior based on how well I did in sports, and living this out as a basis of how I saw myself.

Now that I have realized that the way I looked at life and others was 'faulty', and how I missed so much opportunity for growth and expansion because I limited myself based on my thinking and the ideas that then formed of what I believed as judgments and opinions, all being fleeting and unsubstantial. Withinn music itself, I really enjoyed hearing the music, the different sounds and how they all synced together, the tonality of the voice and how melodic and flowy it sounds, and the lyrics bringing the whole piece together into a song, it really is an awesome creative tool and enjoyment for all those that participate in it, but I stunted myself in this expression because I had an opinion and judged my outside world. So now realizing that my lack of acceptance and openness to others has accumulated, and now with guitar having to start at the beginning of my creative expressions has been a wake up call in a sense because I am seeing and living out the accumulative separation I have caused based on things that aren't real. This is a cool time tho, I have the opportunity to learn a new 'hobby' and once I get more in-tune use it in my expression as life. To get to a satisfactory point within self, any discipline takes a lot of 'physical' work, practice, perseverance, commitment, and patience, so cool to take this on within guitar as I am with process.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge sports as more cool then those who chose to do creative things.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to put myself on a pedestal in my 'mind' and thus see myself better then others based on the picture i had of who I was and what I could do in terms of playing sports.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself as more superior then other beings because I could play sports 'better' then others I compared myself to.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to those who I saw in separation in judgment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to constantly be competing to be the best and win in all that I did.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to base myself on whether I was winning or not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself as less then if I lost.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to get angry if I lost or was losing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to take my anger out on others as aggression within sport matches.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be extra hard on my sister in summer league if she was playing 'bad' in my eyes, and thus would be 'bitchy' towards her.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to take my anger out on others because I don't want to face the dishonesty within me of what and how I have accumulated myself and thus I forgive for allowing and accepting anger at others as a means of hiding and escaping my actions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to base myself in sports and how I performed in them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the polarity of better/least within and as me.

I stop this polarity of separating myself into seeing and living myself out as better or worse, it is not real, I am here one and equal to all as me.

I stop competing with myself.

I stop anger and take responsibility for myself.

I stop self judgment and judgment of others as myself in ideas and opinions I hold onto.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto opinions and ideas about who I see as better or worse.

I stop all opinions and ideas as I stop the polarity of better/worse.

I let go of comparison and realize I remain.

I breath all of me here, walk as myself as all as one and equal, live in humbleness and change where I see what is best for all, and live.

My First Guitar Lesson...

Is Poverty a Joke? You would be surprised

This picture is an op-ed piece from a local writer, but it is quite telling of the current world relationship with those that are truly struggling, with no money to sustain themselves or there families. There has been no real change in poverty, although billions of dollars has been pumped into this 'problem' over many years, still there are 45 million people living in poverty here in America this year. This being unacceptable to me, this not even considering the children, animals, nature, and all the other beings being effected by the lack of funds to be sustained with as a collateral damage effect, many suffer silently.

There is no consideration for actually solving the state of 'poverty' as if it is a run of the mill issue that those in office discuss, not looking at the actual real life that is effected every moment. It's like a big joke that those that define themselves by political preferences, go back and forth about 'how to fix poverty?' Not considering or wanting to considered, the countless beings that suffered under this current economic system, where poverty is a natural ingredient and ingrained into the foundation of the win/loss survival system, we call capitalism. Like the solution is so vast and complex that we just can't figure it out, although the 7 year old in my house describe it perfectly clear within the statement of how she describe the men on the TV 'trying to sell the cars (there was a news story on about car's being overpriced ect. I cant remember the specifics, sry), over pricing them so they could go out and buy expensive things.' I asked her 'how do we solve this?' and she said with confidence and simplicity, 'give everyone money', and I said like 'give to others as you would want' and she said 'yes!'. Please, it is in front of our faces, we just do not want to see as we want to stay in our bubbles, but all the while 'rome is burning', makes no sense and must come to an end, humanities ignorant blindness. This only being reached by living it as self truthfully in self honesty as life, but I will get to that a bit later.

Within an equal money system, the discussions will only be for what is best for all in all given scenarios, and as my 7 year old niece said today, it is what is best for me must be best for all and what is best for all must be best for me so no one is lacking = no more poverty, common sense and elementary mathematics. Very simple as the truth is simplicity in living, self honesty is key or the truth will not be, do you see? To understand what is needed stop what you are doing, breath, and truly consider what you want for yourself and what you want for others as yourself, if you can't do this you have ego issues, that must be stopped and corrected, there is support which I have lived through and can verify works if you are willing, visit desteni site for more information on self honesty and self forgiveness in stopping the ego as we are all the ego with our split personality suits we climb into given the situation, if you can say differ about yourself, please express here I would much enjoy to hear.

Support an equal money system to stop the unnecessary and unfulfilled labels as poverty and rich.....we are all beings here on the planet and deserve the equanimity in living in equal opportunity to birth our lives as our own expressions and direct ourselves in our own consideration, but always within the truth of myself as life as all as one and equal. Live this and we are on our way, self-perfection in living is possible, start here Equal Money System.


Source of Picture:
http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial_opinion/outofline/2011/02/dont_mention_poverty.html?p1=Well_Opinion_links
Op-Ed piece by: Dan Wasserman

Is Poverty a Joke? You would be surprised

Some Words on Religion

Within this world there are many religions, each culture has there religious traditions. There are many rituals that each religion follow, and like clockwork, those who 'follow' will go and do whatever they do to satisfy that religious itch that is there if 'practicing'. I can relate as I was once a 'religious' person and very much wanted to satisfy that itch to be a 'good' servent, or shall I say the perfect slave.

My family (most of them as I know) go to church every Sunday, they sit in the pews and listen to the priest talk, and check off each time they left, such as an obligation. Religion as I see it and is quite obvious that it is not a living, but an obligation, its going to church, taking up the rituals, giving money each time the box comes around, and go about the worlds business. No real actual change has ever come from religion that is best for all as it professes, there has been no real actual change in human history since Jesus has walked the planet and died for us. Jesus was a being who decided to be an example for those who didn't realize what he had realized, and he showed us what it was to be life and live or those who were there at the time, since then much has been distorted and corrupted. What he spoke is self evident and simple truth, treat all as yourself and thus the kingdom of heaven is yours. This is true as heaven is here and thus we must treat all as ourselves for it to be here as us, it's a living of self only self can live this, only self can bring about the kingdom of heaven. What is missed and ignored is right before our eyes, we can't see because we are in our minds thinking rather then being here living. It's a walk though as many are realizing and seeing, and many will come to see, it is a process of self to become life as one as equal as all. Here is more insight on this at this website: http://www.desteni.co.za

Back to my point, we as religion have construed and fucked up his example by separating us from him, and believing that he is going to save us. But, how can Jesus save us if we are unwilling to save ourselves, it's not that we need some magical genie or christ-like person to come and snap us into heaven on earth. That is impossible, if we don't live heaven here as ourselves it simple will never be as it is life, a living expression, as now we are the living expression of separation, which is seen with the way the world works today much disagreement and strife. We are unwilling to see the common sense in what needs to be done, and put in place a system that brings this about, that is until recently, where much opened up and was realized that life is here one and equal, and we are here to live this for self. Many of the missing pieces that was not seen til now has been opened up. ( Check the website above as more is there to be understood)

So why would someone come save us? First off it makes no sense what so ever with the physical laws that govern our universe, and secondly, we do not deserve to be saved. We treat the earth, each-other, and essentially ourselves ruthlessly not caring who lives or dies, and how those who do live are cared for and treated. If any have taken a look at the conditions, the individual cases of absolute atrocities going on to many, then they would see the obviousness of this situation, it is really a 'sad' state we live as humans here. This is a consideration for those who see religions as the only way, but there are many holes in the holey 'stories' (and that is no pun, our words reveal who we are, pay attention to words), and many beliefs that are followed vehemently with no consideration for any other way because of this hardened belief based on ego and self interest.

So my stance is that I am for abolishing all religions as they are not necessary and go against the principle's of what life is one with all and equal for all. Religion is what divides, best for all in equality and oneness unites. Equal money system is the proper way to generate this best for all system as it will be able to transition from the old to the new using money as the medium for this transition as it is in place and available for use. Study and realize for yourself, as that is what really matters, self change to be equal and one to live as life living here, no gods, no masters, no saviors just self as all as one as equal. Equal Money = Equal Life. I walk this til it is done.

Equal Money System Website 

Some Words on Religion

Process Support- Assistance from Sunette on Facing Conflict Blog

Sunette Assistance Post:
Garbrielle wrote: "Actually, I have really seen and understood the reason why I hesitate to go into conflict with others and it's due to fear based on how I have experienced my past with humiliation from others and how I hold on to those feelings."

Gabrielle

Within what you're facing as conflict as the Moment, is the following:
Conflict "bring out" suppressed manifested unconscious energetic layers that has been hidden from self over time that has not been faced / dealt-with or directed.
And, so - what one actually fear within conflict is facing self, facing That within self, self was initially afraid of facing, that has been suppressed and looming in the back of one's consciousness - always there, experiencing it to be there but keeping it hidden within the belief, that - if you continue ignoring it; it'll go away.

Unfortunately - reality doesn't work that way, it's existing here as you within and as your human physical body, and keeping it suppressed only prolongs the inevitable of you facing yourself as it.
So - instead of continuing compounding the fear of facing self as all those suppressed unconscious mind-layers one has accumulated, is to approach conflict as follows:

To approach it, face it within and as the understanding that = whatever you experience emerge within you, is you; and that it's coming-up cause you're in the moment of experiencing conflict in reality - exposing the suppressed manifested-consequence of/as inner-conflict that you've layered within yourself as energy. 

So, please - it's not to create conflict deliberately in your world, that's just Ego and Superiority Mind-Games. But to consider not walking in Fear of conflict, cause you're then in essence submitting to the fear of facing one's own inner conflict.
And, to - when a moment of conflict arise - not give in or run away from this moment to face self, but stand through it - experience and see and so face self within self.
Then - through writing, walk self through the points that emerged internally; then apply the self forgivenesses to release the energetic possessions and stop self within them and so ready/prepare self to stand-up and strengthen self in /as one's living in reality.

And as you continue facing you within conflict, stopping, standing up and directing you within the points that emerge during the conflict - you'll find you'll become more stable in conflicting situations - cause, your inner-conflict suppressions have been dealt-with and faced and in that, you've become stability-'manifested' in/as the physical and then you'll see the real nature of conflict = you always only fight yourself; however this is a point you have to realize for yourself.

So - stop the fear of self, walk through conflict and see, stop and direct.

Sunette



-------------------------------------------------

Today, I got some assisting feedback from Sunette on the forum, I would like for my blog tonight to go through what was written and write myself out a bit. 


Sunette Wrote: "Conflict "bring out" suppressed manifested unconscious energetic layers that has been hidden from self over time that has not been faced / dealt-with or directed. "

"Unfortunately - reality doesn't work that way, it's existing here as you within and as your human physical body, and keeping it suppressed only prolongs the inevitable of you facing yourself as it."

Yes, this is cool support as I have suppressed so much in my life that has occurred that I have not dealt with. When I was a kid, whenever I was abused traumatically, I would completely just bury it within me as it was painful to 'think' about as I had no real direction on how to deal with it. I wouldn't tell anyone or come to any healthy conclusion as how to deal with it so it was easiest to just bury it deep within and not have to deal with it or have it effect me for that moment. But as Sunette wrote, it will always come back to be faced here you can't hide from yourself, it will come around eventually.

I suppressed this pain and fear because I didn't understand how to deal with it, and I used the suppression as a coping mechanism. This is why I am so grateful for this process because it is an understanding of first who I am within this, not allowing separation due to fear of not facing me. Second, understanding that I am the source and solution to stopping this fear from holding me back from facing the inevitable, my accepted and allowed nature as fear and suppression based on fear.

So as Sunette mentioned bringing it back to self, within these layers of suppressed emotions that I describe in my last blog, I stop from fully participating and thus standing in my world due to fear. This due to my accepted and allowed belief of myself, feeling not worthy/inferior to others and living this as self, facing others, and before process started starting from the starting point of not being equal/worthy as another. This also would be compensated by myself based on my accepted and allowed nature of judging others based on there physical pictures. From this judgment deciding within myself if I am inferior based on my judgments in comparison with the picture in my head I held on to as a comparison point, and from there would decide if I would go into the superiority or inferiority personality. Within this polarity play-out of inferior/superior, I would either be 'superior' and dominate others/situation or go in to inferiority, suppress, and thus shut down/hide due to my accepted and allowed belief based on the judgment's I hold onto of myself and thus the comparisons I would live by. I would live my life in this cycle of dominance to complete shut down really unable to function at certain times.

This has been much of my life in my world, and so it is cool support and makes it simpler in a way to see all as myself, as my world/the people in my world are showing me how and what I am existing as and thus giving me the opportunity to stand or not. This a statement of self of who I am here, and thus making no compromise but what is best for all based on the lived understanding of being one and equal to all life as myself and thus within this accepting that I am here as all and thus the creator of all that is here as me. Starting with my immediate world here, so I am walking this understanding into living application.

Sunette Wrote: "So, please - it's not to create conflict deliberately in your world, that's just Ego and Superiority Mind-Games. But to consider not walking in Fear of conflict, cause you're then in essence submitting to the fear of facing one's own inner conflict.
And, to - when a moment of conflict arise - not give in or run away from this moment to face self, but stand through it - experience and see and so face self within self.
Then - through writing, walk self through the points that emerged internally; then apply the self forgivenesses to release the energetic possessions and stop self within them and so ready/prepare self to stand-up and strengthen self in /as one's living in reality. "

Yes, cool and clear support thank you....fear I am realizing is a point that need to be transcended as it is something that is what it is. For a long time, I didn't want to face the fear of myself as it seemed so big and so much, and thus would give up before I would even attempt to do so. But through writing, applying self forgiveness, facing my world, and growing in my stand over time, I see and have lived the validity of these tools and thus I will continue to apply them until it is done.

Another point that I would like to share and realized after writing last night is that I have got to slow myself down and work on one prominent point at a time, as I generally try to work on many points at once, and thus delude the application because I am not being specific enough. This I will start to apply more, as I have seen it in my writing from times before, but have still allowed this multi-point application to delude my application a bit. So working with slowing myself down, and pushing this point now of stopping fear and standing within all points that may come up.

With conflict, I see it as fear needing to be stopped based on my self judgment, so will take all points here suggested into consideration, and apply myself seeing myself within all points that come up in my world, being self honest, stopping any points of self-compromise, and directing in common sense for what is best for all. This is to stop these reactions, fears, and 'hellish' type existing from directing me, and so I direct myself so I no more will be moved by outside influence/reaction. So will continue to report and be more direct, specific, and in a slow down manner so I can see more of me here as I am facing.

Thanks again for your continued support here throughout all the post you share Sunette, much appreciated. And all those that continue to stand, push themselves in self honesty, and share themselves for all to see and be assisted. Very cool place to be, and I am grateful.

Assistance based on this blog:

Facing Conflict

Process Support- Assistance from Sunette on Facing Conflict Blog

Self Doubt SF

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place a standard on self in which I measure myself as if I am here to be measured in a way that is rated and/or compared with another part of me. Thus through this rating and/or comparison within and as me I place doubt on my effectiveness or ability to get something done or just walk in effectiveness in whatever it is I am doing.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss me here as self enjoyment as life living as all as one as equal.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting doubt to exist within and as me as a point of uncertainty of who I am here and what I am capable of.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to doubt what I am capable of.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to doubt who I am here thus endlessly separating myself within this separation of doubt.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to doubt my standing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to doubt my effectiveness within this process,

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to doubt my existence and see myself as not worthy of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting abdication from self responsibility in being in self victimization because i hold on to doubt through holding onto judgments, comparisons, in memories form the past.

I stop abdicating myself responsibility, and I stop self victimization.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to doubt others and thus doubting myself within others and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting self-doubt to separate me from here as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting me to limit myself within thoughts and feelings of seeing myself in doubt and thus in this constant state of instability.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting fear of failure to exist within and as me and thus I forgive myself for allowing doubt within me based on this fear I hold on to.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear myself as life.


I stop all fear.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within memories of the past in which I see myself in a certain state of being, and thus prejudge and pre determine who I will be in this moment of breath as I am existing in the past.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting doubt of myself based on holding onto the past in the form of memories in which I define myself by.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself by the past and who I am within and as memories.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting feelings of inferiority to exist within and as me and thus allow doubt to creep in because I am unsure of my stability here as I see myself as less then others.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself with other beings and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be in polarity with others based on my beliefs of being inferior or superior.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting inferiority/superiority polarities to exist within me, I stop them here, I walk in breath one and equal.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge the way I perceive things and thus doubt my ability to comprehend certain things that I don't understand in a moment.

I stop this self judgment, and realize that I am here and walk in common sense to research and/or study the points out to get a more expansive perspective on what is holding me back.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss myself within this physical reality as me expressing myself, but be within my head in self doubt and self judgment due to holding on to these points that I am inferior.


I stop this inferiority, I stop self judgment, I stop self doubt and realize they are not real they exist because I allow it within the mind dimension feeding off the energy that is gained from thinking and holding on to these thoughts. I stop all participation with these thoughts, breath through all and any reaction, gain self awareness in breath, and walk in common sens.


I walk this self application as I am here as all as one and do not accept or allow any separation within me.

Self Doubt SF

SF on Being Depressed

SF Depression

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be in a depressive state of being because I am allowing self judgment of who I am here to influence how I go about my day.

I forgive for allowing and accepting to be dependent on depression within my day as something that I am use to and deal with.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting depression to stay with me throughout my days seeing myself as a victim to what is here as this invisible force as depression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself separate from depression and thus separate from myself in what I have created.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting self judgment to exist within and as me and direct me to feel inferior to others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow inferiority to exist within me and thus allow it to direct me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to give my power away to inferiority rather then direct myself in those moments and see that it is not real as it is not here as what is real in the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge others in comparison to myself and thus see life within an inferiority/superiority existence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow polarities to exist within and as me and be directed by them here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge others as depressive to re-direct my own feelings of being depressed and not being useful within this state thus blaming and abusing others so I don't have to face myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abdicate my responsibility to direct myself in possession of emotion to stop and not accept what is not real as a depressive state as myself.

I stop abdicating myself in life and face who I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i have to have purpose.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to have usefulness so I can succeed in this life game I am living in.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be in self interest in the desire to be useful as I fear being left behind.

I forgive myself for allowing to fear to be left behind as i realize that being left behind is impossible if I stand equal and walk as one for what is best for all then all will be considered as all are equal thus all on the same level.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within and as emotional states allowing emotions to direct me throughout my day.

I stand up from the emotional states, direct myself for what has to be done in the princple of what is best for all, and stop all behavior that is not in accord with this principle.

I live one and equal as all as myself.

SF on Being Depressed