A loopy day -- blog for 2/11/11

Im in the woods where there is no internet access, so I will obviously not be able to post this on the internet til I get to a place with the www hookup. Today was an interesting day, I had a lot of reactions within anger as things did not go smooth. I am realizing that this energy of anger I give myself to quite easily, like when it arises, I immediately want to release it onto others especially those that caused the reaction within me, blaming by going after them in spitefulness fueled by this anger within. I am flagging this point as I must transcend it, I will not accept myself to give my power away and to do that I have to investigate where this anger is coming from.

I see it in this moment basically a point of self interest, where I do not want friction nor confrontation in my world, where allot of the anger lately has been placed on my parents who are confronting me on what I am doing, how is it that I am changing anything, and why I am going to extremes. This I don’t want to deal with in a sense, like I have so much to do during the day, and this just add’s to the annoyances of something else I have to deal with. That's another point, annoyance or irritation to the people in my world as I am kind of placed outside of my bubble, and have to interact and deal with whatever is here. This I realize is myself I am dealing with my own accepted and allowed nature, and it’s like this ‘mindset’ that I use to live out as ‘if I don’t get caught it’s not stealing’, ‘if I am not bothered. it’s not real, it’s doesn’t effect me’. Not wanting to deal with anything that takes up my time and cause a conflict type reaction, like being confronted with something that causes a spike in emotion. Today I missed my breath, and kind of fed into the energy allowing it to direct me and push points that where unnecessary and done out of self interest. Also, another point that came up that I have noticed as of yet and brought awareness to in process, is being possessive of ‘my precious things’. I have an ipod that I bought a few weeks ago, and the 7 year old in my house want’s it because she ‘thinks’ it’s cool, I left it on the table and she scooped it up, and brought it to school. This set me off this morning because I wanted to use it and I was angry because she took it to school knowing it could easily be broken or misused. I got it back later and my 'thinking' was validated and manifested as the screen was cracked, I was pissed, but did not fully go into the anger emotion, but allowed back chat thoughts, and some anger towards her.  I did not direct myself within common sense as equal and one to her giving her practical ways to go about 'borrowing' 'my stuff', but acting like a ‘spoiled brat’ that got something so important taken it away and lashing out. How selfish? After the fact, I was in the car and realized how robotic I was being and I remember this movie that I saw a few days back on the factories that make the ipods, and how those beings are committing suicide because they work 34 hours a day in relentless conditions, and all Im concerned about is my precious stuff. I am going to flag this point as well because I see alot goes into this possessive point.

So still I am working and time-looping within this point of anger and irritation towards my world, trying to hide, blame, and re-direct self onto others not taking responsibility for myself. Obviously, unacceptable, so I continue to see these points and push myself in self discipline and breath awareness so I can stop myself in the moment and direct myself for what is best for all, continuing to push myself and not accept anything less.

A loopy day -- blog for 2/11/11

My First Guitar Lesson...

Today, I had a guitar lesson, it was the first one at that and a long time coming. I have been meaning to do lessons, but never found the time or money to be able to do it. With school, I had some money to take the lessons so I did, and the time slot fell in to place, so it worked out. I am enjoying the lesson so far as I got the basic understanding of the what is what in the cord setup on the guitar, and how to play the basic notes and tunes.

It's funny within my life, I always looked at music, drawing/painting, art, creative expression as not as cool as what I was doing within being an athlete. I judged those that did art and musical type hobbies as dorky and uncool, and that I was so cool because I could play alot of sports. I prided myself on it, and the fact that I was 'decent' at it, and also I 'luved' being able to compete with guys and be level in ability usually with them. This for me was the basis on how I viewed and judged myself seeing myself as inferior or superior based on how well I did in sports, and living this out as a basis of how I saw myself.

Now that I have realized that the way I looked at life and others was 'faulty', and how I missed so much opportunity for growth and expansion because I limited myself based on my thinking and the ideas that then formed of what I believed as judgments and opinions, all being fleeting and unsubstantial. Withinn music itself, I really enjoyed hearing the music, the different sounds and how they all synced together, the tonality of the voice and how melodic and flowy it sounds, and the lyrics bringing the whole piece together into a song, it really is an awesome creative tool and enjoyment for all those that participate in it, but I stunted myself in this expression because I had an opinion and judged my outside world. So now realizing that my lack of acceptance and openness to others has accumulated, and now with guitar having to start at the beginning of my creative expressions has been a wake up call in a sense because I am seeing and living out the accumulative separation I have caused based on things that aren't real. This is a cool time tho, I have the opportunity to learn a new 'hobby' and once I get more in-tune use it in my expression as life. To get to a satisfactory point within self, any discipline takes a lot of 'physical' work, practice, perseverance, commitment, and patience, so cool to take this on within guitar as I am with process.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge sports as more cool then those who chose to do creative things.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to put myself on a pedestal in my 'mind' and thus see myself better then others based on the picture i had of who I was and what I could do in terms of playing sports.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself as more superior then other beings because I could play sports 'better' then others I compared myself to.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to compare myself to those who I saw in separation in judgment.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to constantly be competing to be the best and win in all that I did.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to base myself on whether I was winning or not.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge myself as less then if I lost.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to get angry if I lost or was losing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to take my anger out on others as aggression within sport matches.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be extra hard on my sister in summer league if she was playing 'bad' in my eyes, and thus would be 'bitchy' towards her.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to take my anger out on others because I don't want to face the dishonesty within me of what and how I have accumulated myself and thus I forgive for allowing and accepting anger at others as a means of hiding and escaping my actions.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to base myself in sports and how I performed in them.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the polarity of better/least within and as me.

I stop this polarity of separating myself into seeing and living myself out as better or worse, it is not real, I am here one and equal to all as me.

I stop competing with myself.

I stop anger and take responsibility for myself.

I stop self judgment and judgment of others as myself in ideas and opinions I hold onto.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to hold onto opinions and ideas about who I see as better or worse.

I stop all opinions and ideas as I stop the polarity of better/worse.

I let go of comparison and realize I remain.

I breath all of me here, walk as myself as all as one and equal, live in humbleness and change where I see what is best for all, and live.

My First Guitar Lesson...

Is Poverty a Joke? You would be surprised

This picture is an op-ed piece from a local writer, but it is quite telling of the current world relationship with those that are truly struggling, with no money to sustain themselves or there families. There has been no real change in poverty, although billions of dollars has been pumped into this 'problem' over many years, still there are 45 million people living in poverty here in America this year. This being unacceptable to me, this not even considering the children, animals, nature, and all the other beings being effected by the lack of funds to be sustained with as a collateral damage effect, many suffer silently.

There is no consideration for actually solving the state of 'poverty' as if it is a run of the mill issue that those in office discuss, not looking at the actual real life that is effected every moment. It's like a big joke that those that define themselves by political preferences, go back and forth about 'how to fix poverty?' Not considering or wanting to considered, the countless beings that suffered under this current economic system, where poverty is a natural ingredient and ingrained into the foundation of the win/loss survival system, we call capitalism. Like the solution is so vast and complex that we just can't figure it out, although the 7 year old in my house describe it perfectly clear within the statement of how she describe the men on the TV 'trying to sell the cars (there was a news story on about car's being overpriced ect. I cant remember the specifics, sry), over pricing them so they could go out and buy expensive things.' I asked her 'how do we solve this?' and she said with confidence and simplicity, 'give everyone money', and I said like 'give to others as you would want' and she said 'yes!'. Please, it is in front of our faces, we just do not want to see as we want to stay in our bubbles, but all the while 'rome is burning', makes no sense and must come to an end, humanities ignorant blindness. This only being reached by living it as self truthfully in self honesty as life, but I will get to that a bit later.

Within an equal money system, the discussions will only be for what is best for all in all given scenarios, and as my 7 year old niece said today, it is what is best for me must be best for all and what is best for all must be best for me so no one is lacking = no more poverty, common sense and elementary mathematics. Very simple as the truth is simplicity in living, self honesty is key or the truth will not be, do you see? To understand what is needed stop what you are doing, breath, and truly consider what you want for yourself and what you want for others as yourself, if you can't do this you have ego issues, that must be stopped and corrected, there is support which I have lived through and can verify works if you are willing, visit desteni site for more information on self honesty and self forgiveness in stopping the ego as we are all the ego with our split personality suits we climb into given the situation, if you can say differ about yourself, please express here I would much enjoy to hear.

Support an equal money system to stop the unnecessary and unfulfilled labels as poverty and rich.....we are all beings here on the planet and deserve the equanimity in living in equal opportunity to birth our lives as our own expressions and direct ourselves in our own consideration, but always within the truth of myself as life as all as one and equal. Live this and we are on our way, self-perfection in living is possible, start here Equal Money System.


Source of Picture:
http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial_opinion/outofline/2011/02/dont_mention_poverty.html?p1=Well_Opinion_links
Op-Ed piece by: Dan Wasserman

Is Poverty a Joke? You would be surprised

Some Words on Religion

Within this world there are many religions, each culture has there religious traditions. There are many rituals that each religion follow, and like clockwork, those who 'follow' will go and do whatever they do to satisfy that religious itch that is there if 'practicing'. I can relate as I was once a 'religious' person and very much wanted to satisfy that itch to be a 'good' servent, or shall I say the perfect slave.

My family (most of them as I know) go to church every Sunday, they sit in the pews and listen to the priest talk, and check off each time they left, such as an obligation. Religion as I see it and is quite obvious that it is not a living, but an obligation, its going to church, taking up the rituals, giving money each time the box comes around, and go about the worlds business. No real actual change has ever come from religion that is best for all as it professes, there has been no real actual change in human history since Jesus has walked the planet and died for us. Jesus was a being who decided to be an example for those who didn't realize what he had realized, and he showed us what it was to be life and live or those who were there at the time, since then much has been distorted and corrupted. What he spoke is self evident and simple truth, treat all as yourself and thus the kingdom of heaven is yours. This is true as heaven is here and thus we must treat all as ourselves for it to be here as us, it's a living of self only self can live this, only self can bring about the kingdom of heaven. What is missed and ignored is right before our eyes, we can't see because we are in our minds thinking rather then being here living. It's a walk though as many are realizing and seeing, and many will come to see, it is a process of self to become life as one as equal as all. Here is more insight on this at this website: http://www.desteni.co.za

Back to my point, we as religion have construed and fucked up his example by separating us from him, and believing that he is going to save us. But, how can Jesus save us if we are unwilling to save ourselves, it's not that we need some magical genie or christ-like person to come and snap us into heaven on earth. That is impossible, if we don't live heaven here as ourselves it simple will never be as it is life, a living expression, as now we are the living expression of separation, which is seen with the way the world works today much disagreement and strife. We are unwilling to see the common sense in what needs to be done, and put in place a system that brings this about, that is until recently, where much opened up and was realized that life is here one and equal, and we are here to live this for self. Many of the missing pieces that was not seen til now has been opened up. ( Check the website above as more is there to be understood)

So why would someone come save us? First off it makes no sense what so ever with the physical laws that govern our universe, and secondly, we do not deserve to be saved. We treat the earth, each-other, and essentially ourselves ruthlessly not caring who lives or dies, and how those who do live are cared for and treated. If any have taken a look at the conditions, the individual cases of absolute atrocities going on to many, then they would see the obviousness of this situation, it is really a 'sad' state we live as humans here. This is a consideration for those who see religions as the only way, but there are many holes in the holey 'stories' (and that is no pun, our words reveal who we are, pay attention to words), and many beliefs that are followed vehemently with no consideration for any other way because of this hardened belief based on ego and self interest.

So my stance is that I am for abolishing all religions as they are not necessary and go against the principle's of what life is one with all and equal for all. Religion is what divides, best for all in equality and oneness unites. Equal money system is the proper way to generate this best for all system as it will be able to transition from the old to the new using money as the medium for this transition as it is in place and available for use. Study and realize for yourself, as that is what really matters, self change to be equal and one to live as life living here, no gods, no masters, no saviors just self as all as one as equal. Equal Money = Equal Life. I walk this til it is done.

Equal Money System Website 

Some Words on Religion

Process Support- Assistance from Sunette on Facing Conflict Blog

Sunette Assistance Post:
Garbrielle wrote: "Actually, I have really seen and understood the reason why I hesitate to go into conflict with others and it's due to fear based on how I have experienced my past with humiliation from others and how I hold on to those feelings."

Gabrielle

Within what you're facing as conflict as the Moment, is the following:
Conflict "bring out" suppressed manifested unconscious energetic layers that has been hidden from self over time that has not been faced / dealt-with or directed.
And, so - what one actually fear within conflict is facing self, facing That within self, self was initially afraid of facing, that has been suppressed and looming in the back of one's consciousness - always there, experiencing it to be there but keeping it hidden within the belief, that - if you continue ignoring it; it'll go away.

Unfortunately - reality doesn't work that way, it's existing here as you within and as your human physical body, and keeping it suppressed only prolongs the inevitable of you facing yourself as it.
So - instead of continuing compounding the fear of facing self as all those suppressed unconscious mind-layers one has accumulated, is to approach conflict as follows:

To approach it, face it within and as the understanding that = whatever you experience emerge within you, is you; and that it's coming-up cause you're in the moment of experiencing conflict in reality - exposing the suppressed manifested-consequence of/as inner-conflict that you've layered within yourself as energy. 

So, please - it's not to create conflict deliberately in your world, that's just Ego and Superiority Mind-Games. But to consider not walking in Fear of conflict, cause you're then in essence submitting to the fear of facing one's own inner conflict.
And, to - when a moment of conflict arise - not give in or run away from this moment to face self, but stand through it - experience and see and so face self within self.
Then - through writing, walk self through the points that emerged internally; then apply the self forgivenesses to release the energetic possessions and stop self within them and so ready/prepare self to stand-up and strengthen self in /as one's living in reality.

And as you continue facing you within conflict, stopping, standing up and directing you within the points that emerge during the conflict - you'll find you'll become more stable in conflicting situations - cause, your inner-conflict suppressions have been dealt-with and faced and in that, you've become stability-'manifested' in/as the physical and then you'll see the real nature of conflict = you always only fight yourself; however this is a point you have to realize for yourself.

So - stop the fear of self, walk through conflict and see, stop and direct.

Sunette



-------------------------------------------------

Today, I got some assisting feedback from Sunette on the forum, I would like for my blog tonight to go through what was written and write myself out a bit. 


Sunette Wrote: "Conflict "bring out" suppressed manifested unconscious energetic layers that has been hidden from self over time that has not been faced / dealt-with or directed. "

"Unfortunately - reality doesn't work that way, it's existing here as you within and as your human physical body, and keeping it suppressed only prolongs the inevitable of you facing yourself as it."

Yes, this is cool support as I have suppressed so much in my life that has occurred that I have not dealt with. When I was a kid, whenever I was abused traumatically, I would completely just bury it within me as it was painful to 'think' about as I had no real direction on how to deal with it. I wouldn't tell anyone or come to any healthy conclusion as how to deal with it so it was easiest to just bury it deep within and not have to deal with it or have it effect me for that moment. But as Sunette wrote, it will always come back to be faced here you can't hide from yourself, it will come around eventually.

I suppressed this pain and fear because I didn't understand how to deal with it, and I used the suppression as a coping mechanism. This is why I am so grateful for this process because it is an understanding of first who I am within this, not allowing separation due to fear of not facing me. Second, understanding that I am the source and solution to stopping this fear from holding me back from facing the inevitable, my accepted and allowed nature as fear and suppression based on fear.

So as Sunette mentioned bringing it back to self, within these layers of suppressed emotions that I describe in my last blog, I stop from fully participating and thus standing in my world due to fear. This due to my accepted and allowed belief of myself, feeling not worthy/inferior to others and living this as self, facing others, and before process started starting from the starting point of not being equal/worthy as another. This also would be compensated by myself based on my accepted and allowed nature of judging others based on there physical pictures. From this judgment deciding within myself if I am inferior based on my judgments in comparison with the picture in my head I held on to as a comparison point, and from there would decide if I would go into the superiority or inferiority personality. Within this polarity play-out of inferior/superior, I would either be 'superior' and dominate others/situation or go in to inferiority, suppress, and thus shut down/hide due to my accepted and allowed belief based on the judgment's I hold onto of myself and thus the comparisons I would live by. I would live my life in this cycle of dominance to complete shut down really unable to function at certain times.

This has been much of my life in my world, and so it is cool support and makes it simpler in a way to see all as myself, as my world/the people in my world are showing me how and what I am existing as and thus giving me the opportunity to stand or not. This a statement of self of who I am here, and thus making no compromise but what is best for all based on the lived understanding of being one and equal to all life as myself and thus within this accepting that I am here as all and thus the creator of all that is here as me. Starting with my immediate world here, so I am walking this understanding into living application.

Sunette Wrote: "So, please - it's not to create conflict deliberately in your world, that's just Ego and Superiority Mind-Games. But to consider not walking in Fear of conflict, cause you're then in essence submitting to the fear of facing one's own inner conflict.
And, to - when a moment of conflict arise - not give in or run away from this moment to face self, but stand through it - experience and see and so face self within self.
Then - through writing, walk self through the points that emerged internally; then apply the self forgivenesses to release the energetic possessions and stop self within them and so ready/prepare self to stand-up and strengthen self in /as one's living in reality. "

Yes, cool and clear support thank you....fear I am realizing is a point that need to be transcended as it is something that is what it is. For a long time, I didn't want to face the fear of myself as it seemed so big and so much, and thus would give up before I would even attempt to do so. But through writing, applying self forgiveness, facing my world, and growing in my stand over time, I see and have lived the validity of these tools and thus I will continue to apply them until it is done.

Another point that I would like to share and realized after writing last night is that I have got to slow myself down and work on one prominent point at a time, as I generally try to work on many points at once, and thus delude the application because I am not being specific enough. This I will start to apply more, as I have seen it in my writing from times before, but have still allowed this multi-point application to delude my application a bit. So working with slowing myself down, and pushing this point now of stopping fear and standing within all points that may come up.

With conflict, I see it as fear needing to be stopped based on my self judgment, so will take all points here suggested into consideration, and apply myself seeing myself within all points that come up in my world, being self honest, stopping any points of self-compromise, and directing in common sense for what is best for all. This is to stop these reactions, fears, and 'hellish' type existing from directing me, and so I direct myself so I no more will be moved by outside influence/reaction. So will continue to report and be more direct, specific, and in a slow down manner so I can see more of me here as I am facing.

Thanks again for your continued support here throughout all the post you share Sunette, much appreciated. And all those that continue to stand, push themselves in self honesty, and share themselves for all to see and be assisted. Very cool place to be, and I am grateful.

Assistance based on this blog:

Facing Conflict

Process Support- Assistance from Sunette on Facing Conflict Blog

Self Doubt SF

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to place a standard on self in which I measure myself as if I am here to be measured in a way that is rated and/or compared with another part of me. Thus through this rating and/or comparison within and as me I place doubt on my effectiveness or ability to get something done or just walk in effectiveness in whatever it is I am doing.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss me here as self enjoyment as life living as all as one as equal.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting doubt to exist within and as me as a point of uncertainty of who I am here and what I am capable of.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to doubt what I am capable of.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to doubt who I am here thus endlessly separating myself within this separation of doubt.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to doubt my standing.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to doubt my effectiveness within this process,

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to doubt my existence and see myself as not worthy of life.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting abdication from self responsibility in being in self victimization because i hold on to doubt through holding onto judgments, comparisons, in memories form the past.

I stop abdicating myself responsibility, and I stop self victimization.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to doubt others and thus doubting myself within others and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting self-doubt to separate me from here as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting me to limit myself within thoughts and feelings of seeing myself in doubt and thus in this constant state of instability.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting fear of failure to exist within and as me and thus I forgive myself for allowing doubt within me based on this fear I hold on to.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to fear myself as life.


I stop all fear.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to exist within memories of the past in which I see myself in a certain state of being, and thus prejudge and pre determine who I will be in this moment of breath as I am existing in the past.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting doubt of myself based on holding onto the past in the form of memories in which I define myself by.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself by the past and who I am within and as memories.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting feelings of inferiority to exist within and as me and thus allow doubt to creep in because I am unsure of my stability here as I see myself as less then others.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself with other beings and thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be in polarity with others based on my beliefs of being inferior or superior.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting inferiority/superiority polarities to exist within me, I stop them here, I walk in breath one and equal.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge the way I perceive things and thus doubt my ability to comprehend certain things that I don't understand in a moment.

I stop this self judgment, and realize that I am here and walk in common sense to research and/or study the points out to get a more expansive perspective on what is holding me back.


I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to miss myself within this physical reality as me expressing myself, but be within my head in self doubt and self judgment due to holding on to these points that I am inferior.


I stop this inferiority, I stop self judgment, I stop self doubt and realize they are not real they exist because I allow it within the mind dimension feeding off the energy that is gained from thinking and holding on to these thoughts. I stop all participation with these thoughts, breath through all and any reaction, gain self awareness in breath, and walk in common sens.


I walk this self application as I am here as all as one and do not accept or allow any separation within me.

Self Doubt SF

SF on Being Depressed

SF Depression

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be in a depressive state of being because I am allowing self judgment of who I am here to influence how I go about my day.

I forgive for allowing and accepting to be dependent on depression within my day as something that I am use to and deal with.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting depression to stay with me throughout my days seeing myself as a victim to what is here as this invisible force as depression.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to see myself separate from depression and thus separate from myself in what I have created.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting self judgment to exist within and as me and direct me to feel inferior to others.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow inferiority to exist within me and thus allow it to direct me.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to give my power away to inferiority rather then direct myself in those moments and see that it is not real as it is not here as what is real in the physical.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge others in comparison to myself and thus see life within an inferiority/superiority existence.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to allow polarities to exist within and as me and be directed by them here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to judge others as depressive to re-direct my own feelings of being depressed and not being useful within this state thus blaming and abusing others so I don't have to face myself.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to abdicate my responsibility to direct myself in possession of emotion to stop and not accept what is not real as a depressive state as myself.

I stop abdicating myself in life and face who I am here.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that i have to have purpose.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to desire to have usefulness so I can succeed in this life game I am living in.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to be in self interest in the desire to be useful as I fear being left behind.

I forgive myself for allowing to fear to be left behind as i realize that being left behind is impossible if I stand equal and walk as one for what is best for all then all will be considered as all are equal thus all on the same level.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to exist within and as emotional states allowing emotions to direct me throughout my day.

I stand up from the emotional states, direct myself for what has to be done in the princple of what is best for all, and stop all behavior that is not in accord with this principle.

I live one and equal as all as myself.

SF on Being Depressed