I am at the moment dependent on my father for work, and he is threatening to fire me because of my hair and being involved with desteni. He allows me to where a hat, but does not want to see me without one on. This is something I have to adhere to because I need a job to make money, there is no way I can not work or I get fucked with bills. I am the perfect slave, and all that desteni has been discussing such as we are literally enslaved to this current system down to the wiring within us, and the only way to get out of it, is by our own self will is true. I have to self sustain myself and create a point of independence where I don't need or depend on anyone, living for myself, I am ready to do this. Makes perfect common sense to me and the only way for me to learn what it takes and how it is to actually - truly be life, must be lived and self realized.
I am living with my parents for a couple months to save money, so I can get an apartment on my own, I tried living with my sister and her husband as it was a pretty cool setup, but there was too much conflict, just didnt work out. I am also starting graduate studies this semester, am not sure what I am going to focus on, I am going to a counseler in a week to discuss this. My degree is in political science. I am working towards being effective in the equal money system, so that is my focus. I am working with these points and will open up more later within writing. I have limited time on the internet as I can only be on the comp. for a certain amount of time as I am in my parents house, so for know have to deal with this. I will figure something out that is more effective in the next couple of days. My world is getting hectic as I am so interwined with my family it's getting hard to seperate desteni with them, and it's not meshing well unfortunately. I see that I am allowing fear still to direct me on lossing family and security. SF to follow.
